DH made comment about women driving. Has incensed me.

[Smsquared]

Just had lovely morning with DH and kids. Sat having a coffee and watching the local fruit vendors packing up. Few comments between us on what hard graft it looks like. Three adults (two men, one woman) packing things up into 2 vans. When they finish packing up the woman jumps into one and drives off and DH says ‘wow, the woman is driving one of the vans. This girl can’.
As we drive home he asks me what’s wrong and I tell him how that comment just stinks of the patriarchy and why is it even notable that a woman is driving a van in 2023. He says it’s just an observation as you don’t really see that. I feel adamant that it shouldn’t even be commented on as why wouldn’t / shouldn’t the woman be driving the van and doing just as many things as the two men and saying it in a sarky way implies that the woman shouldn’t be. He feels I’ve escalated this and it’s nothing to do with the patriarchy or women not having as many rights in the past. He’s a brilliant husband and father and respects me 100% but just venting here as I want to find a way to make him realise how ingrained his views are and how much they need to change. We have two boys who I intend to raise as feminist allies.

Yes, I agree, so I sort of set that to one side. That’s reasonable. Sarcasm can change a positive comment into a sexist one by tone alone.

I just don’t agree with the never ever make any comment at all bit :)

KarmaStar has it summed up in a nut shell. What a load of manufactured fuss about nothing, enjoy your life.

Ahh casual sexism, my favourite.

Totally right to call him out and tell him to stop being so brainwashed by the patriarchy in future.

Back in the 80s my then bf’s sister (in her early twenties) was a bus driver (double decker). I thought that was pretty cool as it wasn’t that usual forty years ago. Loads of my Amazon deliveries are by women driving vans.

Wonder how your dh would feel if his commercial jet pilot was a woman. 😁

Since when did people need to be bigger or stronger to drive a van?!

Men like your husband are so tedious and stupid. I'm sorry you're married to him.

Of course there’s less women driving trucks and vans as well as less women in trades but yes the way he commented was ridiculous but you’ve gotten a bit overwrought by it too!!

Back in ye old days of manual steering.

That was my take as well. I recently saw a young girl driving a really enormous combine harvester and smiled to myself thinking good for her.

🤣🤣🤣

Has he noticed how many horse trucks are driven by women?

DH says ‘wow, the woman is driving one of the vans. This girl can’.

This is the cringiest thing ever. This girl can actually came out of his mouth?

I remember manual steering…do you? You literally had to put your back into it.
here’s a millennial driving a regular car for first time with manual steering
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1FevpxH8sfw

I drive a transit van and some people do give a double take when they see me driving but do not find me unusual enough to comment, generally.

Its not a comment to incur rage or being incensed.

That sounds a bit odd

It is statistically more likely that a man is driving the van. The phrase we all say when we're moaning about such vehicles is 'white van man' not 'white van woman'

Its slightly illogical to say 'this girl can' as others have pointed out you might say 'this boy can' to anything you see a man doing but its nothing to sulk and get the hump about

Plus people arent perfect and dont say perfect things all the time

Pre power steering even cars were hard.

Good god, find something worthy to get het up about and leave the bloke alone.

Where on earth do you live that a female bus driver is a rarity, sufficiently so that it would warrant a comment? I live in the sticks but work in a city and see female bus/van drives in both locations.

But they're not any more. I drive a van and you don't need to be strong to do it.

I've even <gasp> driven a van abroad, on the other side of the road!

Many women bus drivers in London.

Yuck. I would've said something there and then but he also probably wouldn't be my husband if he has a history of making sexist comments.

Man in the car showroom asked me if he wanted him to reverse the car out for the test drive. Told him it was OK I normally drove a LWB van! To be fair he did leave me alone after that and just let me drive in a non patronising way but still. Mind you, I also drive a forklift which occasionally raises eyebrows when people see a girl doing it more so than can driving or towing to be honest.

So no women bus drivers where you live OP?

The woman who delivered the post where I used to live drove a van, the parcel delivery woman drove a large van and managed to lift large parcels as well, and what about all the women who drive horse boxes and articulated lorries.

Has he never been on a plane piloted by a women? There's quite a few of those.

Your DH would not doubts be amazed to learn that, oddly enough, women are all over the place doing jobs such jobs.

Clearly he's been living under a 1950s rock if he feels seeing a woman driving a van is cause for silly patronising comments.

Jesus Christ the bar is set so low for men. So many people falling ourselves to explain how he was right.

Loads of women drive vans and trucks these days. I deal with deliveries of all sizes and plenty of the drivers are women. Its absolutely the norm, not unusual or noteworthy at all.

He said a sexist dickish thing in a sexist dickish tone and deserves to be treated like the sexist dick that he so clearly is.

Mountain putting of molehills really. Why spoil a lovely day out over a comment