To have a row over a sneeze

[BarchesterTowels]

My wife really hates it when I sneeze. In fact, I think it's the only thing in our relationship that has ever made her truly angry. And, to be fair, my sneezes are quite violent and noisy. But they are totally genuine, I'm not playing them up or doing it for effect. My dad was also an explosive sneezer, and so is my only sibling, so maybe it's hereditary.

It doesn't happen often, but when it does my wife gets absolutely furious if I sneeze in her presence. I once did it on a country walk and she didn't talk to me for over an hour. At home I either have to sprint out of the room and sneeze elsewhere, or stifle it by pinching my nose. I hate doing that (it's painful) and I once read that it could be dangerous.

I've tried talking to my wife about it but she won't even let me broach the subject. My perspective is that it's a bodily function, I don't have any control over it and it's just a part of me she needs to accept. I'd love to know what she thinks I should do when I get an ominous tickle in the back of my throat while we're watching TV, but my last attempt to find out resulted in a prolonged sulk (hers, not mine)
Our marriage is otherwise happy and totally harmonious. AIBU?

I’m a female loud sneezer. They are explosive and painful. I have no control over the volume of my sneezes. They hurt my ears too. I don’t want to be sneezing so loudly. Because of my allergies, I have access to all sorts of specialists, my sneezing is just yet another way my malfunctioning immune system expresses itself.

accusing all loud sneezers of performative sneezing is not ok

What a load of bollocks. My sister is one of the loudest sneezers I know. It's not just men. Why is it on MN there are always people looking to have a go at men? Must be exhausting being you.

I find that DH doesn't sneeze that way in company or at work ( he WFH) so have no patience for his off duty sneezes.

There is no vocal cord involvement - it's noisy because of the sheer violence of the air being expelled

Is air noisy?

I can hear our downstairs neighbour from three floors up. I cannot hear the baby two floors down. “Performance sneezing” is a definite thing (and yep I would murder our neighbour if he actually lived with us)

Your wife needs to get a grip and grow up. Not talking to you for an hour because you sneezed too loudly? Ridiculous. And yes, there’s a massive difference between a theatrically loud sneeze and a loud sneeze that you can’t help. A lot of my family are loud sneezers (me included) and none of us do it deliberately. The quiet sneezers laugh at the loud ones and make jokes about it but they don’t get cross and tell us off and they certainly don’t stop talking to us.

You don’t say whether you’re a man or a woman but I definitely think this is one of those posts where, if people believed you were a woman and your partner was a man, you’d get a much more sympathetic response and your partner would be called a petulant man-child.

Of course air is noisy if it’s forced rapidly through a small channel (in this case, the human respiratory system).

How do you think a flute works? What do you think is making the noise when the wind blows through a tunnel? Jeez.

When I worked, yes. There is no vocal cord interaction when I sneeze, just involuntary expulsion of air through my nose and mouth. Often repeatedly, due to fucking abysmal allergies.

I am utterly bemused by the number of either stupid or desperate for offence posters on this thread. Despite many people saying they’re women, and doing what they can to mitigate what isn’t a particularly pleasant to experience bodily function, we’re apparently all performative men.

I have a vagina, my sneezes are loud, I do no achoo/vocalise, if I hold a sneeze for too long and try the ‘divert the power’ bullshit I get nosebleeds and/or migraines.

At this point, the prolonged disgusted reaction of some posters to my expelling an allergen would be far more disproportionate and unreasonable than my sneeze.

There's also the subjective definition of 'loud' to consider

Wtf.. if this was a woman saying a man acted this way towards her because of how loudly she sneezed everyone would be shouting about how abusive the man was for reacting this way..

now the sexes are reversed it’s funny to see the comments tbh.

OP have you been to a GP? there may be some sort of medication or even possibly surgery that could potentially be done to make this less effective (the sneeze)..

people on here stating that it’s “performance sneezing” are just simple women who think men are to blame for every little thing, take no notice!

your wife has no right to treat you this way, even if it is pissing her off, she should be understanding that you can’t help it! She needs to learn how to be empathetic emotionally and learn to grow up..

my husband irritates me when he eats, does that give me the right to make him feel uncomfortable eating around me? No it doesn’t, just like your wife doesn’t have the right to make you feel anxious about a bloody sneeze!

my advice, seek help from your GP, see if anything could potentially be done to help, is it possibly hay fever? Because that has been awful for people this year! A lot of people in my work are constantly sneezing due to it and having to take medication for it.. try some Antihistamines to see if that takes the edge off..