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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling left out because I don't have a girl

223 replies

elive · 27/07/2023 16:23

I have two lovely sons, DS1 is 5 and DS2 is 3. I have 5 very close friends, every single one of them has a DD who is about 4 (all in the same school year everything), this wasn't planned obviously, 3 of them are born within 4 months of one and other, the others a little later. Most of them have other kids too, one has a 2 year old boy, another a 6 year old boy, so I can bond with them over that.
Right now all their girls are due to start their first year of proper school, they are all bonding over that, buying their cute uniforms etc. Last year my son started and I didn't really have anyone to share it with.
The girls all do ballet together on a Saturday morning, the school they do ballet at has a cafe so they all sit and have a cuppa together, neither of my boys want to do ballet, even if they did it is done on school years, so I'd be there at a different time.
When they were babies, it was much much less noticeable my son and the 5 girls were born within 18 months of each other, the baby stage and even toddlers was great.
Now the group chat is all buying the right ballet clothes, sharing cute outfit ideas etc. I just have nothing to contribute.

AIBU feeling left out? I don't really have other friends.

OP posts:
Hesma · 27/07/2023 16:25

Such a shame you feel like that, have you spoken to your friends about it? What activities do your boys do? Can you make an effort to get to know those parents and bond that way?

pastatriangles · 27/07/2023 16:25

YANBU to feel left out but I would put your son in some of his own activities so you can make new friends as well as your own circle.

Weflewinstyle · 27/07/2023 16:26

There’s only so much you can say about ballet outfits

surely, surely, you talk about loads of other stuff aswell?

Weflewinstyle · 27/07/2023 16:26

Are these nct friends?

pastatriangles · 27/07/2023 16:27

Or suggest some regular neutral activities like softplay or gymnastics that you can all do together

Weflewinstyle · 27/07/2023 16:27

Are they all going to the same school?

MardaNorton · 27/07/2023 16:27

It's pretty depressing that your friends seem to have turned into clones over 'cute outfit ideas' -- I can't decide whether you would love to have had a daughter so you could join in this kind of cutesy nonsense, or whether it's boring you to death? If the latter, I'd suggest you may have outgrown them. Either way, it sounds to me as if you need to expand your friendship circle. Are there friendship opportunities among your son's friends' parents? We moved countries when DS was 7 and DH and I have made good friends with DS's friends' parents, who are a great bunch of people.

Weflewinstyle · 27/07/2023 16:28

so I can bond with them over that.

but there’s so many other ways to “bond” that don’t involve children!

pilates · 27/07/2023 16:28

Give it a couple of years when all the girls may start falling out and you will be thankful. 😀

Original poster
elive · 27/07/2023 16:29

Weflewinstyle · 27/07/2023 16:26

Are these nct friends?

No, we have been friends for well over a decade, met in early 20s through uni or mutuals.

OP posts:
FranticHare · 27/07/2023 16:29

I had similar - it was hard work and the friendships ultimately didn’t last. Tbf they weren’t strong friendships before, they were quite new, although we were getting closer. Then the fact we had different sex children really became an issue. Ridiculous, but there you go!

Original poster
elive · 27/07/2023 16:30

Weflewinstyle · 27/07/2023 16:27

Are they all going to the same school?

No but they are all going to private prep schools, my kids don't so I guess that is just another thing I don't relate to.

OP posts:
Weflewinstyle · 27/07/2023 16:30

elive · 27/07/2023 16:29

No, we have been friends for well over a decade, met in early 20s through uni or mutuals.

Show quote history

And you all live in same catchment area for same school?

fruitbrewhaha · 27/07/2023 16:30

“Cute outfit ideas” sound like hell. How much do they discuss dresses etc?

Your last sentence resonates with me, maybe it would be good to branch out and find some other friends. I’m not suggesting you ditch this group entirely but you need to find your tribe. (Who have more interesting conversations than what their dd is wearing).

