To have a row over a sneeze

[BarchesterTowels]

My wife really hates it when I sneeze. In fact, I think it's the only thing in our relationship that has ever made her truly angry. And, to be fair, my sneezes are quite violent and noisy. But they are totally genuine, I'm not playing them up or doing it for effect. My dad was also an explosive sneezer, and so is my only sibling, so maybe it's hereditary.

It doesn't happen often, but when it does my wife gets absolutely furious if I sneeze in her presence. I once did it on a country walk and she didn't talk to me for over an hour. At home I either have to sprint out of the room and sneeze elsewhere, or stifle it by pinching my nose. I hate doing that (it's painful) and I once read that it could be dangerous.

I've tried talking to my wife about it but she won't even let me broach the subject. My perspective is that it's a bodily function, I don't have any control over it and it's just a part of me she needs to accept. I'd love to know what she thinks I should do when I get an ominous tickle in the back of my throat while we're watching TV, but my last attempt to find out resulted in a prolonged sulk (hers, not mine)
Our marriage is otherwise happy and totally harmonious. AIBU?

Try not sneezing through your mouth, sneeze through your nose- get the irritant out AND it's quieter.

My DH is a loud sneezer, though he doesn’t do it very often thankfully. He has asthma, so I don’t hold it against him. It’s clear that he’s only doing it when he can’t help it.

I’m a frequent sneezer, too, so maybe that helps me to be more tolerant. My sneezes sound loud to me though no one has ever complained thankfully, so maybe it isn’t as loud as I fear it is. I mitigate by turning away and burying the sneezes in my elbow.

It often happens when I’m driving, which I really hate.

Oh and don’t even get me started on the nose blowing afterwards. Especially if it’s not a cold, so just trumpeting air into a hanky. I think this thread has triggered me….

She's a twat.

Husband has learnt not to use his voice during sneezes = better

Chooses to close his mouth however, resulting in loud explosive noise instead of quieter choo sound = annoying

You can control the Aaaaa, you can also control the choo to a great extent

I think in all of those scenarios one would risk the damage surely?

I never had myself down as someone irritated by others’ sneezes, but since working in an open plan office I get more and more irritated by the performance sneezing of a couple of my colleagues. Both women by the way.

One does a huge, explosive AAAAAACCCCHHOOOOOOO! Then loudly laughs afterwards cos she’s such a kooky character.
The other is a proper girly girl who sounds like she’s trying to make her sneeze sound sexy she makes this odd EEEEERRRRRRRCHOOOOOOOERRRRRRR breathy noise. Most odd and annoying.

Nope, it’s not always the men. I’m a loud sneezer and so is my mum. I absolutely hate it as I’m really self conscious about it and hate sneezing in front of other people.

It’s something to do with lung capacity, which makes sense why it runs in families.

My female neighbour had explosive sneezes
It was like a bomb 💣 going off.
They definitely made me jump a few times, and that was through a19th C thick party wall.

Not sure how one can sneeze quietly?
Covering nose and mouth with a large handkerchief??

My sneezes exit the premises loudly. I can’t control them. I don’t do an achoo, they’re just loud noises. I have allergies, so I dose myself up to the eyeballs with medication so I sneeze as little as possible, as I cannot adjust them in any way. I once spent a very uncomfortable few weeks trying to follow the batshit instructions of somebody I knew; all about pinching nose, clenching, and ‘diverting the power’ away from my nose. All that happened is that I got migraine and nosebleeds regularly. So now I just sneeze. I always bury my mouth and nose in a tissue, but that’s the extent of what I am able to do. If somebody decided I was being dramatic I’d call them a judgmental and clueless arse.

Sorry OP but you ARE performance sneezing. I sneeze quite violently too but it's entirely possible to keep the volume down. You can't control the violence, but you can control the noise. See PPs link above.

my dh is loud even woke me up from another room once-i do say ffs but i dont give th silent tratment over it

Nothing like the satisfaction of a full earth shattering sneeze.

This ^
When I’m at home I don’t restrain my sneeze, I don’t purposely make it loud but according to my DH it’s ear piercing 🙉 I sneeze into a tissue or my elbow etc but it apparently still makes his ears ring.
When out in public or at work I will hold my breath when I feel a sneeze coming so I’m holding it in/pushing it down but I find I end up sneezing more frequently in those instances, like I’ve not expelled whatever caused me to sneeze in the first place.

