Feeling left out because I don't have a girl

[elive]

I have two lovely sons, DS1 is 5 and DS2 is 3. I have 5 very close friends, every single one of them has a DD who is about 4 (all in the same school year everything), this wasn't planned obviously, 3 of them are born within 4 months of one and other, the others a little later. Most of them have other kids too, one has a 2 year old boy, another a 6 year old boy, so I can bond with them over that.
Right now all their girls are due to start their first year of proper school, they are all bonding over that, buying their cute uniforms etc. Last year my son started and I didn't really have anyone to share it with.
The girls all do ballet together on a Saturday morning, the school they do ballet at has a cafe so they all sit and have a cuppa together, neither of my boys want to do ballet, even if they did it is done on school years, so I'd be there at a different time.
When they were babies, it was much much less noticeable my son and the 5 girls were born within 18 months of each other, the baby stage and even toddlers was great.
Now the group chat is all buying the right ballet clothes, sharing cute outfit ideas etc. I just have nothing to contribute.

AIBU feeling left out? I don't really have other friends.

They would be the parents who are all “I can afford a house near a great state school so kid can go there. Oh crap state schools aren't as good. I can afford the private so that’s where kid is going”.
Who has said this?

That amused me as well. Funny how she’s dropped the resident pass thing as well. Cannot imagine why.

I do indeed know that. They also often have entrance exams.

You know you really shouldn’t make assumptions about people.

So why not leave them in state school beyond KS1?

Actually your evidence is not evidence at all! Your link is not comparing like for like. To be evidence, you would have to do research into the outcomes of children of similar intelligence from equally wealthy, educated and aspirational families. (Assuming most private school parents fit those categories). If you did that research, you would likely find there’s very little actual gap.

Cute outfits? These are children not dolls, not every girl wants to do ballet or is a carbon copy of the cliche all girls are assumed to being

I hope your children don't know you feel like this

Which isn’t going to happen because wealthy families aren’t going to disadvantage their children?

It doesn’t a genius to work out if you’re paying for smaller classes, better equipment, etc etc your child will do better. it doesn’t mean children from state children won’t do well but chances are they would have done better if privately educated.

Feel free to share something that says private school isn’t an advantage. That larger classes, staffing issues, under resourced schools can provide the same opportunities. Would love to see it.

I thought the whole point of private school was because the education/teaching and equipment is better hense why you have to pay for it,of course if your child/children isn't fully enagaged then they won't achieve the outcome, but in general private school education is a lot better

Which isn’t going to happen because wealthy families aren’t going to disadvantage their children?

Only if your assertion that no wealthy London family sends their child to state school is correct. Perhaps we would need to do our research outside London! Perhaps we could do our research with families on the borderline where paying for private education would be a struggle!

It’s true that private schools tend to have smaller classes and offer more opportunities generally. Not sure about better equipment at primary level. Does this lead to better outcomes at A level, if we are comparing children with all other things being equal?

Apparently not. Apparently it makes no difference at all.

Yes. Access to smaller classes, a broader curriculum, more enrichment etc leads to better outcomes. Surprised people don’t know this. if it didn’t why would anyone ever send their child to private school?! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Dame Alice Owen was actually the no1 state school in the country at least two years ago.

I cannot overemphasise how wrong you are about "no one who can afford private in London sends to state". We live in North London and are surrounded by very wealthy friends, many of whom send their kids to state schools - weather faith schools or grammar schools or outstanding state schools. If we could get into one of them, there is no way I would pay for private. Also, almost everyone I know is going state for sixth form if not sooner.

Sure. The gap will still exist.

Again, what gap? Attainment? Opportunities? Cultural?

Pretty sure that’s in Hertfordshire?

the gap between the OP and her friends.

and generally between kids in private and state schools.

But you won't clarify what the "general" gap between private and state school kids actually are? Specifically.
Plus imagining there'll be a schism between a group of friends based on where their children go to school is really quite nonsensical.
You're determined to set yourself on a little pedestal, aren't you? It's quite fascinating. And a little sad.

You’re still making assumptions about my
families circumstances. It’s amusing.

Theres a gap existing because she has a boy. It’s not a huge stretch to think if that can cause a gap state versus private will as well.

I don’t need to specify what the gaps are, there are many, and they will vary based on the specifics of each family. But on a very basic level the friendship groups of the children, the types of parties, the cost of
life in general. It’s endless. It’s quite weird that you think wealth doesn’t impact relationships.

But like I said, I have friends in both groups (and children in both groups too!).
Friendship groups are mixed, the parties are not radically different in the private set (you are fixated on the notion that people not paying for private education are living in grinding poverty).
It really isn't the social signifier you're so desperate for.

If all they can talk about is ballet classes and outfits for 4 year olds you might be better finding less boring friends.

And I know nothing about your family's circumstances, how could I?
Is it relevant? Are you considerably richer than those around you? Or considerably poorer?
I can see how the latter might give you a chip on your shoulder.

You realise this says more about your circumstances and privilege right?

Yet you continue to make assumptions and digs. That are completely irrelevant. My circumstances have nothing to do with anything.

I'm not making any assumptions 😵‍💫
Your circumstances are indeed irrelevant. You brought it up, not me.

Does it? My children mix with families from all walks of life.