My husband has walked out

[changingmyname143]

Half way through me making dinner. We have been having problems for a while - mostly about (my) overbearing mother. I am trying to hold it together for the children. He works away a lot so "daddy's gone to work" is a feasible line for them. I am just numb and in shock. There's no AIBU here I've just seen similar things posted with people sending virtual hugs. Which I need. I can't call any of my friends til the children are asleep because it's all I can do to hold together

Why are you letting your mum interfere so much?

Right,but when there's any sort of shutdown or expansion taking place contractors will be brought in from all over the country.

I didn't say I didn't believe anyone does, just that it's no life for a family and those who do with families have dubious reasons for not getting a normal local job. When you settle down that's how it should be.

The businesses have their own agency that gets onto the local contractors they have a list of. That's how it works where I am. It's simply not normal for any contractor to have to live elsewhere while working unless it's the forces.

I suggest you take your own advice because you're projecting.

And what do you think would happen if they weren't able to employ enough locals that had the skills required to do the work?

Sending hugs. I hope this gets resolved for you xx

A woman posting on here that she walked out and left her partner and children would most definitely be unreasonable. Unfortunately there seems to be low bars set for putting in your own boundaries and not taking any responsibility.

The ops dh has checked out because its the easy option.

Businesses have their own employees that they send to work on whatever contract they have won.
I have no need to ' project ' anything, there are other posters on this thread who are fully aware of how things work, whereas, you remain committed to remaining ignorant, instead of accepting that you don't know everything!

@BathroomOnTheRight when I worked away a lot, I worked for a government arms length body/inspectorate, as did my colleagues. Many still do.
It's not generally a job for young people as it requires high levels of experience, knowledge and skill in a niche area.
There are plenty of similar organisations and departments.
A friend works for an organisation with language schools and interpreters she travels a lot, another friend is an esteemed academic who travels all the time for research and academic conferences etc, another is a journalist for a well reputed broadsheet. They're all women btw late thirties, early forties, with families, or is it just men who shouldn't travel?

You’re quite right, I didn’t address that part and he is certainly in the wrong for it. But that’s a whole other societal issues (men sodding off without thought to home or children). Not dealing with an overstepping in law is the crux of the op and one that certainly needs addressing between the op and her husband. The whole situation is completely unfair on the children who have evidently been used as pawns of discontent between the adults for a long time.

It may not be normal for you and your local area, but there are many people and many places around the UK and the world where it's considered entirely normal for one or both adults in a relationship to work away from the family home.

For example:

I have a colleague who spent 2 years working in the southwest of England while his wife worked in the south of Scotland. The family home was in Scotland and he came back regularly. The reason was that was where his training post was allocated for his medical speciality training.

Another colleague did 3 years of training in Aberdeen while her husband trained in the north of England. Again, that's where the job was.

One of my friends worked for several years in a job that saw him travelling all around the country and coming home at weekends. That paid off the family's mortgage.

I have several friends and know several partners of other friends who somehow manage to work as contractors away from home for periods of time without having affairs or having their marriages fall apart. Working away from home is entirely normal for them.

It may not be a lifestyle that you would want, but it's one that quite a few people have, either through choice or necessity.

Sending hugs, OP.

I would have a serious discussion with mum about this. Potentially your DH and her will have to have NC in the future if you want to save your marriage. What a tricky situation for you but it sounds like it needs to be done.

I agree with this.

Why have you allowed your mother so much agency in your family.

I am really sorry for you, but this was surely avoidable?

My DF "worked away" for the last 30 years of his career. Sometimes near enough to come home most weekends, sometimes on the other side of the world.

They had a long and happy marriage, despite (or maybe even because of?) long periods spent apart.

Maybe he just wants to raise his kids without your mother's influence at all 50% of the time.
I never let my mother near any of my relationships, she would destroy them from the inside out. You MUST have boundaries, if necessary move away.

What country do you live in?

OP ask for this to be moved to Relationships or better yet start a new thread in Relationships. AIBU is full of gfs. They won't give you hugs or handholds. They'll instead try to find a way to make this a woman's fault - whether that woman be you or your DM.
Tell someone in RL what is going on as soon as possible. You need RL support. Sending you hugs.

I would need a bit more context before I could say YABU or not.

Yes, some mothers are overbearing.

But I have a cousin who will complain to all and sundry about her interfering mother causing problems with her husband.

However by all accounts the mother is justified, that little girl is being neglected through lazy parenting. She’s also possibly being emotionally abused by cousins husband, who will shout and scream at them both unless the mother is there, because he is a bully who will back down immediately when confronted.

So it all depends, does your mother have a point or not?

When the woman's MIL is unbearable the advice is that he should put his 'little family' first and deal with the MIL. Why is this different, the OP has allowed his MIL to interfere in their family life? He's no more pathetic than a woman would be but there's the MN hypocrisy for you.

Very very unlikely that this is the 'real' reason likely DM was the scape goat in the moment.

I'm sorry OP my ex fiancé did something very similar when I was very pregnant due to my voicing that I was upset about some very unkind things he'd said to me over the weekend and 'I'm always upset' and 'I always bring things up at inconvenient times' (I had purposefully not brought it up just before bedtime as he'd banned me from serious conversations then).

You will be in utter shock and heartbreak right now but I promise you there is happiness and a wonderful life ahead for you now you're free from someone so impulsive and cruel x

Ignore the silly squabbling on this thread, OP. Leave them to it.

Try to talk to someone IRL, call a friend if you can. And tell your husband that you’d like to put things right. Maybe you both need to make changes? It’s difficult to know whether your mother has a point without more detail. He shouldn’t be flouncing off though.

Sorry to continue the hijack of the thread but I work in civil engineering ( away from home 3 days a week) and that's absolute bollocks. Site staff work anywhere in the country we send them to and receive an allowance so some actively choose to work away as it's around an extra £1k a month. Added to this we have strict fatigue management systems that prohibit us from traveling over 2hrs to work.

And to put this to bed, while I'm sure plenty of those working away are faithful it's definitely not everyone and unfortunately it's part of the culture to turn a blind eye unless it's obviously exploitative. One sleazeball I dealt with last year will literally travel to anywhere in the country or outside of it to continue his philandering.Hopefully his current posting in the Shetlands is limiting his options. Mind you, last week's ''family man" who was pulled up for shagging a 21yr old junior was head office based, half an hour door to door and made a point of being home to pick the kids up every evening so if they want to they'll find a way.

I think PP are really missing the point, there is no WAY a opinionated MIL is what's led him to walk out. He needed an excuse so him picked a fight. We ALL have things we moan about to our partners - imagine if a woman said 'I've told you before not to drop your towels on the floor, you've done it again, I'm packing a bag and divorcing you!' Come on - it's clear it was either a final straw or they were looking for an out