Feeling left out because I don't have a girl

[elive]

I have two lovely sons, DS1 is 5 and DS2 is 3. I have 5 very close friends, every single one of them has a DD who is about 4 (all in the same school year everything), this wasn't planned obviously, 3 of them are born within 4 months of one and other, the others a little later. Most of them have other kids too, one has a 2 year old boy, another a 6 year old boy, so I can bond with them over that.
Right now all their girls are due to start their first year of proper school, they are all bonding over that, buying their cute uniforms etc. Last year my son started and I didn't really have anyone to share it with.
The girls all do ballet together on a Saturday morning, the school they do ballet at has a cafe so they all sit and have a cuppa together, neither of my boys want to do ballet, even if they did it is done on school years, so I'd be there at a different time.
When they were babies, it was much much less noticeable my son and the 5 girls were born within 18 months of each other, the baby stage and even toddlers was great.
Now the group chat is all buying the right ballet clothes, sharing cute outfit ideas etc. I just have nothing to contribute.

AIBU feeling left out? I don't really have other friends.

Nonsense 😂

There aren’t loads of kids in London without school places.

Head wall.

PP said some of the best schools in the country in London
you said why doesn’t PP send her child to one
I said that they are invariably ones that you have to live on the doorstep to

and you have struggled to understand that clearly

I think it is amplified right now with it being holidays and the "What colour leotard is it again" "Where's everyone getting school shoes from" chats being the most common.

You’re right about that. Their DDs are starting school for the first time which is exciting for them. You’ve already done it a year ago, so it’s old hat - not just because you have a boy. Also the prep school uniforms! Whereas a polo shirt and sweatshirt, or no uniform at all, don’t really give much scope for conversation.

Give it a few months and it might all calm down. Though I suppose it could get worse as they get more involved with school life!

Exactly!!!

If I could get my daughter into one I would without hesitation and many of my MUCH wealthier friends send their kids to London state schools. I'm just not wealthy enough to live near a good one.

You're reaching the stage where the big bond of having similar aged children starts to weaken. At the moment you feel adrift because they still have the "same sex, starting school at same time" bond, but that too will lessen as they branch out with new friends and interests. Maybe you could kick start the change by suggesting an evening meet up without the kids?

Some of us invested in just that, Jen 😁. Proximity to good schools doesn't come cheap. But as a Londoner, you presumably know this?

No I didn’t. I said if you can afford it in London you send your kid to private school. Which you do. Because the options are afford to live on the door of state school or private school. Which is basically the same thing.

all that said - I disagree re some of the best state schools in London. If you look at the outcomes they’re not comparable. No one who can afford private is sending their kid to state school, doorstep or not.

If you aren’t on the doorstep it’s because you basically cannot afford it.

Obviously. But all of this boils down to the same thing doesn’t it. 🤦🏼‍♀️

No, it’s often because no houses are for sale on the doorstep because the catchment area is so tiny

No one who can afford private is sending their kid to state school, doorstep or not

I could afford private but superb state primary. So send to state primary.

Then private secondary because state option wasn’t good

Again, not true. Think about that logically. If no one moved the catchment would get bigger as the kids grew up and left the school. In order for the catchment to be tiny there have to be a large number of the right aged children living within that catchment.

London?

Yes, Maida Vale

Because boys never fall out or bully each other. Suuure.

Well, several people have told you you're wrong, but whatever...
Personally I live on the doorstep and happened to choose private for one child, but not the others (no favouritism involved, btw!)
You have a curious bee in your bonnet about this; why?

Definite issues going on there. No one secure in their choices cares so much what other people are doing.

@JenWillsiam

you also said on another thread that to her guest parking permits in London you didn’t need to prove residency. When you do, as the poster outlined in detail to you

YANBU but you will meet other parents if you take your boys to activities they are interested in.

You can still arrange trips with them in the holidays. we used to go to farms with other families, or museums. Or a special trip to a great ice cream place, and a good playground. You have a group chat, so use it to arrange one of these.

As their girls grow up, most of them will stop ballet as they are not interested, or go to a new class nearer their school, or because there is something else they want to do. So don't worry about that.

Do you live in London at all, @JenWillsiam ?

So here’s the thing.

the point is if one family can afford and the other cannot the social gap will widen. Ever heard of keeping up with the Jones? All these responses of it will be fine I can afford private and didn’t send my kids are completely missing the point. 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

I totally understand OP. In my friendship group of 4, I'm the only one that doesn't have a daughter.
Our children are in their 20s now.
I have found it hard at times navigating the hobbies, the proms, the girls days out. I anticipate feeling a bit left out when it comes to weddings and grand children.

No that’s not what I said - to purchase then you do. To use them you do not. Because their guess passes. What is the point of a guess pass if they have to live in London? 😂😂

See comment above. That isn’t what I said.

I have a bee in my bonnet? Hilarious. I made a comment that the gap will widen. It will. It’s inevitable. Everyone knows this. And a bunch of you have taken offence.

You can only buy guest passes as a resident. They're, btw.

I know that. But you can’t only use them if you’re a resident which was the point I was making. Again, what’s the point of a guest pass if you can only use it as a resident? That’s hardly a guest pass. I think it’s more commonly known as a residents pass.

Perhaps focus on your reading comprehension rather than correcting typos on something written in haste?