Was my bf BU when he said my vagina is loose?

[shamelesschocaholic]

I’m mortified to be posting this, but I want to show him this thread as we have just had words for the second time in two days!

I am a perimenopausal 46 year old woman. Without blowing my own trumpet, I still look good for my age, I wear a size 10 and I still like to have fun.

I have three kids with an ex partner who I was with for over 20 years. I’m in a fairly new (1 year) relationship and I’m madly crazy in love.

ivw been getting lots of UTIs which I think is due to perimenopause. Yesterday bf helpfully sent me a link to something he saw on YouTube about this and women’s sexual health generally.

When we discussed it, he matter of fact said my vagina was loose but this was to be expected as I’ve had three children. I was devastated by this comment, I actually felt so hurt. He can’t see what he said wrong as it’s “the truth”.

We have barely spoken, when I said earlier I have to get over it or end our relationship as it’s going to impact our (what I thought was an amazing) sex life he’s made me feel as if I’ve over reacted and am being sensitive. He just said he will, moving forwards be careful what he says to me when - before that he referred to how we always pride pursue on being open and I’d said that women are told negative things from young about their vaginas and it’s really knocked me confidence

pleasw let me know how you would have taken this as I’m so upset that he genuinely can’t see how upsetting this is and has tried to make me feel like I’m overreacting?

@FictionalCharacter Have you read all of this piece? "the vagina-having partner" ffs.

This. Please get rid of him @shamelesschocaholic . Your vagina is totally normal.

This is just a truthful observation I'm afraid ^.
Your vag is loose compared to your arse.

Sounds like a realtionship which is so based on 'honesty' you can say and do anything as long as you are 'honest'. If you can't see whare that goes...

He's right - many of my ex partners had children and being 'loose' isn't a thing.
Time to bin him off!

I had an ex say this to me in my 20s (he had a fairly small dick and I hadn't even had children at this point). I am so angry I didn't dump him immediately. No way in hell would I put up with that now. How could you have sex with him again? Get rid.

That's awful, he must have a smallish penis.
I don't think I would be able to overcome that if it was said to me, that's a really awful thing to say. Up to you really whether you think you can get over that supremely tactless remark and the self justification that followed it, or just finish it now.

Yes! OPget rid you deserve better. This will eat away at your self esteem

The problem for me isn’t that he’s uninformed, but he’s doubling down on it as just a ‘fact’. He’s wrong, he knows it’s hurt you and his behavior now is just unacceptable.

If a woman said to a man ‘your penis is small. I’m just stating facts’ he would immediately recognize that as bad hurtful behavior.

There are some real flags here.

Being loose is a thing actually and in France women can ask their doctor to send them for physiotherapy to remuscle the perineum after the birth

Yes, it’s not my vag that’s loose, your dick is too small. It’s like driving a mini up the M1.

I wouldn't put up with this insult and would end the relationship. But up to you.

I'd ask him whether he'd considered whether it's more likely a case of him having a small penis rather than you having a large vagina!

Sadly yes. I cannot imagine being with someone after that much less having sex with them. It will eat away at her till he leaves saying it's her fault for being so sensitive. Mark my words.

All the posters making the "No, you just have a small dick" retorts are just as bad as op's partner. If it is not okay to call a woman loose, it is not okay to be derogatory about a mans penis size, you're all hypocrites.

Vaginas do change during/after vaginal deliveries, and it isn't uncommon to be wider/looser, you dont always regain the same ammount of muscle tone. Menopause/peri and aging in general also leads to decreased vaginal muscle tone and so more "loose" feeling/less tight. All these combined is probably what op's partner is feeling, but it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't enjoy sex still.

Was he wrong to mention it? If it was done purely to upset OP (which in this case it seems) then absolutely, he's a nasty bastard, BUT if men aren't enjoying sex and are trying to bring up the topic gently to discuss possible options for building muscle tone to improve sex between them, they're not necessarily being an arse.

Ultimately sometimes people just aren't physically sexually compatible, be it combination of small penis and wider vagina, bigger penis and narrower vagina, sex can just be painful or not enjoyable. The options are try to find a solution (improve vaginal muscle tone, use of a penis extender to add length/girth) or split and find someone you're better compatible with if sex is a non negotiable part of the relationship.

I agree. I would never let DH sodomise me as it is so degrading and physically damaging (he has mentioned how disgusting he finds the concept and he actually respects me, so not an issue for us anyway!).

If someone actually allows that and find comments about “fucking your arse” funny, then they must not value themselves at all and it’s odd they would care about the vagina comment.

In the wise words of Bette Midler, he is indeed, “a needle dick bug fucker”

If you do come back OP, I found daily, for about six months, d-mannose stopped my recurrent UTIs. I would recommend looking into this and discussing it with your doctor to see if it may help you.

absolute wanker. tell
him it must be loose cos you're that used to having big huge cocks in it. then LTB. no recent man will have said that to you unless trying to really hurt or insult you.

Sorry you feel you have a tough time on here op - I haven’t read all comments, this is just my view.. if it was me I would end up dumping him. Maybe not at first, but those comments would eat away at my self esteem and long after he had forgotten he said them, I would still be feeling shit. I doubt I could come back from it - literally every time you have sex now you will be reminded. He’s a right twat if he didnt think saying something like this would have consequences. You would be better getting rid sooner rather than later I think - if he doesn’t see how something like this impacts on a person then he never will, and will no doubt blame you for being too sensitive…

Well pelvic floor physio exists here as well. And it’s an important thing to do after say a birth injury to avoid the risk of prolapse etc. Very helpful for stress and urge incontinence. Not sure it can do much for rude boyfriends though….

Best reply ever 🤣

Why are people finding it offensive/grim/shocking that OP would usually laugh at him saying he’ll just fuck her arse instead.

Some women actually enjoy anal and gasp, shock horror can laugh at anal jokes

I have had a similar issue with UTI's over the last few years (same age as you are now when it started). I ended up having to have tests to rule out cancer as I was getting them so often.

I am now on vaginal pessaries that really have helped as it has helped the vaginal dryness I didnt really notice I had until I didnt have it anymore if you know what I mean!

I would definitely as the GP about it, as I was told that it can definitely lead to an increase in UTI's.

🤢 the bar is low, so low it’s bottomed out so to speak - ahem.

Why is the bar low because some women like anal sex?! Please explain it to me because I can’t quite understand!