To have a row over a sneeze

[BarchesterTowels]

My wife really hates it when I sneeze. In fact, I think it's the only thing in our relationship that has ever made her truly angry. And, to be fair, my sneezes are quite violent and noisy. But they are totally genuine, I'm not playing them up or doing it for effect. My dad was also an explosive sneezer, and so is my only sibling, so maybe it's hereditary.

It doesn't happen often, but when it does my wife gets absolutely furious if I sneeze in her presence. I once did it on a country walk and she didn't talk to me for over an hour. At home I either have to sprint out of the room and sneeze elsewhere, or stifle it by pinching my nose. I hate doing that (it's painful) and I once read that it could be dangerous.

I've tried talking to my wife about it but she won't even let me broach the subject. My perspective is that it's a bodily function, I don't have any control over it and it's just a part of me she needs to accept. I'd love to know what she thinks I should do when I get an ominous tickle in the back of my throat while we're watching TV, but my last attempt to find out resulted in a prolonged sulk (hers, not mine)
Our marriage is otherwise happy and totally harmonious. AIBU?

Would you sneeze like this during a job interview?
Or if you had just spent an hour trying to get a baby to sleep and had finally succeeded?
Or when hiding from a ... whatever who was trying to hunt you down to kill you?

I bet you wouldn't

Bloody hell, tell her to get over herself, she is not the sneeze police.
If she sulks, let her but for gods sake don't leave the room to sneeze to appease her.

It might irritate her, but there's not a right lot you can do about sneezing. DH is loud when he sneezes and he's made me jump before now, but I never sulk about it. He says I have princess sneezes which I'm sure would annoy some people but, again, not a lot I can do.

This!

Its absolutely grim. Please tell me that you at least use a hankie to do your best to catch the sneeze?! It's unlikely I'd have married my DH if he did this as I couldn't cope with it so fair play to your wife that she did marry you despite this (assuming you had sneezed in front of her beforehand).

I sneeze loudly, I’m not putting it on, it’s just how it comes out (I’m a woman). Not ‘achoo’ but ‘aKyooo!’
The best way I’ve found to occasionally prevent a sneeze is to breathe out through my nose. My instinct is to breathe in to try and stop it and that just makes the sneeze louder.
But I think your wife’s being unreasonable if she won’t even discuss it!

I got the rage just reading your post.

There is normal sneezing, bless you, and then there is startling, ear drum piercing sneezing, just fucking stop it. I've only met one person like it in my life, I sympathise with your wife.

OH is an explosive sneezer it's a joke in our family. He doesn't do it deliberately

You don't need to use your vocal cords, this is a choice

The loudest sneezer I know is my female colleague, she does a massive Ah-Choo. It scares the shite out of me, it's so loud and unexpected l.

My OH does this and it is so so aggravating, especially when I'm in the middle of something stressful, it's enough to send me over the edge. He says he can't help it but it's quite clear from witnessing it that he is indulging himself

I agree, no one needs to be loud sneezing! Stop showing off

I'm a loud sneezer and so is my dad. Mine aren't always loud but sometimes they are and I don't know why. I really can't help it and don't do it deliberately. And yes, I have done it over a sleeping baby, in public, etc, because I have no control over it and don't know if it will be a loud one or not.

The correct response is just to say bless you and get over it.

My dh isn't just an explosive sneezer, he does at least 4 in quick succession.

It's annoying, but it's not his fault and does try his best to muffle them.

You can more considerate by sneezing into your elbow or covering your mouth, but I wouldn't sprint out of the room.

Carry a hanky! Tissues in yr pocket for goodness sake. Kitchen roll?
Sneeze into it/them.
Sound muffled, job done.

This from the loudest most fierce female sneezer ever …
Nothing like the satisfaction of a full earth shattering sneeze.
And, as above, find something your wife does and have a go at her for that!
Maybe this is actually a catalyst for other issues she has? Who knows.

She's being ridiculous.
People sneeze. My Dd has a very delicate quiet sneeze I don't. I sneeze often, walk out into sunshine, sneeze, smell perfumes, sneeze and on and on. Sometimes it's louder than others and I have no idea what it will be. I've sneezed so hard I've nearly fallen over a few times.
I also get into some sort of sneezing jag. 10 or more sneezes in a row (my mothers does it too) it's not good for my pelvic floor and my eyes are usually red and teary when done. I hate it.

I'm not a man and my sneezes are very loud. There is nothing I can do about this. During allergy season, they also happen with no warning. I rarely have chance to even try to stifle them. If I have a cold, it's a different matter because I'm usually ready for them with a suitable muffling device at hand and the sneezes themselves are different in some way and usually preceded by unmistakable signs, such as nose/throat tickling. But allergy sneezes - nope. They take me by surprise every time, frequently hurt my ear drums and make me bite my tongue. I don't do it for fun because it actually hurts.

My DH is like this, it is performance sneezing and it's fucking irritating. He actually enjoys the sensation and is clearly milking it for all it's worth: his speciality is multiple sneezes in quick succession.
He could easily control the subsequent sneezes and indeed has been known to do so, but he just enjoys it too much.
I don't shout or sulk but it's really annoying to have these explosive gunshot sneezes go off in rapid succession right next to your ears.
YADNBU, OP.

Pinch your nose when you feel one coming. Seriously though, whilst it’s probably unreasonable to get so angry about it, the whole ‘HAHAHAHAACHOOOOO’ thing does drive some people absolutely mad. It’s right up there with loud chewing/mouth smacking/‘mmmmhhmghhhmm’ eating sounds 🤢. Or breaking wind (burp or fart) wherever you are (without medical reason) simply because you felt like it. I’m still unpacking a lot of stuff over an ex, this may be more of a vent….

Another one here who doesn’t buy the “can’t help it” excuse. I bet you’d control it if you were hiding in the cupboard from the local axe murderer and sneezing would give your position away.

You learned the being loud method from your dad. You can learn to be a quiet sneezer if you try.

Natural sneeze = very loud. What aload of shit.

Im with your wife. I can't bear noisy people and performative dramatic sneezers.

Like a pp said, bet you wouldn't sneeze like it in a job interview or if you'd just got a baby to sleep.

Exactly this.

Honestly I believe that being excessively loud in bodily functions is just another way of man-spreading. I am man, hear me sneeze…

Actually some sneezes are far harder to stifle than others and often it is involuntary. Loud sneezers do tend to be men but that’s down to larger lung capacity and higher forces from larger diaphragms…
Of course some men are performative sneezers but others cannot help it. My husband is a quiet and unassuming person who never draws attention to himself but when he sneezes they are sudden and LOUD. He luckily doesn’t suffer from allergies or sneeze often, but when he does we ALL get a fright and yes he’s woken babies with his sneeze. He can’t help it though.
@BarchesterTowels yanbu and your wife is being horrible. Ask her how she’d feel if you said her she’s disgusting for bleeding during her period ? It’s a bodily function without control over it… she needs to grow up.

I can control my sneezes and make them as big or loud as I want. I’m fairly sure most people must have that ability?
Can you try not being so noisy? My father sneezes really loudly and it enrages me.

That made me laugh, sorry.. how long did it take to type THAT out!!

Op, I think your wife is being unfair. Can you work out when one is due so "MrsBarchesterTowels, I'm gonna SNEEZE!" Perhaps it just makes her jump and she needs a warning! 🥁🥁