That's my bench - was aibu

[Blueysmumagain]

Genuinely couldn't get over this yesterday. Appreciate its a tiny thing

Husband and I at busy park with 5 yo

Plenty of benches free. One 4 person bench with a pram next to it but no one sitting on it. No bags or coats on bench etc. An empty bench

Husband and I sit at one end. Still space for 2 other people

Woman comes over, picks up pram, and says - in the most passive aggressive tone - "that was my bench actually. But don't you worry about it. I suppose you expect me to move now. Unbelievable

I said "I am very sorry - there is plenty of space, we assumed it was okay"

She walked off to 2 benches down and for the next ten minutes proceeded to tell her friend, when she came over, just how unreasonable we were

Was ibu? Is this a new rule I have missed? Could not believe the looks she kept giving us
.

Haven't RTFT, and I imagine more than half have said what I'm about to say, but...

I wouldn't have said anything in her place, but I would certainly have thought, 'Wonderful. Why could they not have chosen a bench away from the one I clearly marked as "in use"?!'

You can't expect to reserve a seat where they are scarce, but unless there's something special about this bench (best view, most convenient), it's more courteous to not sit right next to someone's place-holder.

I think you were in the wrong - why go for the bench with the pram next to it when others were free? But she clearly overreacted, it wasn't a big deal.

To me a pram next to a bench isn't a marker that someone might have sat there/ coming back. Item of clothing on a seat, or a bag fine. When I had kids young enough to have a pram I would just park it somewhere in the park. Same with scooters. It was just somewhere to put it, not a reservation. If you want to attempt to reserve (in itself a bit unreasonable) you put something on the seat you want.

Either way she was unnecessarily rude

@diddl

It's ok, I'm not expecting you to suddenly get an aha moment, and click that it's a bit weird. Presumably you do it because you don't understand that the person you're sitting unnecessarily close to would rather you didn't. Not because you're a public transport weirdo, although in the field it's quite hard to tell the difference.

I don't need to get an "aha" moment.

I sit on a seat.

I am not unnecessarily close.

I do not spill on to their seat or take up any of their space whatsoever!

How do I know if they don't want me there?

Am I supposed to ask permission to sit in a vacant seat?

I think it's obvious that you shouldn't sit on the seat next to someone if it's an empty train, in the same way that you wouldn't go and stand right next to a stranger in a big empty space, but obviously would if it was busy.

@diddl

It's the custom, I'm trying not to use the word normal, when you're in a public place, with strangers, for you all to give each other the maximum distance the situation allows. A crowd will occupy a space evenly, you all spread out evenly until there's no choice but to use the seats adjacent.

When you go to the dentist, if there's a chair free next to the door but right next to the only other person in the waiting room, do you sit next to that person because you want to sit down and you can't fathom walking two more metres to a seat that gives you both more space? The cinema? The pub?

It's great that you know you want to sit down, but what you're not factoring in is the other people using the space. And the fact that everyone wants to sit down but most people have the awareness not to do it next to others, if there's a choice. Because it's a bit weird.

Same goes for sitting in a bench with a buggy next to it.

That’s my point! Sometimes they are adorned with cases/flowers etc. They are put there for all to enjoy, but how is it managed if you go to be close to your loved one, lay glowers etc if someone is sitting on it? 🙄

Of course they don’t want you there! Why would they?? Stop being weird

Not the same thing at all.

For those who sit next to someone on a train rather than choosing multiple empty seats (and I am not talking first stop on a potentially busy commuter train) do you sit down next to someone at a cafe if they have empty seats at their table, if there are multiple empty tables?

I see.

It doesn't matter that they don't want her there. It's a seat on public transport and it's available.

So she needs to go out of her way to be extra annoying?

@diddl @DrSbaitso

So if I was sitting on seat number 36 and all the seats around tables in the carriage were free - where would you sit?

Understanding social cues isn't easy for everyone, maybe this thread is a little window into where those people are coming from and why they have such a hard time understanding the unspoken social "rules" and navigating seemingly simple interactions with other people that most of us take for granted.

A picnic bench type of bench, or a standard park bench?

I don’t think I own any seats surrounding me, but if I was sat at a picnic bench (especially if I had someone with me) and you came and sat at it too then I would think that was very odd behaviour.

If it’s park bench style, which isn’t what I thought the OP was talking about, then that’s a bit more understandable.

Well I'd want to be as close as possible to the luggage rack so 36 would be too far down for me.

And as for scanning the carriage, I only need a couple of people in front to not be able to see down it.

If I see them walking down as if there are no seats, I'm not going to follow them & walk passed one!

Oops-past!

@GiraffeLaSophie

Op refers to a 4 person bench, not a picnic bench.

Obviously, you wouldn't park yourself on someone else's picnic table when they're about to eat. 😳🤦🏻‍♀️

@PinkIcedCream I have never heard a standard straight/park bench referred to by size before, only picnic style benches so I assumed that’s what the OP was talking about- hence finding it so odd 🤷🏻‍♀️

*vases
*flowers

sorry!

Common OP, where are you?

As you say in your own post, there was plenty of benches free, so why didn't YOU and your dh choose one that was obviously free? Would you really have wanted her and her party to share the same bench as you?

Still, she overreacted and there was no need for her to huff and puff about it 10 minutes later.

Same sort of rule when you leave a book or a coat at a cafe if you're on your own, I guess.

Come on, not common. 🤦🏻‍♀️

MN really needs an edit button!

Clearly not