Weflewinstyle · 27/07/2023 16:31

elive · 27/07/2023 16:30

No but they are all going to private prep schools, my kids don't so I guess that is just another thing I don't relate to.

Show quote history

That’s one hell of a coincidence

friends from uni
all living very close to each other
all have girls same age
and all sending to same private school??

XelaM · 27/07/2023 16:31

pilates · 27/07/2023 16:28

Give it a couple of years when all the girls may start falling out and you will be thankful. 😀

This! Also they will most likely quit ballet 🩰 My daughter also did ballet at that age, but most girls do and then quit. Girls friendships always go wrong at some point and there is bound to be drama once they're a bit older. Also they might want to hang out with your boys as they get older 😅

Weflewinstyle · 27/07/2023 16:32

do you / they work?

DisquietintheRanks · 27/07/2023 16:32

What are the chances of all the little girls wanting to do ballet? They want to do it cause their mums tell them they do. On this principle you can enrol your son in a ballet class same way you would a daughter and discuss cute outfits or maybe just find some friends who don't discuss boys and girls as though they are members of separate species. Suppose you had a daughter who didn't want to do ballet, what would you do then?

Original poster
elive · 27/07/2023 16:32

MardaNorton · 27/07/2023 16:27

It's pretty depressing that your friends seem to have turned into clones over 'cute outfit ideas' -- I can't decide whether you would love to have had a daughter so you could join in this kind of cutesy nonsense, or whether it's boring you to death? If the latter, I'd suggest you may have outgrown them. Either way, it sounds to me as if you need to expand your friendship circle. Are there friendship opportunities among your son's friends' parents? We moved countries when DS was 7 and DH and I have made good friends with DS's friends' parents, who are a great bunch of people.

Half and half really, would have liked a girl to be able to contribute, equally it is dull !! Some of them are better than others.
We do talk about other things, meet up once a month, but since they meet up weekly I'm behind on topics, feel out of the loop.
My DS's do clubs but the parents seem quite cliquey and insular? might just be where I live!

OP posts:
LadyBird1973 · 27/07/2023 16:32

Wait until the girls are old enough to fall out with each other. Or one is much prettier or smarter than the others - you'll be very glad you have a son!
In the meantime try to organise some activities that don't involve the kids at all, or that involve all of them.

continentallentil · 27/07/2023 16:33

You need to work on widening your circle.

As they get older they will come back but right now you are entering the girl/boy divide years.

Saying that outdoor activities - forest schools, camping in the garden, scouts/sea scouts work very well as mixed sex activities all through primary, so I think you can say quite openly to your friends w girls that you know they will divide a bit but you love to find some things they can do together.

Don’t make this bigger than it is either. You might not want to join the ballet school coffee but there’s lots you can still do with them.

But more friends is always good - enrol him in some stuff and make them.

Original poster
elive · 27/07/2023 16:33

Weflewinstyle · 27/07/2023 16:30

And you all live in same catchment area for same school?

Show quote history

None of us live in the same area really, we all live in London, kids all going to different schools.

OP posts:
continentallentil · 27/07/2023 16:34

elive · 27/07/2023 16:30

No but they are all going to private prep schools, my kids don't so I guess that is just another thing I don't relate to.

Show quote history

Oh - I get the uniform thing more now.

Weflewinstyle · 27/07/2023 16:35

Different schools?

op - there’s about to be major changes in this group. They will all focus a lot of their attention on their new schools and new friends.

ballet speak will soon dry up!

Original poster
elive · 27/07/2023 16:36

Weflewinstyle · 27/07/2023 16:31

That’s one hell of a coincidence

friends from uni
all living very close to each other
all have girls same age
and all sending to same private school??

Show quote history

The only coincidence is all having girls, none are going to the same school, we all live in London, but different areas. When I say met through uni, I mean I dated a guy who shared a flat with one, they knew the other from uni etc. none of us studied the same thing, two not even the same uni. More we just met around our uni years.

OP posts:
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