To have a row over a sneeze

[BarchesterTowels]

My wife really hates it when I sneeze. In fact, I think it's the only thing in our relationship that has ever made her truly angry. And, to be fair, my sneezes are quite violent and noisy. But they are totally genuine, I'm not playing them up or doing it for effect. My dad was also an explosive sneezer, and so is my only sibling, so maybe it's hereditary.

It doesn't happen often, but when it does my wife gets absolutely furious if I sneeze in her presence. I once did it on a country walk and she didn't talk to me for over an hour. At home I either have to sprint out of the room and sneeze elsewhere, or stifle it by pinching my nose. I hate doing that (it's painful) and I once read that it could be dangerous.

I've tried talking to my wife about it but she won't even let me broach the subject. My perspective is that it's a bodily function, I don't have any control over it and it's just a part of me she needs to accept. I'd love to know what she thinks I should do when I get an ominous tickle in the back of my throat while we're watching TV, but my last attempt to find out resulted in a prolonged sulk (hers, not mine)
Our marriage is otherwise happy and totally harmonious. AIBU?

I bet you’re performative with it. I bet you can tone it down if you tried. DH does big irritating sneezes and it is a bone of contention. I just scoff at him rather than silent treatment but maybe in another 20 years I’ll have reached the end of my tether 😂

It’s not hard to not voice it though. There’s no need to involve the voice box. WWWWWACHOOOO is totally unnecessary. I don’t know why you’re sneezing if as you say you feel a ‘tickle in the back of my throat’. So cough! Sneezing is for noses and noses don’t make a big noise.

Do you catch the sneeze in a tissue?
Because not doing that would give me serious problems.
My DP sometime performance sneezes into the air, and when I say 'sleeve' he says he didn't have time. Er Yes, you DID have time - all through the AAAAA bit.

My mum used to do irritatingly loud sneezes she couldn't help, now she has dementia and sneezes perfectly normally...

Holding a sneeze back isn't hard. If I let it mine are loud. So I don't I hold the noise in and it's quieter not by punching my nose but by keeping my mouth shut.

There's someone in my office like you and it makes every bloody jump. So irritating.

Do people really say Achoo as they sneeze? I thought that was cartoons and people being performative. Mine is more like a a bit splutter like the cat does only bigger, but I try not to make noise, it just happens, even if I'm alone it sounds the same, so not performative at all, no leg kicks, just a weird splutter noise.

I'm not the loudest sneezer I've ever heard, but I'm not quiet, either. I'm a woman, btw, and it's definitely not a performance! It's actually quite embarrassing to sneeze loudly in public.

There's nothing in it for the OP, for instance. Why would you intentionally sneeze loudly when you know it will only make your life miserable? If you knew how to make it quieter without hurting yourself, why wouldn't you?

Loud, unexpected noises are annoying, but sometimes they can't be helped.

Good question.

Could you really not tone it down a bit?

Or suppress it a bit?

I worked with a woman who did this, it was definitely performance sneezing and IMO attention seeking.

Yours sounds innocent and yes, she is being unreasonable to go into a bad mood.

I had an Ex who performative burped, claimed he couldn’t help it but funnily enough he never did it in company, in front of his daughter or in work.

It did put me in mood and totally gave me the ick, hence part of why he is now an Ex.

DH thinks I performance sneeze. I don't. I just sneeze loudly. It's not something I can imagine anyone doing for fun

When my husband starts one of his LOUD sneeze-athons I find myself fantasising about taking a large rubber prop frying pan to the side of his head, a la Vic and Bob. He sneezes about 6 or 7 times in a row and they penetrate every fibre of my being. It's the volume - which seems to be turned up to 11 - along with the repetitiveness. My mother was a loud sneezer who would bellow A-HOO-AY out of the blue, scaring the shit out of me. So I think that's why I grew up sneezing like a tiny, sickly kitten whispering 'cheeses'.

I think you just don't know what a performance sneeze is. It's sounds massively irritating so I'm not surprised it pisses your wife off massively.

Thing is, these types of sneezes are just like snoring. It may not be deliberate (in the case of sneezing I still maintain some people do behave excessively) but the moment anyone else brings up how disturbing it is, the one doing it instantly shuts down and throws out ‘but I can’t help it!!’. Maybe they can’t but they can at least accept they are for a moment (or a night) being extremely irritating to others. The effect of loud noises can really be mentally draining or even painful and have the person dismiss it as something that simply has to be put up with can understandably cause great irritation. Can’t someone just be irritated for a moment? (Again the hour long sulking is not ok).

I'm a man and fully agree. I've changed the way I sneeze as it used to hurt my chest.
Late bil...twat...used to performance blow his nose...always in public in restaurants.

I get irrationally angry when my OH sneezes too, you know why? It's because it always happens in the evenings when we sit down with a cup of tea and snacks, I'll press play on a programme we've saved to watch and we will just start getting into it and then he does 3 massive sneezes in a row while I've got my biscuit midway to my mouth and I'm trying to hear what's happening.

It irritates me so much.

I don’t condone violence. However I eventually had to stop sharing dinner time with my ex (I mean eventually permanently) due to his eating habits. He could crunch soup I swear. I’ve never known someone’s mouth to make so much noise when eating, then after every few bites he’d lick every finger then carry on. Slurp pop slurp. He couldn’t eat an ice lolly properly, he would perform fellatio on it. He’d sit with a family sized packet of crisps, chewing them all individually 100 times, finger licking and mouth smacking in between every last crisp until… well I left.

But I guess it made the sneezing easier to deal with 😳

OH it's like a Gatling gun emptying it's clip

Your wife is being unreasonable and sounds immature.

@Gerrataere - how on earth did no one ever pick him up on it????

I did. Lead to a massive argument. So I dropped it and eventually (due to many other reasons as well I’d add) left.

I've put YABU because my husband does this and it drives me up the wall. Can you not just make a little bit of effort to make less noise? Its so jarring to just be sat there chilling and out of nowhere your husband just scream sneezes. Its ridiculous. It honestly seems theatrical. Or like one of those antisocial inconsiderate things men do without thinking.. like spreading their legs out in small spaces, or never moving out of the way just expecting people walking to navigate round them.. and most of the time they are unaware they are doing these things or think its just a natural instinct they can't help.. when actually women from a young age are taught to consider those around them so much that they learn to sneeze quietly, take up less space and be specially aware so they maneuver around people. These are learnt behaviours. Ask yourself now when you have EVER heard a woman sneezing as loud as you do? Do you think this is because women don't sneeze?? You know you could make the effort to sneeze more quietly. You just don't want to.
For me it drives me mad because I have young children and spend all day in constant noise.. then when I'm trying to relax after they've gone to sleep I've got some man scream sneezing out of nowhere and making me jump... it gives me the rage. Fkn have some consideration for the people around you.

A lot of people on this thread simply don't believe me, but I'm quite sincere when I say it's not performative and there's nothing I can do to make it less explosive. For instance, I once sneezed violently in my sleep, waking us both up in the process.

Are you actually making an effort though? Have you actually really tried to sneeze quieter? Like I said... when have you ever heard a woman scream sneezing? Not bloody often. You think there's something super different about men that they just sneeze louder? No. Its that they dont care and they dont try.

I am a very loud and explosive sneezer.

I researched into it and learnt not to hold my breath and continue breathing and it's made a massive difference.

Thank you I will try this.