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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Incident in park- feel disgusting

204 replies

NutmegOrCinnamon · 20/07/2023 12:05

feel a bit stupid even being upset by this but I am. Long term poster btw but I’ve NC for this.

Earlier this week I was walking my dog through a local public park. The park consists of a huge area of woods but also more public/busy areas like the kids play park etc. I was walking my dog through the first bit to get into the park which is basically a big giant grassy field and there were lots of dogs playing off the lead. 2 dogs came running up to her and wouldn’t leave her alone. There was a big group of neddy guys I’d guess aged 30-40 sitting on the grass drinking around 30 feet from me. 2 of them came running over to collect their dogs and apologise to me for their dogs being annoying, I was like no worries etc. one of them then turned round and started saying can I get your number ? Do you walk round these woods yourself and fancy a walking partner ? And his pal burst out laughing at it. I just completely ignored him and walked on with my dog. But as I walked past the big group of guys (I had to to get into the park/woods) they all started shouting stuff at me, it was clear they were all drunk and trying to one up each other with the worst thing they could say but it felt absolutely horrible to listen to. It started with oi can my friend get your number? Where do you live hunny? Then quickly became things like shouting comments about my body, and asking obscene questions like how many fingers can you fit in? Have you ever tried an*l?? Want to come to my house and we’ll all have great fun?? Each comment got a fit of laughs from the others. I also heard them taking loudly to each other about me - for example, one of them was like if we tied her up we could all take it in turns. And again they all roared with laughter at this

usually I’d be quick enough to shout back at them to fuck off but for some reason I didn’t, I just completely froze and choked up and couldn’t say anything. It was like I was in a trance, I could hear them but I remember thinking I’m just walking my dog and ignoring them, keep walking, keep walking etc. one of their dogs then ran up to my dog again and one of the guys ran up to bring it back and again started trying to get my Snapchat and started saying things about my body, I wasn’t really listening because honestly it was as if my dog and I were in a trance and we kept walking and which seemed to annoy him more and eventually he left.

eventually they left me alone. I went into the park and took the first side exit out because I wanted to go home. There were other people walking about but only 2 people walked past me and the guys and they just kept walking. I know they were just neds and it was them just being drunk idiots and trying to be funny to each other but I felt so disgusting and embarrassed. I was just out walking my dog at 3 in the afternoon in a busy public place at 24 years old.

sorry for the rant, I don’t know why this has upset me so much because nothing actually happened but I feel horrible about it and don’t want to go back to the park, even though they probably won’t be there again. I’m also so annoyed at myself for not standing up for myself and telling them to fuck off but it was so weird, I honestly felt like I was hypnotised just to keep walking and ignore them

Has anyone got any advice on how I can get over it and stop feeling so rubbish about it all? Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Sigmama · 20/07/2023 12:09

That's awful op, could you report it to the police?

CaptainMyCaptain · 20/07/2023 12:09

I would report this kind of harassment to the police.

Comedycook · 20/07/2023 12:09

Poor you....it's so disgusting and intimidating.

AncientBallerina · 20/07/2023 12:10

Sounds like a really horrible experience. Ignoring them was definitely the right thing to do. A big group of men with dogs vs one woman and her dog? You needed to get away asap without provoking them which you did. Well done for keeping your nerve. Whether they were ‘joking’ or not they threatened to gang rape you. It just awful. I would report to the police.

MoonsHaunted · 20/07/2023 12:10

I second logging with the police.

That sounds really horrible and they were basically threatening to assault/rape you. I don’t blame you for being fucking terrified.

💐

TomatoSandwiches · 20/07/2023 12:13

I am so sorry you had to experience that, your reaction is quite normal, you were in survival mode ( quite rightly ) because your brain knew you wouldn't have been able to fight them all off so please don't blame yourself or feel bad because you didn't outwardly stick up for yourself, you got away and you are safe.

Men like this are foul, they are a mix of ones that are just drunk and following along, would never do such a thing infront of their own mothers and unfortunately the second lot get off on being crude and frightening lone women.
You don't know who's who though which is the problem.

Is there somewhere else you can walk your dog for a while or perhaps meet up with someone else until you feel more confident?

VeridicalVagabond · 20/07/2023 12:14

That's absolutely vile behaviour, you poor thing. They're not "just needs" they're disgusting excuses for human beings and sexual harassers. I bet their mums would be so proud of them!

Sorry this happened to you OP, men can be truly repulsive sometimes. It's completely normal to feel the way you do, but don't minimise it by saying "nothing happened". You were sexually harassed. They spoke about gang raping you. That's not nothing, and not be taken lightly at all. I'd say report it to the police but they'll do fuck all about it and probably wouldn't have done much at the time either. This kind of behaviour is excuses in men as just "lads being lads" all too often. I personally think they should be castrated like we would a badly behaved male dog.

