To have a row over a sneeze

[BarchesterTowels]

My wife really hates it when I sneeze. In fact, I think it's the only thing in our relationship that has ever made her truly angry. And, to be fair, my sneezes are quite violent and noisy. But they are totally genuine, I'm not playing them up or doing it for effect. My dad was also an explosive sneezer, and so is my only sibling, so maybe it's hereditary.

It doesn't happen often, but when it does my wife gets absolutely furious if I sneeze in her presence. I once did it on a country walk and she didn't talk to me for over an hour. At home I either have to sprint out of the room and sneeze elsewhere, or stifle it by pinching my nose. I hate doing that (it's painful) and I once read that it could be dangerous.

I've tried talking to my wife about it but she won't even let me broach the subject. My perspective is that it's a bodily function, I don't have any control over it and it's just a part of me she needs to accept. I'd love to know what she thinks I should do when I get an ominous tickle in the back of my throat while we're watching TV, but my last attempt to find out resulted in a prolonged sulk (hers, not mine)
Our marriage is otherwise happy and totally harmonious. AIBU?

@RandomMess yes exactly theres stuff you can do if you care to make the effort. I hardly make any noise when I sneeze because I automatically hold my nostrils closed with my hand and hold my breath.. ive always done that. The only sound I make is a squeak.
Then my husband will sit there and scream sneeze at top volume because he doesnt do anything, he doesnt even cover his face.. he just lets it happen and is like 'Aaaarrrgghhhghghgchuuu!!' Then says 'oh i can't help it thats just how I sneeze!' Gives me the rage its such bollocks

Answer me this - which do you think my neighbours would prefer to hear, while we're all out in our gardens? Would they rather hear a massive, noisy sneeze, (which I can't help and which will have hurt me far more than it hurt them) or a massive, noisy fart, which I also can't help, which is what happens if I try to hold a big sneeze in?

I believe that you may think you are being sincere, I just don't believe that you can't control the volume of your sneezes.

My DM is a loud sneezer, I believed I was too until my early 20s when I actually realised you can sneeze without using your vocal chords. I sometimes indulge in a performance sneeze when I'm home alone but it is totally unfair to make such a loud, sudden noise around other people.

It's learned behaviour from your dad OP, you need to try and do something about it.

I always held my breath because I find sneezing painful and can confirm it's not any more painful or stingy by not holding it.

It's also about lung capacity and diaphragm strength. I used to play a brass instrument 😬

Honestly your neighbours are probably spending all summer Zoopla-ing remote houses on the Outer Hebrides. Imagine enjoying your Pimms, enjoying the tulips when the the next thing you hear is ‘AH AH AH PFFFFFFFFTTTTT 💨’.

Seems a bit twattish everyone getting so annoyed at a sneeze, some people sneeze louder than others and yeah I guess men in general are more often loud sneezers it doesn't mean they're doing it on purposem

I've never tried to regulate the noise of my farts, didn't even think of it as a possibility

My DH is a ridiculously loud sneezer and it really irritates me as it makes me bloody well jump out of my skin! Also he has sneezed more quietly in the past, thereby demonstrating that it is possible not to wake Norway up with it!!

As a compromise, when you feel that a sneeze is imminent, could you give her a warning? That way , she won’t die if a heart attack which is why I suspect she is angry with you (or it’s a possibility that I am projecting 😁)

@Mouldyfoodhelp I do not believe you... you just loudly fart whenever you want to do you? Even in public? No. Most people avoid farming loudly in public. Altho occasionally it happens by accident. If you actually care to you can control most bodily functions to some extent. No ones going to get cross at anyone who accidentally fails at some point..., its just these people who do not even try and just go around scream sneezing or shout belching in shared space not giving a shit how annoying it is for everyone else. Like just try your best. Theres people on here claiming 'its just how I sneeze' or whatever and I bet you now they've never actually tried to sneeze any differently

Would you do a massive loud sneeze at a funeral?

If the answer is no. Then don't fucking do it at home either!

I can guarantee you when i fart I just fart, luckily If I had to estimate I'd say a good 85% of farts I do are silent/ quiet and maybe that's why I don't worry about it.

Do people practice sneezing? How? Anytime I sneeze it just happens and then yes I then nornally have to sneeze multiple times.

I do think it's likely how people sneeze, not on purpose but just naturally how people do it and it likely can be changed but I have sneezing fits so irregularly it seems silly to try and police how i or others sneeze and I cant imagine being anxious of annoying someone due to sneezing too loud

@Mouldyfoodhelp has anyone ever commented on how loud you sneeze? If not then like the facts it cant be that loud and is not a problem. Let me tell you there are some real scream sneezes out there and you'd understand why its deeply annoying if you encountered one. Its really jarring and stressful to just have someone shouting basically, at random intervals.

@Gerrataere

Was he called Dave….?

If so, you forgot the chewing of coffee.

😂😂😂
Actually, we're pretty tolerant round here......

I'm at the age now where if I try and hold a sneeze in I piss myself. I have to let it out.

pollen season i sneeze big for evenings

I (female) have an earth shattering sneeze. The sort where you have to brace the walls.

I do not vocalise. Sometimes it's so sudden I don't have time to do anything. However I don't do it often. And maybe it's just me but in any of those sensitive situations referred to I never do. Perhaps because you have to be relaxed to sneeze, where there's something going on that keeps you even slightly alert you don't. Ever wondered why it's incredibly rare to hear a sneeze on live TV or radio?

(I once sneezed and tore my retina.)

Team wife.

Excessively noisy sneezers CAN lessen the noise they make. No-ones asking for silence.

I grew up with a very load sneezing DF. Don't know if it's hereditary or learnt but I am a female loud sneezer. The only way to not sneeze loudly is to suppress it and I then end up doing 8-12 consecutive sneezes which is also ridiculously embarrassing
Sneezes when driving are the worst so I do the one ferocious sneeze for safety purposes!

🤣🤣🤣🤣 hilarious!

I cannot believe your wife doesn’t speak to you for an hour, how childish.

Is explosive sneezing a male thing or do women do it too? I ask because I've never once heard a woman do this apart from one of my DDs who is allergic to dogs.

Did your mother sneeze explosively? Funny that you inherited this inability to sneeze quietly if so. Have you ever talked to your mother about how she felt living with a house full of loud sneezers?

I suspect the explosive sneezing may be something you do that is all about male privilege, in your wife's mind.

But misophonia is also a possibility, and she won't be able to get over it if so.

YYYYY to this ^^

With bells on.

Team wife. I’d divorce you, everyone can sneeze discretely.

@Brightandshining nailed it completely.

@Gardenerboo I also agree everyone can sneeze discretly. It actually makes me irrationally annoyed at the Ops claim to not be able to!