DH made comment about women driving. Has incensed me.

[Smsquared]

Just had lovely morning with DH and kids. Sat having a coffee and watching the local fruit vendors packing up. Few comments between us on what hard graft it looks like. Three adults (two men, one woman) packing things up into 2 vans. When they finish packing up the woman jumps into one and drives off and DH says ‘wow, the woman is driving one of the vans. This girl can’.
As we drive home he asks me what’s wrong and I tell him how that comment just stinks of the patriarchy and why is it even notable that a woman is driving a van in 2023. He says it’s just an observation as you don’t really see that. I feel adamant that it shouldn’t even be commented on as why wouldn’t / shouldn’t the woman be driving the van and doing just as many things as the two men and saying it in a sarky way implies that the woman shouldn’t be. He feels I’ve escalated this and it’s nothing to do with the patriarchy or women not having as many rights in the past. He’s a brilliant husband and father and respects me 100% but just venting here as I want to find a way to make him realise how ingrained his views are and how much they need to change. We have two boys who I intend to raise as feminist allies.

Why?????

Twit.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

He made a fuss about it and included the unnecessary ‘this girl can’.

There’s just no need.

My baby’s keyworker is male. Maybe I should tell him ‘this boy can’.

wow, the woman is driving one of the vans. This girl can’.

To me, that’s an observation. Not making a fuss about something.

I think there is a need for positive reinforcement when we see women pushing against gender stereotypes and closing gender gaps.

I'm not sure that surprise is positive reinforcement and 'this girl can' certainly doesn't feel positive.

I didn't find anything offensive in that comment. I'm baffled at why you'd need to 'check in' with mumsnet and start a thread about it. You're so sure of yourself and your righteous indignation, why do you need validation of that?

All I can see that you've achieved is that your husband will keep his thoughts to himself for fear of you whinging on at him and policing at every turn. If you like to have a marriage like that, great. Does he?

Wow is excitement or admiration, not surprise.
It reads positively to me and many other posters.

If we go by the voting 2/3rd think it’s a positive comment and 1/3rd do not.

@SouthLondonMum22 unless he's looking at your vagina your comment is irrelevant.

Perhaps when you've raised the boys as feminists, you three can gang up on him, and make his life a misery, until he's mute.

You brought up a male childcare provider. How is my comment irrelevant?

It reads negatively to me and other posters, including OP who actually knows her DH and says it isn't the first time he's said something like this.

I’ve driven a large van before, a few times for work. Did I like it? No, I didn’t. Is it ok for me to feel that way? Yes it is. Is it ok for you to love driving vans? Sure.

Nobody cares that you drive a van. So what. If you drove a giant 18 wheeler, I wouldn’t care. Neither would your eternal sworn enemy, The Man.

You all are nutcases in search of a piddly grievance. “My husband, who I admit is a brilliant husband and father and respects me 100% said ‘hey go girl! driving work van’. I must string him up and lynch him! He has ingrained patriarchal bias!! How dare he! He’s not supposed to be supportive of women doing traditional men’s work! He’s not supposed to notice!! Waah! Help me pile on, girls!”

L O L

Deranged.

🎯

OP, who drove your car home today - yourself or your DH? Who drives mostly when you are out and about together ?

Is this meant to be some sort of gotcha? The mind boggles, it really does.

To all the PP - the OP says it was said in a sarky way, and she knows her DH best. A man saying "this girl can" in a sarky way is not being positive, he's being patronising.

Exactly.

Though I'm not surprised that some are excusing it, that's also part of the problem.

Who would have thought that a woman could operate the pedals, gears and steering wheel of a vehicle without the aid of a man?

(If we want to bring some more stereotypes into the mix, girls like horses, horses go into horse lorries and/or horse box trailers - when girls with horses get old enough to drive they get big awkward vehicles with unpredictable loads that move)

YANBU

I'm a paramedic.

I had a male patient tell me I couldn't drive him to hospital because I'm a women.

I opened the door pointed and said to him that the hospital was 10 miles on that direction and he'd better start walking as it would be getting dark soon.

He put his seatbelt on and didn't utter another word.

It's the 21st century of course it is normal for a women to drive a van. It's also normal for most people, male or female, to have never driven a van.

Your DH needs to grow up.

On a related note, do you all get random men standing watching you park, ready to offer assistance and tell you what to do? Women never do this to me.

Talk out about first world problems!

https://www.thisgirlcan.co.uk/

Better tell this campaign they are cringe

I must have missed the bit of the campaign where they make sarky remarks about women driving vans...

Where has he been hiding? It's not remotely unusual for women to drive vans , lorries, buses and hasn't been for years, at least where I live anyway.