Be kind to yourself. You've done absolutely nothing wrong, all you did was exist as a woman.

Purplemoons · 20/07/2023 12:14

Of course you’re upset, anyone would be. Awful awful people. I’m sorry that happened. Do log it with the police.

MollyRover · 20/07/2023 12:14

You are in no way at fault and absolutely did the right thing. The next right thing is to report to the police. Their behaviour is in no way acceptable and shouldn't be tolerated.

FloofCloud · 20/07/2023 12:18

This would upset anyone! I'd also log it with the police non emergency team, you never know if they've done it before or since, at least they'll have a complaint lodged if it happens to someone else, or god Forbid they do something worse.

Circumferences · 20/07/2023 12:18

That's horrendous.
I'm not surprised you're upset and shaken.

I get completely hacked of by the occasional "smile darling" comments let alone anything of the scale you've endured.

Don't minimise it, that's completely unacceptable behaviour from those abusive men.

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 20/07/2023 12:18

I put YABU but only to yourself. Jesus they were talking about kidnapping and gang raping you - albeit you say in a joking manner but that is usually how these things happen, one starts with a banter then a serious then a serious conversation.

I would have been petrified, I am not sure if the police can do anything now but worth reporting in case any future incidents. xx

Nanny0gg · 20/07/2023 12:18

I'm assuming the 8% pressed the wrong button?

Report to the police OP. That was horrific

Mumteedum · 20/07/2023 12:19

You should absolutely report this. Women should not have to put up with this and do the mental work to reassure themselves that these guys were just joking and not really a threat ... They are disgraceful and should be shamed and ashamed. Hope the police take it seriously too. Fucking hell. I'm so angry for you.

superplumb · 20/07/2023 12:20

This is an offence of public order and you are well entitled to report it. There will soon be a sexual harassment bill passed ( currently in house of lords) made specifically to stop this
Those twats sound disgusting. I'd have said something about how would their mum sister daughter feel etc but I know it's intimidating when you are out numbered.

Highlyflavouredgravy · 20/07/2023 12:20

I think this should ge reported to the police

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 20/07/2023 12:21

That's awful OP. You did exactly the right thing. Shouting back at them or reacting in any way at all would have risked them escalating. Your instinct took over and got you the hell out of there. It was absolutely the best thing to do. And I would have gone straight home too!

I would report to the police, they sound terrifying.

I think the fear was because there was absolutely nothing stopping them if they'd decided to do what they were shouting about. Some bloke on a scaffold wolf whistling is a creep, but he can't actually get to you. Some gross bloke in a club or a bar is surrounded by other people, there's safety in numbers.

You were alone with a large group of unpredictable drunk men threatening you. Of course you were terrified.

skyfalldown · 20/07/2023 12:22

Bark at them. That's my tactic with cat-callers. Bark really loudly and aggressively like an angry dog. Usually throws them off long enough that you're able to get away.

And report to the police, doubt they'll do anything but worth a shot.

ButterCrackers · 20/07/2023 12:22

Police to report being threatened. These men are a bunch of time wasting losers. They should be out working not drinking and shouting threats and abuse.

Nicknamesforviolet · 20/07/2023 12:23

Please report it - they were intimidating and harassing you. The things they were saying are awful and would be frightening to anyone.

TrueScrumptious · 20/07/2023 12:24

That is really awful. I think you should report to police.

foxlover47 · 20/07/2023 12:24

I wish I could say I would of shouted back but I feel I would of reacted exactly as you did and OP that is what kept you safe! If you had of responded they could of responded worse they already sound like they were egging each other on.
What vile excuses of men.
Please don't be hard on yourself , you kept yourself and your dog safe too , I would absolutely log it with 101 too , at least then they are aware that pricks like that are in the vicinity

HidingFromDD · 20/07/2023 12:25

Absolutely right to not engage. The only thing which may have helped would be to have phoned police at the time on the basis that they were egging each other on to violence / assault. It’s horrendous that groups of men still think this behaviour is acceptable. I would def consider reporting now (and apologies for underline - hit something by accident and can’t undo)

jeaux90 · 20/07/2023 12:26

So sorry OP that's horrific. I would have phoned the police. I hope you are feeling safe now.

RobertsRadio · 20/07/2023 12:26

God, you poor thing. Don't reproach yourself for not "standing up for yourself". Your instincts took over and your mind and body did exactly the right thing to get you safely out of that situation. You kept calm, kept moving and took the first available route back to safety, it's called survival instinct and it worked. It would not have been a good idea to confront a large group of knuckle-dragging drunk Neanderthals.

I think you should report this to the police.

Hope you feel better soon.