To have a row over a sneeze

[BarchesterTowels]

My wife really hates it when I sneeze. In fact, I think it's the only thing in our relationship that has ever made her truly angry. And, to be fair, my sneezes are quite violent and noisy. But they are totally genuine, I'm not playing them up or doing it for effect. My dad was also an explosive sneezer, and so is my only sibling, so maybe it's hereditary.

It doesn't happen often, but when it does my wife gets absolutely furious if I sneeze in her presence. I once did it on a country walk and she didn't talk to me for over an hour. At home I either have to sprint out of the room and sneeze elsewhere, or stifle it by pinching my nose. I hate doing that (it's painful) and I once read that it could be dangerous.

I've tried talking to my wife about it but she won't even let me broach the subject. My perspective is that it's a bodily function, I don't have any control over it and it's just a part of me she needs to accept. I'd love to know what she thinks I should do when I get an ominous tickle in the back of my throat while we're watching TV, but my last attempt to find out resulted in a prolonged sulk (hers, not mine)
Our marriage is otherwise happy and totally harmonious. AIBU?

YANBU
I couldn't be married to someone who sneeze shouts.
Our next door neighbours husband used to do it. I'm glad they are divorced.

Any farting or orgasm noises are fair game, as is snoring.

Taking the mick out a woman having an orgasm will not end well. And snoring should be brought up on, not only is it horrific to sleep next to, if it’s noticeable enough to comment on then that persons health could well be at risk. In a real sense there needs to be a compromise, the op should try to be more considerate, maybe look into non harmful methods of sneezing quieter but getting angry and sulking is not an ok response if he can’t stop being loud.

If this is really the only issue then we all have our flaws. In my personal experience it was the tip of the iceberg of annoying loud bodily functions (including snoring which I don’t think was unrelated to the loud sneezing and mouth breathing on top) but there’s only so much you can mention before you start sounding like you hate the person….

Exactly this! I have found myself sneezing the same as my mum’s loud and explosive sneezes the older I get.

And I am mortified by it. But according to MN, I’m clearly putting it on 🙄

Your wife has possibly got some kind of psychological disorder which makes her behave irrationally when she hears certain sounds.

I say try to de-sensitise her by introducing as many other loud noises as possible.
Fart a lot, especially after you've eaten Brussels sprouts, cabbage or curry.
Shout "fuck off" through a megaphone or rolled-up paper.
Crunch an apple with as much force as you can muster.

Your wife is quite ridiculous

I’d leave her, what a nasty person to sulk and throw moods over something that’s normal.

It's the tension in your mouth, throat and nose.

When she isn't around and you feel sneezy, pay attention to what happens. Try relaxing and breathing in, or closing your mouth as you sneeze.

People tend not to think about it and assume it's involuntary. It's actually learned.

Think about babies. They sort of splutter as they sneeze. It's a sharp exhale through the nose.

It's only as we get older and vocalise all the time that the tendency to bellow while sneezing kicks in.

It's the same as vomiting. DH thinks it's witchcraft that I don't roar 'BLEURGHGHGH' as I vomit.

My dad was also an explosive sneezer, and so is my only sibling, so maybe it's hereditary.

Learned behaviour, you mean?

Come on, there's plenty of situations where loud sneezing would be completely inappropriate. Axe murderer has been mentioned, but anything in a formal/professional setting, I'm sure you wind it in or have just been very very lucky.

It's like farting loudly. There's a time and a place and you can damn well help it.

My Mother and all my Aunts on her side of the family had huge loud shrieky sneezes, I, (and all my female cousins) have developed one its quite embarrassing for me if I sneeze in public. On the other hand DH's is a very quiet little squeaky grunt!
Not all men are performance sneezers, and I agree its not something you can easily control, and anyway a good sneeze is very satisfying😆

Team wife here. I am married to a hyperloud sneezer. I don't expect him to hold it in. I do expect him to try to soften the sound a little in a handky or the crook or his arm or at the very least to give a millisecond's warning. The noise is terrific and if I am happily peeling potatoes or somesuch only to have him scream aloud, without warning, just behind me is bloomin' inconsiderate . . . And heart attack inducing. I really hate it.

