To have a row over a sneeze

[BarchesterTowels]

My wife really hates it when I sneeze. In fact, I think it's the only thing in our relationship that has ever made her truly angry. And, to be fair, my sneezes are quite violent and noisy. But they are totally genuine, I'm not playing them up or doing it for effect. My dad was also an explosive sneezer, and so is my only sibling, so maybe it's hereditary.

It doesn't happen often, but when it does my wife gets absolutely furious if I sneeze in her presence. I once did it on a country walk and she didn't talk to me for over an hour. At home I either have to sprint out of the room and sneeze elsewhere, or stifle it by pinching my nose. I hate doing that (it's painful) and I once read that it could be dangerous.

I've tried talking to my wife about it but she won't even let me broach the subject. My perspective is that it's a bodily function, I don't have any control over it and it's just a part of me she needs to accept. I'd love to know what she thinks I should do when I get an ominous tickle in the back of my throat while we're watching TV, but my last attempt to find out resulted in a prolonged sulk (hers, not mine)
Our marriage is otherwise happy and totally harmonious. AIBU?

I have misophonia. I have horrible, irrational reactions to the most mundane noises my husband makes. I feel disgusting, anxious, fight or flight situation, cannot contain sudden brewing anger. For the longest time I'd tell him he was to blame. Then I realised neither of us could help it. Now we talk about it on these terms and it helps.

P.S. personally I love a bloody good sneeze. Just checked with husband, and he's ok with it too. Also his sneezing doesn't trigger me, it's just dozens of other trivial things.

Team Wife. I don't know any women who sneeze loudly.

Well several women on here have said they do

It's not just men. My Mum was an explosive sneezer, which used to make my Dad laugh, and I do it too, but only sometimes. If it's a big one, there's no help for it. People who aren't prone to doing this obviously have no flipping idea what it's like.

My DH has a sneeze like this and it can sometimes really piss me off.

First of all it makes me jump out of my skin. It's a really loud noise out of nowhere.

I asked him if he can close his mouth when he sneezes to keep the noise down, but he says he can't. It's always like he shouts when he sneezes.

I honestly thought he damaged my ears when were in close proximity once.

Fortunately none of my DDs inherited the sneeze.

I think your wife is taking it a bit too far but she has my sympathy.

Leaving aside whether the op is deliberately being loud because he gets a thrill from it, or whether it's unconscious learnt behaviour or whether it's just biology

He's doing something his wife finds annoying.

He has tried to talk to her about it.

my wife gets absolutely
she didn't talk to me for over an hour
She won't even let me broach the subject
Prolonged silk (hers

If this was the other way around, no matter how annoying the woman she'd be told that sulks and silent treatment and not being permitted to talk about it is abusive.

If she thinks he's a dickhead who loud sneezes for attention then she needs to tell him that. Not by refusing to talk about it and punishing him of he tries.

Op can you try broaching the subject when it hasn't just happened, so she's not already on annoyed mood?

What are you using to catch the sneeze🤧?

I (female) have honestly no idea how some women manage to do dainty little bird sneezes that just quietly go tshu tschu.
my sneezes are relatively loud compared to that. I can’t control it easily. If as mentioned below I was hiding from an axe murderer I’d hold my nose and mouth - it’s extremely uncomfortable and makes my eyeballs feel like they’ll pop out, and more to the point doesn’t actually fix the irritation so soon as I remove my hands the sneeze will come.
the only element that is controllable is that sometimes i deliberately say A-A-A before I sneeze as I scramble for a tissue by way of warning who I’m with as I don’t want to startle them.

lots of posters on here are being really offensive in stating that we are lying and could do little silent sneezes if we want to or that we’re somehow being deliberately dickish.

Just ignore the old bag when she goes off in a huff

Wowzers.
It's a thing isn't it? About men's performance sneezing? My OH performance sneezes. After a near miss accident after he sneezed while I was driving, the kids screaming, coming to a standstill in a field in Goathland, surrounded by sheep the first person to speak was him, quiet sulky voice... ' I can't help it'. I could have throttled him. Still does it. Noticed he can do the silent ones at weddings, in a museum, anywhere surrounded by other people though.

You probably shouldnt be driving if you managed to take the car off the road into a field because someone sneezed next to you

I'm a loud sneezer. I enjoy it.
My DH is a performance yawner - really gets my hackles up.
Have just asked DH if my sneezes annoy him and he said he doesn't like how loudly I blow my nose. Unfortunately (for him) i will continue to trumpet as its the only way to clear my airways. I do polite noseblowing in public but it doesn't do the job and makes me more likely to sneeze. I can't win, it seems.

Rubbish comparison. If a woman’s period blood was negatively impacting someone else, then they would have every right to call it disgusting and expect her to do something about it. That’s why we use period products, and if they leak we clean up after ourselves.

I’m team wife too. Loud sneezes negatively impact other people and it’s reasonable to expect you to do something to mitigate the noise. It’s not the how violent the sneeze is, no one can help that, it’s whether or not you voice it and whether you cover your mouth or not. Both of those things are a choice. Pack it in.

If someone let off an air horn in your ear without warning when you’re focused on driving, would you not also be likely to swerve in shock?

Even a performance, lifting up your legs at the same time sneeze? Well my goodness, I consider myself told.

My dh is a loud sneezer and it can scare the shit out of me. But it isn't the end of the world and forgotten about until the next time 😂😂

I have tried to stifle my sneeze when hold a baby I just got to sleep, sorry but a clean nappy only thing close by in my hand and tried to muffle, but no way it could be stopped, baby woke with a start and gave me a look of horror.
Holding my nose would result in ear pain, so that's a no, I already have ear damage not related

As he could easily be reaching 90dB, if not significantly louder, at a distance of approximately 2 foot (around the same level as a blender), he's close enough and loud enough to cause sudden physical pain.

When the usual level of sound in a car is around 50dB, he's suddenly made a noise loud enough to cause pain and startle anybody that's around 10,000 times louder.

It's not that she shouldn't be driving, it's that he shouldn't ever be in a car where he doesn't care enough about her life and that of their children and other road users to disengage his vocal chords and shut the fuck up.

Ron, is that you? It looks like your wife has posted a video about your sneezing. YABU.

https://i.imgur.com/8MWVkTl.mp4

Poor kitty. 👃💨🐱🙀💦

I sneeze multiple times always and I’m female. Some of them can be quite loud but all take me unaware and no I can’t stop it or quiet them down this is just how I sneeze sorry to anyone who may be upset by it but some of us can’t help it.

What an image

I do think you can control the volume of a sneeze to some extent

My husband is a very loud performance sneezer. He says he can't help it but like others have said, is able to turn the volume down at a funeral, in library etc. My way of dealing with it is to say very loudly and quickly whilst he is in mid-sneeze of usually 3 .."shut the fuck up". Not in front of him of course, but as he's so bloody loud he can't hear me say it. Helps get rid of my rage 😀

It is learned behaviour, you've learnt it from your Dad. You've reminded me of this article - Deaf people dont make a vocal noise when they sneeze, and different cultures make different noises.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/blogs-ouch-23162903.amp

This is my line of thinking. See also: loud/performative burping and farting (although I'll concede those are worse than loud sneezing).

I like this article. I was going to explain that different cultures have different sounds and that you don't actually have to say ACHOO at all, but saw your post!

My children don't say achoo. Their sneezes are just like loud sharp breathy splutters (like a loud cat sneeze, I guess)!

...loud "ACHOOS" are definitely learnt behaviour.

Unless you're sneezing directly into her open eyeballs, yanbu. She sounds a bit batshit tbh.