Along with other issues my old neighbour was a performance sneezer.. The loud AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! type that would make you jump out of your skin. Despite being in the (so often trotted out on MN) fortunate position of living in a detached house with them quite far away, it was so loud you could hear him through triple glazed bifold doors and noise cancelling headphones.

We moved because of it #teamwife.

I sneeze loudly too. No aaa but the choo is loud. Tried all the tricks but they only make me sneeze more times.

Ah, to have the ability to breathe out of both nostrils to do this would be lovely. I’ve badly broken my nose, you wouldn’t know from the outside, but the inside is so fucked I can only breathe through one nostril and even that one isn’t fully open.

If you were e.g. in the cinema or at a concert, would you manage to sneeze reasonably quietly?

The reason you sneeze so loudly is almost certainly because you’re ‘voicing’ it - i.e. you’re YELLING! at the same time. It’s perfectly possible to sneeze without yelling. As I’ve often told my dh, who also sneezes like a bomb going off. Funny how he manages not to do it in the cinema or theatre, though!

Not sure why it’s acceptable to call OP a liar because people think it’s ‘always men’.

If a woman came on saying she unintentionally sneezes loudly people wouldn’t her a liar.

OP, I think you need to be less apologetic and meek about the sneezes and just act blasé. Get it out and go back to what you’re doing. If she gives you silent treatment over a sneeze then ignore her right back and go to another room.

I used to laugh at my poor mums explosive sneezes but I developed them as i have gotten older. I notice that my dd's are getting louder too, since she turned 30. If I know they are coming I can stifle them a little by squashing my arm into my face, but sometimes they come on suddenly and escape. Unfortunately on mumsnet you will be accused of performance sneezing by people who seem to be capable of rigidly controlling their bodily functions, who sneeze delicately into a lace handkerchief (which is immediately washed) and plan when they poo, only ever at home and the toilet scrubbed and bleached afterwards. (And of course it doesn't smell, they would never allow that). I think your wife is being ridiculous tbh.

My DP does ridiculous sneezes. I used to get cross when he woke the baby up 🤬 but DD2 is the same now. DD1 and DS sneeze normally just DD2 has inherited the ridiculous loud sneeze.
🤷‍♀️

You should do this every time your wife farts .
Unless she is one of these people who claims they don't fart 🤣

love this! Im team wife I’m afraid. I don’t buy the ‘I can’t help how loud it is’. It’s irritating and it must drive her mad. It must make her jump every time. God if DH sneezed like an atomic bomb constantly I would get so pissed off. Adults are allowed to get pissed off, we don’t have to stifle all emotions and tolerances because we aren’t children.

Hi OP, I'm a massive sneezer so it's not only the men.

Like you I can try and muffle it but it is very uncomfortable when I do and often just leads to more sneezing. Even my quieter sneezes are loud, I've tried to do teeny ones, but it's just not happening. I can almost completely stop them, however when I do that I end up incredibly dizzy. I once nearly blacked out at a theatre after stopping a string of consecutive sneezes and thought to myself, if my vision is affected and I feel dizzy when I do it, then it's obviously not doing me any good at all, I've also popped capillary vessels in my eye twice after stifling sneezes, which believe me is not a good look when you have an eye that looks like a horror movie prop. So now I just sneeze naturally, I'd rather do that than risk my health and pop an artery. I do sneeze into a tissue or my hands for some sound attenuation. I genuinely don't give a flying fuck if people think it's a performance, it's just what my body naturally does. I mean I thought the days of shaming people for their bodies was passed, but clearly not on mumsnet and your partner obviously feels the same.

It's an involuntary action, she's being totally intolerant and unreasonable to sulk about it. Next time she makes an involuntary noise make a huge song and dance about it. Any farting or orgasm noises are fair game, as is snoring.

My DH also has a VERY loud sneeze. It it bloody irritating and makes my ears ring if we are in an enclosed space like a car.

It just comes across as so violent. The cat flees in terror.

He also chooses moments like school concerts, the theatre, cinema, public transport. Once we were waiting at a bus stop and his sneeze echoed around the nearby buildings. Everyone stared and a tramp started taking the piss by saying ‘achoo, achoo’

His triggers are wine and chocolate. So I have been tempted to ban him from those.

While saying that I know he can’t help it and while I might have told him to ‘Fucking Shut Up!’. I don’t hold it against him.

The funniest thing I've read in a LONG time.

We should all just grow up! 🤭🤭🤣🤣