Well, obviously. He's a man therefore a twat. 🙄😴

Try hissing 'SSSSSSS' as you sneeze.

Don't try and stifle or muffle it, that is what hurts. Just hisss instead of vocalising the 'chooo'!

Do you not see the hypocrisy here? He isn’t allowed to sneeze naturally but you say ‘Taking the mick out a woman having an orgasm will not end well.’

Such double standards, despite the waffle.

My mum does it. Stamps her feet at the same time 😂

That seems extremely mean of her. I used to be horrified by my grandmother's explosive sneezing and now I do exactly the same thing. I even give myself a shock My kind, tolerant, patient husband never says anything even though I am always criticising him about his bodily functions in a horrid, hypocritical way. He is slightly deaf so mabye that helps. Just ignore the old bag when she goes off in a huff or tell her to put some ear plugs in.

This is a very boring troll IMHO.

There's just no need to sneeze loudly, ever!

My wife sneezes very loud but just won't change so I pick my battles. It is extremely loud with a large AHHHHH.....

I guess I know I can delay my sneezes slightly and make sure they are light in company so always assume others can ..

Don’t run off to another room. Do it while making eye contact.

Not what I’m saying, and I do appreciate that women sneeze loudly and there’s a negative consequence to holding back too much. But men are louder and far less likely to attempt to hold back on a sneeze/nose blowing/belch/fart or any other noise that can often be held back with some consideration.

dh is a "performance" loud shouty disgusting snotty sneezer at home, starts with heavy gasping breathing and is followed with a big sniff and and bigger aaaaahhhhhh afterwards, but put him somewhere where it isn't appropriate and he still makes a fair bit of noise but nothing like the revolting performance at home.

There are ways to reduce the noise of sneezing while not causing a brain injury 🙄 and the before and after performances are not necessary at all, it takes a bit of practise and is a choice for most people.

The pain of you stifling a sneeze is less than the pain of your wife to listen to it.
You can train yourself to stifle them as a reflex, I haven't sneezed audibly in years.

I get irrationally furious at dh’s sneezing. Many’s the time that the cat has been snoozing peacefully on my lap, only to be as good as catapulted off by an explosion of a sneeze from nowhere. Not even an introductory ‘aaah, aaah…’ It’s bloody annoying. I refuse to accept he can’t modify it!

Some people in here have to get over their man-hating. OP is in here specifically because he's tried to stop... he's tried everything, and now he's asking for advice. You honestly think he's in here to show his wife all your posts that reaffirm she's being unreasonable? Loud sneezing is not exactly a brag!

Had this been a woman, you'd all be saying sneezes can't be helped, that he's an intolerant dick, and probably to leave him!

She's being unreasonable, and if she's not even letting you broach the subject to discuss solutions etc, she can get stuffed!

"Honey, I do something that annoys you, and I don't want you annoyed. What ideas do you have?"
-"I don't want to talk about it"

Na, you've tried... carry on as usual, this is on her.

You need to desensitise her.

In private, record yourself sneezing.

Get family and friends onboard in helping you and send them the recorded sneeze that they can randomly and discreetly play in her company.

Of an evening and at weekends sound off the sneeze on your phone although be cautious at first if she is driving.

Perhaps have a word with your supermarket manager who can get the sneeze played through the tannoy system whilst she is shopping.

Once she gets used to hearing the sneeze here, there and everywhere she will have been safely acclimatised to the sound.

Then you can up your belching/farting.

My mom is a loud sneezer so is my son since puberty and growing bigger chest cavity my sons sneezes have been quite loud he trys to stifle them but ends up making a wierd turkey gobble noise instead

It's hilarious 😂