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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband has walked out

217 replies

changingmyname143 · 16/07/2023 18:14

Half way through me making dinner. We have been having problems for a while - mostly about (my) overbearing mother. I am trying to hold it together for the children. He works away a lot so "daddy's gone to work" is a feasible line for them. I am just numb and in shock. There's no AIBU here I've just seen similar things posted with people sending virtual hugs. Which I need. I can't call any of my friends til the children are asleep because it's all I can do to hold together

OP posts:
Xrays · 16/07/2023 18:16

Has he said it’s over or has he literally stormed out?

Whats the story with your Mum?

WeeOrcadian · 16/07/2023 18:17

Has he just stropped off to calm down maybe? Does he do this often / does he have form for this?

TrundleWheel76 · 16/07/2023 18:17

Has he definitely gone for good? Or just to calm down?

LongRoadtoNowhere · 16/07/2023 18:18

Was this during an argument? I’m really sorry OP and I’m absolutely sending you a virtual hug. It’s not fair to just leave you with the kids, sorry but he’s a parent too and that’s really poor of him.

When are the kids going to bed?

Cherrysoup · 16/07/2023 18:19

Have you told your mother to get lost?

Fireyflies · 16/07/2023 18:19

Oh you poor thing. That sounds such a shock. Can you let the children watch a movie or something after dinner to give you time to sit quietly and process things? Yes calling a friend once they're in bed is a good plan.

Telling my parents was the worst part of splitting up with my ex, but once I'd done that, everything started getting easier.

GoodChat · 16/07/2023 18:19

Were you arguing about your mother?

TrundleWheel76 · 16/07/2023 18:20

What's the issue with your mother?

TheHandbag · 16/07/2023 18:21

Is your mother interfering in your relationship with your husband and he can't stand it anymore. If this is the case then you need to tell your mum to butt out.

TrundleWheel76 · 16/07/2023 18:21

TheHandbag · 16/07/2023 18:21

Is your mother interfering in your relationship with your husband and he can't stand it anymore. If this is the case then you need to tell your mum to butt out.

I wondered this too.

Gracewithoutend · 16/07/2023 18:23

What do you mean by "walked out"? He's just said he's had enough and left. Or he's actually told you that he doesn't want to be married to you anymore and the relationship is over.
So is it an off the cuff reaction to the situation or is it pre-planned?

Original poster
changingmyname143 · 16/07/2023 18:26

There was a row about mum. We calmed down and then he said he didn't think he could do this any more and wanted a divorce. He packed an overnight bag.

OP posts:
Original poster
changingmyname143 · 16/07/2023 18:28

My mum interferes with the way we bring up the children rather than our relationship. It's caused tension but I didn't think this bad. We have had heated conversations with mum in the past but essentially she backs off for a bit then comes back.

OP posts:
Thunderisntnicebythebeach · 16/07/2023 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Gerrataere · 16/07/2023 18:32

If he’s told you many times that your mums behaviour is unacceptable and you’ve not put boundaries in place then it’s little surprise. If a woman was posting here that her mil was interfering to the point that she wanted to leave and her husband was doing nothing to stand up for the relationship, I’m sure the replies would be the same.

Mylovelygreendress · 16/07/2023 18:36

Why are you allowing your Mum to interfere ?

DimeStoreHooker · 16/07/2023 18:37

Have a virtual hug, calm down and try to relax tonight (easier said than done).

It's obvious something has to change but nothing will be sorted tonight. Send him a text saying you love him and stay safe and you'll talk tomorrow.

ThreeRingCircus · 16/07/2023 18:38

Gerrataere · 16/07/2023 18:32

If he’s told you many times that your mums behaviour is unacceptable and you’ve not put boundaries in place then it’s little surprise. If a woman was posting here that her mil was interfering to the point that she wanted to leave and her husband was doing nothing to stand up for the relationship, I’m sure the replies would be the same.

This, in a nutshell. What exactly is your mother interfering about?

Inkpotlover · 16/07/2023 18:39

What exactly caused him to reach his tipping point? What has your mum said this time?

How you go forward from here depends on how long this is going on – how old are your kids – and whether he feels you've been siding with her against him. If you haven't and disagree with her, she's been massively and rudely overstepping and not giving a shit about the impact on your relationship, you need to ask him what it would take for him to not follow through with the divorce – and if that means going NC with your mum to save your marriage, then do it.

But do you want to save it?

Xrays · 16/07/2023 18:39

Can you expand a bit more about what she’s saying about the children? If she’s interfering for example because she thinks he’s far too harsh / shouty etc then that’s a completely different thing to her interfering for the sake of it.

Exasperatednow · 16/07/2023 18:39

Ok.

Think about what future you want. If you want a future with him you need better boundaries with you mum and enforce them every single time.

And have a hug. Whatever you decide in hindsight turning points make change. Whether that's good or bad is some what up to you.

LaMaG · 16/07/2023 18:41

Oh no OP. I'm so sorry xxx

ASGIRC · 16/07/2023 18:43

changingmyname143 · 16/07/2023 18:28

My mum interferes with the way we bring up the children rather than our relationship. It's caused tension but I didn't think this bad. We have had heated conversations with mum in the past but essentially she backs off for a bit then comes back.

You werent listening to what he was telling you, basically.

It sounds like you dont have his back, and dont want to upset the peace with your mother.

So now your husband has left.

Now you know that it is THAT bad. Hope you can have a chat and maybe work things out.

ilovesooty · 16/07/2023 18:45

I'm sorry. I hope you manage to work through it.

Daffodilwoman · 16/07/2023 18:49

You need to put your dh first, unless your mother has a point.
It can be very difficult if you have an over baring parent.
Sending you hugs.

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