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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That's my bench - was aibu

295 replies

Blueysmumagain · 17/07/2023 06:17

Genuinely couldn't get over this yesterday. Appreciate its a tiny thing

Husband and I at busy park with 5 yo

Plenty of benches free. One 4 person bench with a pram next to it but no one sitting on it. No bags or coats on bench etc. An empty bench

Husband and I sit at one end. Still space for 2 other people

Woman comes over, picks up pram, and says - in the most passive aggressive tone - "that was my bench actually. But don't you worry about it. I suppose you expect me to move now. Unbelievable

I said "I am very sorry - there is plenty of space, we assumed it was okay"

She walked off to 2 benches down and for the next ten minutes proceeded to tell her friend, when she came over, just how unreasonable we were

Was ibu? Is this a new rule I have missed? Could not believe the looks she kept giving us
.

OP posts:
donutosaurus · 17/07/2023 08:18

I also agree that yabu - the pram was obviously there in lieu of a coat and you said yourself that there were plenty of free benches. It's really odd behaviour to make this comment and then actually behave in the way you have.

Thegoodbadandugly · 17/07/2023 08:20

There were plenty of benches free but you chose to go to the one you knew someone had left there stuff at, it was obvious she had been sat there, why would you do that?

VisitationRights · 17/07/2023 08:21

I would think it was extremely weird that you chose the one bench with a pram parked next to it but I wouldn’t have said anything to you or given your dirty looks. You were both unreasonable.

JenniferBarkley · 17/07/2023 08:21

Completely agree that a pram beside a bench is the same as a jacket on it - fine to sit there if it's the only option, but not to sit there when there were other free benches.

Adhdaaaah · 17/07/2023 08:21

She’s the unreasonable one, but if it were me, I’d have chosen one of the benches with no pram next to it if there were lots of free ones.

But you did nothing wrong. She’s probably stressed about something else and was taking it out on you. Not fair of her.

Terloz · 17/07/2023 08:22

*Roundtoedshoes · Today 07:59
I would have just presumed it was a convenient place for her to put the buggy on arrival, and then she’d gone off after her child, not that she’d purchased the land and now owned it and the bench! *

this!

a 4 person bench and you were meant to mind read who might have been sitting there previously and who might want to sit there in the future. Add in that people move around in parks to follow kids so her need to sit may have been transitory as might yours (and she could have her 4 seater back!).

reminds me of an incident at an airport where I joined a queue for the loo. At the back of course. Cue a lady literally elbowing me out of the way, glaring and saying ‘that’s my spot, I only went to get something out of my bag!’. As if that wasn’t rude enough the lady in front of her turned round and said, ‘yeah she was standing there’ ??! Like I’m a mind reader!

GeekyThings · 17/07/2023 08:24

YABU - it was weird of you to pick the bench with the pram next to it, anyone with common sense would have picked one of the other ones. Technically what you did wasn't wrong, but it doesn't have to be against the law for it to be unreasonable, and you were unreasonable here.

Babsexxx · 17/07/2023 08:26

Can’t believe some people saying “she wasn’t sat there so it’s tough!” Lol poor woman probably thought result got a good view of kids whilst I’ve got a baby to tend to (clearly has with a pram) il put the pram there to save the bench, go get the kids to comeback to see someone else sat there!

No op yabu here you said yourself that there where plenty of other benches! Odd!

SecretSanta44 · 17/07/2023 08:29

I do think YABU as you are contradicting your own argument about other benches being available for the pram lady to sit at. If this was the case why didnt you sit on a free one?

Emotionalsupportviper · 17/07/2023 08:30

mnitg · 17/07/2023 06:22

If there were plenty of benches free why did you go to the one with a pram?

I'd not have said anything but would have thought it was odd.

This is what I thought.

If I'd seen a pram or other personal item - and if there were plenty of other free benches - I would have sat somewhere else.

However, I wouldn't have said anything.

ladyvimes · 17/07/2023 08:30

Babsexxx · 17/07/2023 08:26

Can’t believe some people saying “she wasn’t sat there so it’s tough!” Lol poor woman probably thought result got a good view of kids whilst I’ve got a baby to tend to (clearly has with a pram) il put the pram there to save the bench, go get the kids to comeback to see someone else sat there!

No op yabu here you said yourself that there where plenty of other benches! Odd!

But the OP said there was still plenty of room in the bench for the woman to sit. You cannot ‘claim’ a public bench!

OP you did nothing wrong. Entitlement is rife nowadays!

SophieJo · 17/07/2023 08:30

If there were plenty of other benches free, I just don’t get why you had to choose the one with a pram next to it. YABU.

DinnaeFashYersel · 17/07/2023 08:31

There were plenty of benches.

You could have chosen one that didn't have a pram parked beside it.

Isthisexpected · 17/07/2023 08:32

Come back soon and update OP or you'll return to 20 pages of why did you choose the bench with the pram...?

ChopperC110P · 17/07/2023 08:32

VictoriaVenkman · 17/07/2023 07:04

Why pick the bench with the pram next to it when there were others completely free?

^This
I rather think YABU here.

senua · 17/07/2023 08:32

This is a bot, isn't it.

readbooksdrinktea · 17/07/2023 08:33

YABU picking the bench with the pram next to it when there were others free. I'd have thought it odd but probably not said anything.

FlowersInTheSky · 17/07/2023 08:34

Brunilde · 17/07/2023 06:23

Yeah she was rude but obviously the pram meant someone was using it so why didn't you pick one of the empty ones? I can't stand it when people encroach on my space unnecessarily. If the other benches were full I'd understand but why pick the one someone was obviously going to sit on.

This.

Peacoffee · 17/07/2023 08:34

@ladyvimes OP you did nothing wrong. Entitlement is rife nowadays!

The entitlement is sitting on a bench that you know someone is in the middle of using.

NewDayNewDiary · 17/07/2023 08:34

78Summer · 17/07/2023 06:46

Pubic park - public bench. Having said that when I am on an empty train and someone sits right next to me I usually move but I would not comment on it. She obviously had had a bad day.

‘She obviously had had a bad day.’

People often come out with this kind of comment. How on earth do you know she had a bad day and isn’t always grumpy?

FrangipaniBlue · 17/07/2023 08:34

I don't think this thread a going the way OP expected which tells me they are not an MN regular...... I knew what the overwhelming responses would be as soon as I read the OP 😂

AngelAurora · 17/07/2023 08:36

Brunilde · 17/07/2023 06:23

Yeah she was rude but obviously the pram meant someone was using it so why didn't you pick one of the empty ones? I can't stand it when people encroach on my space unnecessarily. If the other benches were full I'd understand but why pick the one someone was obviously going to sit on.

Get a grip, it's a bench for 4/5 people, not just for 1 person with a pram. The entitlement is shocking.🙄

pristinequeen · 17/07/2023 08:36

She didn't need to react like that but why would you choose that one if others were free. It's like when someone sits next to you in an empty restaurant

User9753224 · 17/07/2023 08:38

DrSbaitso · 17/07/2023 08:07

With nothing on the bench itself, I'd have assumed the pram was just there to be tucked out of the way. Wouldn't have occurred to me that it was bagsying the whole bench.

This

noglow · 17/07/2023 08:38

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/07/2023 06:30

When I'm on a bus and there are plenty of spare seats, it's weird when someone sits next to me. If it's crowded, it's not weird.

You were a bit weird.

Any reason you chose that one?

Yeah it's really odd of you to do that OP

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