My husband has walked out

[changingmyname143]

Half way through me making dinner. We have been having problems for a while - mostly about (my) overbearing mother. I am trying to hold it together for the children. He works away a lot so "daddy's gone to work" is a feasible line for them. I am just numb and in shock. There's no AIBU here I've just seen similar things posted with people sending virtual hugs. Which I need. I can't call any of my friends til the children are asleep because it's all I can do to hold together

I'm sorry this has happened to you OP. But its difficult to get a grasp of the situation with such little info. Hoping you guys can talk it through regardless!

When your mother tries to interfere do you stand firm with your husband as a team or do you let her come between you and try to appease her at your husband's expense?

I feel sorry for you and it must be hard holding it together, but it sounds like your interfering Mum has literally broken your Husband. If you want to save the relationship, you need to put boundaries in place and absolutely stick to them.

I would absolutely hate to have an intefering in law (luckily we dont) and can fully understand why it would end a relationship.

Could he be throwing a strop so next time you'll be so frightened of him walking out you will just give in to the arguments/issues.

I'd be considering divorce if I was you. Walking out whilst the children are being fed shows he has no respect.

As a parent he needs to know the children's feelings come first he didn't think of them tonight. Maybe your mother is on the right track?

OP there's a lot of people on here who for their own reasons are jumping at the chance to blame two women for the fact a man has walked out on his family. Ignore them. They're pushing a tedious agenda.
I'm sure your mum doesn't help, but a marriage would have to be pretty fragile to break over her interference alone. She does however provide your husband with a handy excuse if he has other reasons he wants to leave without looking like the bad guy.
If its simply your mum, and he otherwise wants to be with you, I expect he'll be back or at least offer an opportunity to talk, and you'll have a chance to make some changes.

Sending hugs as requested. You must be in shock. Try and eat and get the kids to bed ASAP so you can have some space to think.

I am familiar with the 'interfering mother' syndrome - my mum has tried the same and I actually said to her straight, if she carries on I will have to choose, and I won't be choosing her. It seems to have shocked her into changing her behaviour.

My MIL won't speak to DH at all because he 'chose' me and she's outraged by it.

Funnily enough, I wonder if part of me and DH understanding each other is that we were both brought up by overbearing mothers. It can be really dangerous to a marriage - I think you can see that now.

If you want him back, he will need to be reassured that your mother will not continue to be the third wheel inside your marriage.

And that is your dealbreaker in a relationship that you have every right to hold. However, the bizarre projecting you are doing to everyone that works away or has a spouse that does is ridiculous and over the top.

Does it not register that other people don't live the same lives with the same circle of contacts you have?

I know dozens upon dozens of people who work away regularly and often for long stints.

I spend weeks away myself. I'm travelling to the US tomorrow for 2 weeks and when I get back it will only be 4 days before DH is away in Asia on business for 6 days. I'll then be in the US for 2 more weeks in September; that's life for some people.

I don't personally know anyone who's a vicar, anyone who works in a supermarket, or any astronauts. I don't assume those jobs don't exist, though.

Oh don't be daft @BathroomOnTheRight
My DH worked away and home on a pretty much permanent basis for 25 years of our marriage. Retired now. We're very happy. It worked well for us. He earned great money, we had a few great postings and trips together as well as the absences. I knew lots of folk at his work who totally would have snitched if he'd been up to no good.
I'm totally strong and independent enough to have coped and coped well. No reason why couples
Can't thrive when they're not joined at the hip. And plenty who are joined at the hip still have problems

When you get married you are now in your husbands corner and he in yours in the event of any troubles from other relatives.

Sadly, the interfering by your mother should have been stopped by you before he reached the end of his tether.

Have you actually read OPs posts?

She’s said herself they’ve got major issues with her mum and the argument that caused him to walk out was about her mum.

It doesn’t help OP when you try and change the narrative and it’s almost gas lighting her into thinking that her own thoughts must be wrong.

OP knows the situation and doesn’t need anyone trying to project their own feelings onto her.

This seems a stretch - quite the creative back story.

Absolutely this - I think that feeding narratives like some of the ones I've read are incredibly unhelpful.

I would phone my mum in that situation and tell her that her behaviour had cost me my marriage.

You need to choose your mother or your DH. Choose her and she will interfere more than ever. Sounds to me like you need to put her in her place and go lc

Hugs lovely. Hope it all works out for you.

Your mother should never come before your other half. You need to be a team for your kids. It might not be too late if you are willing to make some changes. It sounds like he has had enough and I don't blame him.

Seems like such an extreme reaction on your DH's part - he's been thinking about this for awhile...

hugs coming your way.
i wouldn't necessarily believe a word of what he has said, and some of his comments regarding your mom might 100% be stretched to suit his own agenda.

@BathroomOnTheRight " I wouldn't tolerate it and I cannot think of many jobs where it would be legitimately needed to work away except perhaps army/navy, even then I think those jobs aren't conducive to family life so should really only be for single people. "

Hark at you Hyacinth!
What very snobbish and ignorant comments you have made!
Have you never heard of welders/welding inspectors/sparkies/plasterers/brickies, etc., that work on the construction of things such as power stations - do you think bits of power stations are sent by Royal Mail to their homes to be worked on and then returned in the S.A.E. that was thoughtfully enclosed?
No! They are the ones that have to do the travelling, staying in digs for months on end!
How about oil rig workers, do you think they travel to work on a daily basis?
There's a whole host of jobs that require people to travel and stay away from their homes and families, whether they want to or not, they go where they are sent.
And as for those jobs only being suitable for single people, where do you propose those with wives and children work? Isn't it more conducisive to family life to have someone working hard to provide for them?!
Jeez!

Sorry to hear of your upset OP, I hope everything works out for the best for you.

He married you to be in a couples relationship and partnership.
If your mother is so overbearing in not surprised he's finding it difficult having to think of her reactions too.
I'm sure he feels her influence in more than just the kids lives, it's not good for your parents to be so entwined in your relationship and not respect normal boundaries.
You need to have a frank conversation with you mother and tell her that her influence is leading to a breakdown of your marriage.
Surely this is not what she wants for you and your family.
Perhaps you should seeking some couples counselling to talk through the issues affecting you both to find a way through before involving your mother to set some boundaries for her/your future relationship.

Speak to a friend after the children are in bed. Tomorrow get some legal advice, do this regardless of DH returning.

How is your relationship with your mum, and is she helping with childcare?

The OP said there was tension that she didn't think was that bad. You have exaggerated that.
If the OP finds my post less helpful than those blaming her, she is free to ignore me.
As are you, given I wasn't addressing you in the first place.

Where I am they travel to these places, they aren't stupid hours/days away from home so they, like any other worker, drive to and from work. People close to power stations etc... work at the power station. They don't travel hours/days and stay there.

What's his agenda? How are you privy to it?