To think it's not really possible to get wealthy?

[ilyana]

I live in London and earlier today, I treated myself to a fancy haircut in Belgravia and met a friend for a coffee and a walk around. I saw a whole side of London I don't normally see! I live in a nice enough but definitely not posh part of south London, get the bus everywhere, and shop at Lidl.

We saw a woman coming out of one of the gorgeous townhouses and getting into a chauffeur driven car, and I commented that I'd love to have that lifestyle. My friend told me I could if I really wanted it and worked for it, and that I'm limiting myself. I'm 38 and single and earn £65K at my day job and another £5K or so through a bit of freelance work on the side. I could probably push that up to £10K if I gave up a lot of my free time. I know £70-75K is decent money, but it's hardly a stepping stone to this kind of wealth, is it? If I really pushed myself at work and looked to move to another role elsewhere, I could maybe get to £85K in a year or two, possibly £100K by 42ish, but that's still not huge money in London, is it? Particularly without a partner to share costs.

AIBU to think it's pretty much impossible for me to attain that lifestyle at this point, and that almost everyone who does live like this has inherited wealth, privileges like having gone to top private schools, or married into money? Or maybe done something like bought/inherited property young and got lucky with property prices rising?

It is if you invent something

A successful business could you you that rich quick but it's likely a mix of inheritance and luck

If you get a decent credit card with points and do all your spending on it it's quite easy to fly business class

I agree with the romantic fantasy of
'Love is enough' i used to think like that and I had a baby with a man who was very in love with me but had not a lot going for him apart from this and he left me before baby was born... at least if I'd chosen a wealthy arsehole I would have decent child maintenance coming in now... :-(!!!

Your mistake was relying on him financially. If you're self sufficient then you don't need to view men as meal tickets.

Obv you don't want a waster but if you're not requiring them to support the whole family on their salary there's more room for manoeuvre and prioritise other attributes.

That's just how I see it.

@NoNonsensePotato not sure where you got that from? I meant I was with and had a baby with a guy with no money for love. Because I could support myself financially and thought the guys love was enough. But seeing as it didn't work out and I have no love or support from him either now, I'm saying that I should/could have gone for someone wealthier - more CM would be a very 'nice to have' now I'm in the situation that my user name describes, but I'm not reliant on it

Exactly! Options are the most important thing in life. The surface-level stuff isn't the point. The point is that money makes it easier to leave a bad relationship, makes it easier to afford private healthcare, makes it easier to do pretty much anything, including helping others and giving money to good causes. There's nothing shallow or superficial about that.

I totally agree about ending up on the same level as the people you associate with. It's so very, very true. I spent years being dragged down by an ex with no ambition who tried to convince me I could and should never try to do better than sharing a room with him in a flatshare. I got to know a lawyer in London through a friend of mine and he convinced me I deserved so much better and that I had as much right as anyone to aspire to a nice life. It was the first time anyone had ever told me that, and it changed my outlook completely.

I definitely would like to create a group - any idea how to do it? A mega thread of some sort, or petitioning for a sub forum?

I think their point was that it would have been better still to have your own wealth, so that you'd be financially stable regardless of whether a man chose to stick around or not or pay CM or not. This is another important factor people overlook when they play the "money isn't everything" card. There's pretty much no situation that's made worse by having more money.

And it’s also people who grew up in a prosperous country like UK with good healthcare free at the point of use (at least a country that used to be prosperous and had an NHS) who say that

easy to say “money isn’t everything” when you don’t face being destitute if someone in your family has cancer, pensions and life insurance pretty much don’t exist (or are completely unaffordable) so that children have to financially support their older relatives for the rest of their lives, and if you don’t have money you are unlikely to get justice in court etc.

i come from underdeveloped country so I really roll my eyes at “money isn’t everything” comments when I think about that. It is less important in some countries but its a very naive view

Yes, it's ironically a very privileged attitude to have, because either you're wealthy enough that not having money has never caused any serious stress or you have a safety net!

Money is everything when you don't have any. Being poor is absolutely miserable, stressful and terrible for your health. My dream is to have multiple income streams and investments and ultimately not to be constrained by a lack of money.

Can you imagine this type of comment on a male forum in response to a man saying he wanted to figure out how to become more wealthy?

