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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That's my bench - was aibu

295 replies

Blueysmumagain · 17/07/2023 06:17

Genuinely couldn't get over this yesterday. Appreciate its a tiny thing

Husband and I at busy park with 5 yo

Plenty of benches free. One 4 person bench with a pram next to it but no one sitting on it. No bags or coats on bench etc. An empty bench

Husband and I sit at one end. Still space for 2 other people

Woman comes over, picks up pram, and says - in the most passive aggressive tone - "that was my bench actually. But don't you worry about it. I suppose you expect me to move now. Unbelievable

I said "I am very sorry - there is plenty of space, we assumed it was okay"

She walked off to 2 benches down and for the next ten minutes proceeded to tell her friend, when she came over, just how unreasonable we were

Was ibu? Is this a new rule I have missed? Could not believe the looks she kept giving us
.

OP posts:
FFSwhatisthis · 17/07/2023 08:43

PinkIcedCream · 17/07/2023 08:00

Pram woman was a mardy arse.

Presumably you sat on the bench that was nearest to the equipment that your child was playing on? Entirely normal and acceptable.

I’m not sure how the other posters haven’t figured this out for themselves?

@PinkIcedCream

obviously because of your superior intellect, you 'pick up' on things us thickos don't.

or you make up things to suit your narrative.

hmmm

DrManhattan · 17/07/2023 08:45

Pram lady was probably miffed.

No idea why OP would sit there when there are free benches. OP can you enlighten us?

Alwayswonderedwhy · 17/07/2023 08:54

Yanbu. Loads of people leave their prams while they go and play with the kids. She could've been gone ages, how were you supposed to know the pram was reserving the bench!

Mikimoto · 17/07/2023 08:56

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SlashBeef · 17/07/2023 08:57

She was rude but why sit on the bench with a pram next to it rather than all of the free ones??

liveforsummer · 17/07/2023 08:59

Get a grip, it's a bench for 4/5 people, not just for 1 person with a pram. The entitlement is shocking.

There was 4/5 of them though. Pram woman, her friend presumably a minimum of 2 dc - as I said in my earlier post you'd have no idea how many people were with the pram. Pp's have said they would assume the pram person was using it but OP did (which is why she mentioned there still being room) so that's not an excuse here.

HeidiUpTheMountain · 17/07/2023 09:00

I suspect OP is a person who likes Making A Point, and that’s what made her behave as she did.

ClairDeLaLune · 17/07/2023 09:00

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Please don’t use the misogynistic term Karen.

Prinnny · 17/07/2023 09:00

Why would you chose to share a bench when there’s others free? I would have taken a pram being there as someone was using it and chose one of the other free ones.

Terloz · 17/07/2023 09:01

FrangipaniBlue · Today 08:34
I don't think this thread a going the way OP expected which tells me they are not an MN regular...... I knew what the overwhelming responses would be as soon as I read the OP

Not sure that is the case… currently voting stands at 62% NOT unreasonable

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/07/2023 09:02

HeidiUpTheMountain · 17/07/2023 09:00

I suspect OP is a person who likes Making A Point, and that’s what made her behave as she did.

Yes I wondered this.

Why would you choose the one bench that had a pram next to it (so someone obviously coming back) over the completely empty benches?

Other than to say “you can’t reserve a bench with a pram” to make a point?

justaweenamechange · 17/07/2023 09:02

Don't know why you would pick the bench with the pram next to it.

She overreacted of course, but sometimes with kids you just need one thing to go your way, like you've picked a bench for some indiscernible reason like it's the right distance away from the gate, or not near a Holly bush your child likes to poke or a flower they like to rip the head off. She was probably just having a bad day.

Instawars · 17/07/2023 09:09

It’s posts like this that makes me think mumsnet needs three voting options YABU; YANBU; and YABBU (you are both being unreasonable)

her reaction was ott and nasty, but if there were lots of benches why wouldn’t you pick an empty one. Surely a buggy next to a bench is evidence that someone is likely using it? After all buggy owner is hardly likely to sit in that!

diddl · 17/07/2023 09:10

Can't see what was wrong with what you did Op.

