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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That's my bench - was aibu

295 replies

Blueysmumagain · 17/07/2023 06:17

Genuinely couldn't get over this yesterday. Appreciate its a tiny thing

Husband and I at busy park with 5 yo

Plenty of benches free. One 4 person bench with a pram next to it but no one sitting on it. No bags or coats on bench etc. An empty bench

Husband and I sit at one end. Still space for 2 other people

Woman comes over, picks up pram, and says - in the most passive aggressive tone - "that was my bench actually. But don't you worry about it. I suppose you expect me to move now. Unbelievable

I said "I am very sorry - there is plenty of space, we assumed it was okay"

She walked off to 2 benches down and for the next ten minutes proceeded to tell her friend, when she came over, just how unreasonable we were

Was ibu? Is this a new rule I have missed? Could not believe the looks she kept giving us
.

OP posts:
TimesRwo · 17/07/2023 09:24

HeidiUpTheMountain · 17/07/2023 09:00

I suspect OP is a person who likes Making A Point, and that’s what made her behave as she did.

This. Her behaviour makes no sense.

MrsLilaAmes · 17/07/2023 09:24

Surprised no one has asked yet- a pram suggests a baby too small to play on the playground, rather than a buggy or pushchair for a toddler. Was the baby sleeping in the pram?

If there were free benches I wouldn’t choose one where an empty pram was parked. But I definitely wouldn’t sit next to an occupied pram in preference to a completely unoccupied bench somewhere else. Surely you would expect that to make the mum feel really twitchy. Surely you wouldn’t be surprised if she felt she had to leave her kids to come back and get the baby in that situation. Lots of choices you made arbitrarily that make her life harder.

pontipinemum · 17/07/2023 09:25

YABU - if there were plenty of free benches why choose the only one that was sort of marked. I've often seen people leave coats/ bags/ prams at benches in the park while their kids play. It's easier than holding it all.

I doubt I'd have said anything to you but I would have though why not choose one of the many free benches.

safetyfreak · 17/07/2023 09:25

YABU

Only because there were other benches free. If it was me, I wouldnt have said anything but thought you and your husband were odd.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/07/2023 09:26

mnitg · 17/07/2023 06:22

If there were plenty of benches free why did you go to the one with a pram?

I'd not have said anything but would have thought it was odd.

I agree, @mnitg - why didn't you sit at one of the empty benches, @Blueysmumagain?

Catspyjamas17 · 17/07/2023 09:27

Depends if the other benches were as well-positioned, in the sun/shade. All things being equal I'd choose an empty one, but if the pram bench was the best one, I'd sit there.

Nolongera · 17/07/2023 09:28

Our park has 3 benches in it, if there was a pram next to one with adults and kids playing nearby, I would assume the pram belonged to them and they might wish to use the bench at some point.

If there were empty benches nearby ( and there always is) I would leave that bench alone for them to use, why wouldn't you?

Unless i wanted to be a bit of an arse,then I would use it.

IkeaMeatballGravy · 17/07/2023 09:28

Prams cost a bloody fortune these days, not to mention all the stuff that she probably keeps on the pram. Did the pram have a younger sibling in it? That makes it especially akward if a sleeping baby was in the pram.

How annoying for her that instead of focusing on her child, she now has to keep an eye on a shifty couple who have chosen to sit next to her pram instead of any of the other benches available. I wouldn't have said anything but I would have moved my pram away from you.

CurlewKate · 17/07/2023 09:29

Six and two threes. She was weird and rude in the way she reacted. You were weird in sitting on a bench someone else had colonised when there were plenty of others to spare. Move on!

ActDottie · 17/07/2023 09:30

I don’t get why you chose the bench with the pram next to it when other benches were free.

CurlewKate · 17/07/2023 09:30

Incidentally- I bet she didn't
go on about it for 10 minutes!

PerspiringElizabeth · 17/07/2023 09:31

Wow, surprised she had a friend to bitch to 😄

LadyEloise1 · 17/07/2023 09:31

BackupFail · 17/07/2023 06:23

I'd have been so tempted to say...

I don't see your name on it.

😂

zingally · 17/07/2023 09:31

You were both a bit weird. Her for the reaction, and you for sitting there, when there were lots of obviously unused benches around.

I wouldn't think any more about it.

NoLeaveIt · 17/07/2023 09:32

You sound unnecessarily selfish and Grady.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 17/07/2023 09:32

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you owned the bench!’ 😏

NoLeaveIt · 17/07/2023 09:33

NoLeaveIt · 17/07/2023 09:32

You sound unnecessarily selfish and Grady.

goady

MrsLilaAmes · 17/07/2023 09:33

BatheInTheLight · 17/07/2023 09:23

I would have said something like "you could have been far more polite just then, incredibly rude, but just to point out, it's not YOUR bench, unless there's a "reserve a bench by parking a buggy next to it" system in place which I have missed? And I don't EXPECT anything, you can either take the buggy which unlike the bench, IS YOURS or you could have sat at the other end of this one bench if this bench is so important to you, although after being so rude, that'd probably be pretty awkward."

Well that response would be a good way of letting the person have certainty that you were not just a bit unobservant but actually seeking to cause a problem, have an argument, make trouble etc. through your seating choices.

NoLeaveIt · 17/07/2023 09:35

MrsLilaAmes · 17/07/2023 09:33

Well that response would be a good way of letting the person have certainty that you were not just a bit unobservant but actually seeking to cause a problem, have an argument, make trouble etc. through your seating choices.

Show quote history

This

Bax765 · 17/07/2023 09:35

It is weird to sit at a bench with a pram next it to it when there were others which were free.

She was still rude to make such a fuss though.

diddl · 17/07/2023 09:36

Even if that is next to someone when there are other empty seats?

Possibly yes.

I don't really give it any thought.

The trains seem to fill soonish anyway.

Peacoffee · 17/07/2023 09:36

@MrsLilaAmes Surprised no one has asked yet- a pram suggests a baby too small to play on the playground, rather than a buggy or pushchair for a toddler. Was the baby sleeping in the pram?

Are you aware that people can have more than one child and that "buggy" is not a universal word, pram is interchangeable for all pushchair types.

SnotRag81 · 17/07/2023 09:38

diddl · 17/07/2023 09:36

Even if that is next to someone when there are other empty seats?

Possibly yes.

I don't really give it any thought.

The trains seem to fill soonish anyway.

That is incredibly annoying. You need to be aware of some people’s need for personal space. If there are no other options fair enough but don’t encroach on personal space unnecessarily

Muminthebluecoat · 17/07/2023 09:39

Not sure why you sat at the bench with the pram if others were empty?

The pram surely makes it cleat someone is planning on coming back to the seat?

If it was the only space then fine she has no right to save but why intentially sit at the one that looks like it's being used?

PinkIcedCream · 17/07/2023 09:39

All of you saying that you wouldn’t sit on a bench that is also occupied by one other person. Why not? Are you especially anxious?

I’m the sort of person who will happily sit on a bench with a stranger and even start a conversation. To me, that’s entirely normal. 😂