Feeling left out because I don't have a girl

[elive]

I have two lovely sons, DS1 is 5 and DS2 is 3. I have 5 very close friends, every single one of them has a DD who is about 4 (all in the same school year everything), this wasn't planned obviously, 3 of them are born within 4 months of one and other, the others a little later. Most of them have other kids too, one has a 2 year old boy, another a 6 year old boy, so I can bond with them over that.
Right now all their girls are due to start their first year of proper school, they are all bonding over that, buying their cute uniforms etc. Last year my son started and I didn't really have anyone to share it with.
The girls all do ballet together on a Saturday morning, the school they do ballet at has a cafe so they all sit and have a cuppa together, neither of my boys want to do ballet, even if they did it is done on school years, so I'd be there at a different time.
When they were babies, it was much much less noticeable my son and the 5 girls were born within 18 months of each other, the baby stage and even toddlers was great.
Now the group chat is all buying the right ballet clothes, sharing cute outfit ideas etc. I just have nothing to contribute.

AIBU feeling left out? I don't really have other friends.

Bless you. Your desperation to believe you've managed to get your children ahead of the hoi polloi is telegraphed from every post you make. It can only come from a place of very low self esteem.
Fine. I'll leave you to your delusions. I hope it all works out for you, genuinely.

Ah so now your point is about the gap between private and state rather than what we were referring to from your daft misunderstanding and then refusal to believe that anyone sending their child to state could afford private

Really? One comment about widening gap and these are the assumptions you have made? You’ve reported to personal insults? One of you is actually so desperate to prove me wrong that you have looked at previous posts. The fact any by of you think there isn’t a gap between those educated in state versus private is bemusing at best.

Assuming anything about a person for stating a well established fact says it all really.

I get a feeling that even if you had a 4 year old girl you would still feel a disconnect because they wouldn't be the 'right sort' of 4 year old girl. And if your DS's were also at a prep school it wouldn't be quite the right sort of prep school.

You are feeling isolated from these women, your colleagues and parents at your kids clubs and are looking for reasons for these feelings and clinging to obvious differences when really it's coming from within. You say you are introverted which can (not always but sometimes) make it hard to form bonds with people.

you have been through a massive life change in the last 5 years going from no kids to mother of 2. Don't underestimate what a huge transition that is. It can't help but change the dynamics of relationships including those with friends.

It's helpful to remember that 'friends come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime'. Think about what the reason for this friendship group is for you - perhaps they are friends with whom you talk about anything but your children?

You haven't found your 'mum friend tribe' yet but they are probably out there, maybe waiting at the school gates. Be open and they will find you.

Sigh. Those who choose state will see a widening gap, it will be less speedy and obvious than for those who can’t afford but it will happen.

@HarrietJet good to see we’ve moved on from the resident guest pass silliness. 😉

You have totally changed your point @JenWillsiam from disbelieving that anyone who could afford to send private would send to state. To now pulling out your soapbox about widening gaps 😂

You could just as easily have a DD who didn't want to do ballet or DS who did. Your DS may share another interest with one or more of the DDs. If you're into children's clothes, it's not only ones targeted to girls that can be discussed as 'cute'. I think you're focusing too much on gender stereotypes here and are probably creating a self fulfilling prophecy.

swings and roundabouts op. You were friends long before kids and they are not deliberately leaving you out. I am sure there are different things you have in common with them all individually - surely you dont just talk about your kids all the time? Ballet won’t last forever. Widen your circle - they’re doing ballet and that’s fine. Is there something your kids are interested in doing? DS started tennis and I got really friendly with all the other parents

No I haven’t. Go back and read my first comment. I said the difference between prep and state school is huge. It is. And that the gap will widen. It will.

That was my original point and I stand by it.

There are many many strands to this.

Those who can afford to live near state schools so choose that, those who can afford private who choose that, those who can afford private and house close to state school when then later spot the difference. Or those who can afford private but choose to have that gap. All variants but my original point, the one I made at the start, stands. There are multiple people comment, some who have missed the point, others who’ve gone digging through old posts and missed the point, and those who’ve gone personal, which make it hard to follow and engage.

But. My original point stands.

Yes you have 🤷‍♀️

How does this "gap" actually manifest itself, @JenWillsiam ? Attainment gap? I know a state educated boy who has recently been awarded an Oxford first. Do you think he suffered from any gap?

Conversely, I know privately educated children who bombed their GCSE's. You could call that a gap, certainly.

We never had class drinks or anything at all the time my kids were at school, and my youngest has just finished her exams, so that was a lot of years!

all that said - I disagree re some of the best state schools in London. If you look at the outcomes they’re not comparable. No one who can afford private is sending their kid to state school, doorstep or not.

What, not one? So you know the school choices of every wealthy family in London? Actually, loads of wealthy families send their kids to state schools for KS1, which is the age range relevant to OP’s question.

My original point was there will be a gap. How have I changed my position?

There’s always one who thinks I know someone is evidence.

KS1 😂😂

So give us the evidence? .

What are you laughing at?

You want evidence that academic outcomes for privately educated children exceed that of state?

Sure.

https://www.shoutoutuk.org/2021/11/25/state-vs-private-schools-whats-behind-the-growing-grade-gap/

They would be the

They would be the parents who are all “I can afford a house near a great state school so kid can go there. Oh crap state schools aren't as good. I can afford the private so that’s where kid is going”.

I find it quite weird that anyone is arguing there isn’t a gap between state and private. This is known. Well known. So far there are a number of you arguing with me whilst repeatedly actually proving my point.

I'm laughing at the fact when people don't have anything else to back what they are commenting they then use grammar or spelling 😂

You know many (if not all) private schools massage their outcomes by actively managing out low performing pupils, don't you? Better you know this now, rather than comfortably imagine being able to afford private education means you've got it sorted.
Maybe your road ahead will be smooth, but there are no guarantees.