To have a row over a sneeze

[BarchesterTowels]

My wife really hates it when I sneeze. In fact, I think it's the only thing in our relationship that has ever made her truly angry. And, to be fair, my sneezes are quite violent and noisy. But they are totally genuine, I'm not playing them up or doing it for effect. My dad was also an explosive sneezer, and so is my only sibling, so maybe it's hereditary.

It doesn't happen often, but when it does my wife gets absolutely furious if I sneeze in her presence. I once did it on a country walk and she didn't talk to me for over an hour. At home I either have to sprint out of the room and sneeze elsewhere, or stifle it by pinching my nose. I hate doing that (it's painful) and I once read that it could be dangerous.

I've tried talking to my wife about it but she won't even let me broach the subject. My perspective is that it's a bodily function, I don't have any control over it and it's just a part of me she needs to accept. I'd love to know what she thinks I should do when I get an ominous tickle in the back of my throat while we're watching TV, but my last attempt to find out resulted in a prolonged sulk (hers, not mine)
Our marriage is otherwise happy and totally harmonious. AIBU?

That’s very rude and completely strange as well. I have misophonia so completely understand the rage triggered by certain noises such as explosive sneezing but as an adult you have to deal with it as your issue, not the other person’s.

It does seem rather unreasonable of her to over react like this to a sneeze - even if it is a particularly loud and violent one - does it scare her or startle her, @BarchesterTowels?

I have heard that pressing underneath your nose, between it and your upper lip, can help ward off an oncoming sneeze.

I mean YANBU but had she never heard you sneeze before you got married?

At home I either have to sprint out of the room and sneeze elsewhere, or stifle it by pinching my nose. I hate doing that (it's painful) and I once read that it could be dangerous.

Also, stop doing this ^^ and tell her to get over herself.

Holding sneezes can be dangerous and can lead to ruptured eardrums and blood vessels.

As long as it's genuine and not performative, it's not something within your control so she's being unreasonable. Find something similar that she does and get similarly angry so she learns some empathy.

I have misophonia and even I think your wife is being ridiculous and unkind. Everybody sneezes and you can’t help the way you sneeze, it’s bizarre how she hasn’t become accustomed to your sneezes at this stage.

I absolutely do not in any universe believe you can't help performance sneezing. You are so used to it you can't imagine not being this loud.

Do you disengage your vocal chords? Or do you deliberately use them to go AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?

Can you sneeze into the crook of your arm to muffle it? But yes, unreasonable so long as you do your best to not startle her with the loud noise.

Team Wife. I bet you do what my DP does and add a little cancan kick flourish while you’re performance sneezing.

The OP isn't 'performance' sneezing.

He's just sneezing and his natural sneeze is just very loud.

Nope it's definitely performance sneezing. It's always the men too.

https://www.wikihow.com/Sneeze-Quietly

My dh is a loud sneezer, as is his dad. It really does my head in as it often makes me jump.

I don’t sulk or have a go though. But I do wish he would try to muffle it… surely you can try?!

Yes, if I don't have time to leave the room the only hope is to muffle it in a handkerchief or an elbow. I can mitigate the sound but the inherent volume is out of my control. To be clear, this is not a "performance".

It really annoys me when people moan about stuff like this, I see it a lot on here

People need to work on their tolerance levels.

I explosive sneeze. It's not exaggerated, I don't shout achoo, I don't put it on, but they are sudden and a bit louder than most people. One sneeze and it's over. Some people are dicks about it but I wouldn't tolerate a spouse or partner being a dick. Jeeze, I don't snore, fart, burp etc that some people do, we all have someone can't control,

I agree, there's even skits on the 'dad sneeze' because it's ALWAYS men.

Do you cover your nose and mouth with your hand to muffle it (and catch germs)? And as pp said, do you use your voice when you sneeze? I knew a bloke who did the big 'AAA-WOO-SHOO' with no attempt to cover his mouth and it was very annoying, not to mention unhygienic.

I agree. I don’t know any women who do this. If it couldn’t be helped then surely more people would be doing it?

The irony 🤣

I have sympathy for your wife. I have an extremely loud sneezer in the family, and yes it's a man.. It is ridiculously loud and often literally painful. You can feel your ears go because it's so intense. It's almost like a mini sonic boom.

My dad shit himself once trying to hold in a sneeze he failed and violently sneezed and shit one of my funniest memories as a kid tbh so was the look of disgust on my mums face 🤣 so yea don't try hold them in!!

It is bloody unhygienic to not cover your face

My dad had a massive sneeze used to really piss me off but also really embarrassing in restaurants etc

DH does this and we take the piss out of him which I think is the appropriate response. He is from a different country and I have been known to comment that his family have just rung to say “bless you”

I really couldn’t take it too seriously so you need to check why it is upsetting her so much.