😆🙄

You mention privellaged alot to women who don't have any privellage at all. You seek privileged though just like You seem ungrateful with what you have and want more and more because you think it will bring you happiness. What if you do have more and you still aren't happy, then what will you do? Take the beckhams as an example, super rich but victoria doesn't eat right and wants to stay thin, is that happy?
The kardashians all rich but modding their bodies to disfigurement, is that happy?
Beyonces man has cheated on her, do you think she is happy?
It's ok they have money they are happy in your view.
They can each buy 20 houses in belgravia, have security and chauffeurs but deep down they arent happy, how can they possibly be?

This is a ridiculous comment from top to bottom.
do you person know them to comment whether they are happy or not? You have no idea about how these people actually live or feel, you only have a media portrayal to go on.
second, are you saying that all people without money are happy, healthy, have wonderful relationships, no eating disorders or any other mental health issues? Yeah right.

but bottom line is that LW made clear what kind of level of money she wants and how precisely it will make her life and her MH better. And being able to take an Uber whenever needed, travel to see loved ones when you want, or just travel etc is actually massively helpful, makes life easier and happier I can certainly tell you that.

💯💯

"You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with..." so the saying goes -

Ding ding ding! Exactly!

Its so embarrassing and utterly cringeworthy that this is so often the standard response to a woman wanting to better her life. Nobody would bat an eye at a man wanting to become wealthy, but we women need to know our place, eh?

@ilyana @PerfectYear321 @Secretboringsister yes we should do this thread

I'm up for this. Any ideas where?

@PerfectYear321 maybe chat ? Or money ? 😊😁

I think it's so super hard, mainly due to COL crisis and housing crisis. When I was 30 I was earning £30k and had just managed to save up enough to buy a 1 bed in a fairly crappy area of N London. It cost £112k and I was worried about buying at the top of the market.

When I met my OH and we moved in together I sold it, and made £70k on it - in just over 4 years. I had renovated the whole place, but it was still in a horrible area.

Now it is worth c £350k. The person doing the job I was doing at the time is maybe earning £40k if they're lucky. There is no way they could afford that flat. That is in under 20 years.

I can't see how our kids will ever be able to afford to buy, or even to rent.

I think some people can't deal with essentially having no ambition and no courage, so they project and lash out at anyone who actually dares to hope for better. Crabs in a bucket mentality.

It's always the same old logic fail, isn't it? So-and-so can't be happy because her husband cheated, as if poor women don't get cheated on - only they can't leave because they can't afford to, or they have to live in poverty and misery! Victoria Beckham can't be happy because she wants to stay thin, as if being poor would solve all of her self-esteem issues! The Kardashians are all modding their bodies, as if that's a requirement of being rich that I somehow wasn't aware of!

I've literally laid out exactly how more money will improve my life in very specific, measurable ways (SMART goals and all that) - being able to travel to see loved ones more often and more comfortably, being able to afford help with my disabilities, being able to walk around my area more safely, being able to order in healthy, nutritious food, not having to use public transport. Stuff that would all seriously improve my quality of life. I haven't once mentioned cosmetic procedures or anything overly flashy, and people are still going with this nonsense.

The mental gymnastics have given me a good laugh, that's for sure.

Money seems like a good place? More likely to have serious-minded people interested in bettering themselves and not hateful, jealous, crabs in a bucket types?

You were so very lucky! I paid just under £350K for my one-bed flat because I simply couldn't take renting anymore. It was bad enough being very ill, without the stress of evictions, inspections and other nonsense hanging over me.

It seems crazy that I'm earning nearly double the London average, and it's taken me until my late thirties to afford a one-bed flat in a not-great area!

Definitely Money!

OP you’re saying you’d love to have a lifestyle you know nothing about. You sound like you’re in a great position career wise and own a flat, why do you want more?

I’d focus on less materialistic items and find the joy in the smaller things like a nice haircut and coffee with a friend. Once your basic needs are covered safety, shelter, food etc.. extra £££ don’t bring joy and happiness. Meaningful relationships, purpose, good health etc… should be the things you strive for

We're definitely on the same wavelength. I used the term 'crabs in a bucket' on another thread yesterday 😂