I would have used it-probably with the intention of moving when "pramlady" returned.

I often also just sit in the nearest seat when I get on a train as I just want to get sat down.

Thegoodbadandugly · 17/07/2023 09:11

ladyvimes · 17/07/2023 08:30

But the OP said there was still plenty of room in the bench for the woman to sit. You cannot ‘claim’ a public bench!

OP you did nothing wrong. Entitlement is rife nowadays!

Show quote history

There were plenty of other Bench's free so why would op sit at that particular one?

SnotRag81 · 17/07/2023 09:13

diddl · 17/07/2023 09:10

Can't see what was wrong with what you did Op.

I would have used it-probably with the intention of moving when "pramlady" returned.

I often also just sit in the nearest seat when I get on a train as I just want to get sat down.

Even if that is next to someone when there are other empty seats?

Terloz · 17/07/2023 09:13

*GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · Today 09:02
HeidiUpTheMountain · Today 09:00

I suspect OP is a person who likes Making A Point, and that’s what made her behave as she did.
Yes I wondered this.*

these are assumptions. people in a park often sit on a bench for a few minutes near the area kiddo is playing in and move around a bit. that could be the reason OP sat here? And if it was the sort of park for picnicking or a longer stay where pram lady needed 4 spots, why didn’t she use her words and simply say something like ‘oh, I was sitting there because my 3 kids and I were going to have a snack/drink/picnic’ then OP could have said ‘oh ok, we’ll stand/choose another spot etc’. So much drama.

In a similar vein, did anyone see the influencer filming a video vs man sitting on ‘her’ bench? Assuming it wasn’t faked.

Moveoverdarlin · 17/07/2023 09:13

Free benches but you sat next to one with the pram? That does seem a bit strange. Prams cost hundreds of pounds, it wasn’t like it was a jumper someone forgot to come back for. I wouldn’t have been rude though, I would have just moved to another bench and said ‘oh it’s fine don’t worry’. She was obviously meeting a friend and didn’t want to sit next to a random couple.

5foot5 · 17/07/2023 09:14

Isthisexpected · 17/07/2023 08:32

Come back soon and update OP or you'll return to 20 pages of why did you choose the bench with the pram...?

If she does come back it will probably be with some MASSIVE drop feed as to why they had to have that particular bench.

LanaDeIRabies · 17/07/2023 09:14

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Can we stop it with this misogynist nonsense please?

5foot5 · 17/07/2023 09:15

*drip not drop, bloody autocorrect

Emmacb82 · 17/07/2023 09:15

Whilst I don’t particularly think you did anything wrong, I’m not sure why you would choose a bench that clearly has someone using it over a completely empty one? I would completely understand if it was the only seat available but it doesn’t sound like this was the case. I can also understand why the other woman was a bit put out, of course you can’t save a bench with a pram but given there were other free ones it seems a bit of an odd decision to sit yourself on that one 🤷🏼‍♀️

LanaDeIRabies · 17/07/2023 09:16

You were fine OP, totally not BU.

What is unreasonable however are those who come and sit next to me on a park bench while I'm having my lunch and light up a cigarette. Especially when the wind is blowing in my direction. Especially when there are lots of other benches in the park free but no, come and sit next to someone having a sandwich with your stinky fag. At least twice a flipping week. Ugh.

ARRGHHHHHxxxxx · 17/07/2023 09:20

I've put YABU as there was other benches free.

If there was no other benches free I can see your point. But I'm with the other woman on this occasion. Yes it's a public bench and she doesn't own it, but given there was other benches free YABU.

BatheInTheLight · 17/07/2023 09:23

I would have said something like "you could have been far more polite just then, incredibly rude, but just to point out, it's not YOUR bench, unless there's a "reserve a bench by parking a buggy next to it" system in place which I have missed? And I don't EXPECT anything, you can either take the buggy which unlike the bench, IS YOURS or you could have sat at the other end of this one bench if this bench is so important to you, although after being so rude, that'd probably be pretty awkward."