My husband has walked out

[changingmyname143]

Half way through me making dinner. We have been having problems for a while - mostly about (my) overbearing mother. I am trying to hold it together for the children. He works away a lot so "daddy's gone to work" is a feasible line for them. I am just numb and in shock. There's no AIBU here I've just seen similar things posted with people sending virtual hugs. Which I need. I can't call any of my friends til the children are asleep because it's all I can do to hold together

Well if @changingmyname143 caves into mum and let's him go there's nothing stopping mum from kiboshing partner number two and three. Mummy wants complete control in cases like this.

It's another form of emotional abuse and coercive control that people won't fully admit to because a woman is responsible. It makes no difference to me whether the abuser is male or female but people should acknowledge that women can do it too. These marriage breakers are dangerous and people should wise up to them fast. They break up families, marriages all for the power trip, very narcissistic!

Hi - I clocked out last night because despite the many lovely supportive and thoughtful comments (and tough love) there were quite a few harsh ones which I couldn't cope with.
To answer some questions: he didn't walk out when we were all at the table, I was just making dinner. No fuss, no traumatising of the kids etc. it's pretty normal for one or both of us to stay overnight in London for our jobs - one of the reasons that DM is so involved because we rely on her for childcare, she will come and stay as she's retired. He stayed with a friend last night and came back home at lunch and we talked. A LOT. We both want to work through this and have agreed that DM needs to take a step back, and for good. Thank you for all the advice.

Good luck OP,I hope your mum can be persuaded to back off.

Great news. Good luck to you both in working things out x

@changingmyname143 that's good news. Good luck and I'm glad you're both going to work through it x

I'm glad you had a good chat. Fair play to you both for doing that.
I think what you need to do now is really listen to him. There are endless posts here about men who won't stand up to their (overbearing) mothers and so the woman walks away. If you want to work through this, you need to be a united front. It might be hard, and cause disagreements with your DM, and be uncomfortable for a while but you need to decide how to move forward together.
It may be difficult as she is your childcare. Is there anything you can compromise on?

Glad things are resolving OP 💐

My mum could be a bit of a nightmare! But I remember, in a weird moment of lucid insight that she had never shown before, and has never shown since, she said to me, "if you ever have to pick between me and your DH. Pick your DH".

That's the most thoughtful and least selfish thing I'd ever heard from her, but she was right.

Prioritise your DH. Deep deep down that's what your mum would want too, if she genuinely wants what's best for you

I’m glad you’ve talked things through.

I would focus on trying to change things so your mum doesn’t need to babysit as often.
The less she’s there, the less she’ll interfere.

It may be worth both or one reducing your hours whilst they’re little so you don’t need childcare as often.

Glad to read this.

Unfortunately for some, offering generous childcare can get wrapped up in interference, and the price can be too high.

Alternative childcare will be less costly than a split!

Wishing you the best.

That's good news. I hope things work out well for you both.

Wishing you all the best OP

Good news and hope you can work through it and come out as a stronger team. Agree with other suggestions that maybe looking at different childcare would be better in the long run.

That's really good news. I hope it works out for you.

Aigghh you need to disentangle the child care. Does she sleep over @changingmyname143

Excellent news, keep a regular time for communication, we have a sit down for half an hour every week to see how family are feeling.
Sometimes the weekly rush can seem like the other person is too busy or doesn't care as they juggle life.
We find a meeting makes time, it took reaching breaking point for us to make this change.
Wish you success and happiness

Yep. And the cost (£ free) of that is starting to be clear. We can afford to spend more on childcare so we will. All hard but I really do appreciate the perspective this has given me