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AIBU?

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Original poster

If a couple say “your presence is our present”…

212 replies

transylvanianfamilies · 14/07/2023 19:20

…and it’s a wedding abroad (only Ireland and one of couple is Irish) after a hen abroad then you still get them a gift or bung them some cash?

DH says no. I think £50 and/or bottle of nice champagne. I couldn’t turn up to a wedding empty handed.

OP posts:
goingcrazy142904 · 14/07/2023 19:21

I agree with you you can't go empty handed, nice champagne over money though

Hehasasecretfriend · 14/07/2023 19:21

I'd still give a gift yes

MajesticWhine · 14/07/2023 19:22

I would still give a gift. Not money though.

devildeepbluesea · 14/07/2023 19:22

Either or, but no I wouldn’t go empty handed

SophieHope7 · 14/07/2023 19:22

I think your gift choice is perfect. Or get them vouchers? Sometimes people have a honeymoon fund? Agree I couldn't turn up empty handed either! Given the cost of weddings these days....

BlueberryElderberry · 14/07/2023 19:23

Yes, still get a gift, it’s just nonsense some couples say in wedding invites so they don’t look grasping. They will still expect a gift.

19lottie82 · 14/07/2023 19:23

Are Irish weddings not big on giving money? From what I understand it’s a couple of hundred euros minimum

SurpriseSparDay · 14/07/2023 19:24

… They mean We know we’ve already made you spend a fortune - and we know it’s a stretch for some of you. Please don’t waste your money on an Air Fryer (we already have three). But obviously if you want to give us a few hundred grand … we wouldn’t be so ungracious as to refuse your generosity.

HermeticDawn · 14/07/2023 19:24

In some cases, it’s code for ‘We’ll only send you or wedding list if you actually ask us’.

redskytwonight · 14/07/2023 19:24

They mean they don't want a gift. So don't buy them a gift.
Why do people think that their desire to get someone a gift trumps the other person's desire not to have one?

Whitetopaz1 · 14/07/2023 19:25

I always assume this means please give us cash instead of ‘a thing’ but as we don’t want to say that outright we’ll use this twee rhyme and assume that everyone will understand the subtext. I wonder does anyone actually ever just follow instructions! 😆

Yes, I’d give them a cash present.

TulipsTwoLips · 14/07/2023 19:25

We said we didn't need gifts and that was exactly what we meant. I really don't understand why people put in twee statements like that if they mean give us cash!

Doidontimmm · 14/07/2023 19:25

We got married last year & said please no presents and got drink (we don’t drink), vouchers for somewhere 200 miles away and so many Mr & Mrs ornaments that we will never use/display - so my answer is please respect their wishes.

Beachhutnut · 14/07/2023 19:27

When people say this they mean they want cash

Doidontimmm · 14/07/2023 19:27

I disagree, we genuinely wanted nothing.

oviraptor21 · 14/07/2023 19:29

They honestly do not expect or want a gift. In all likelihood would prefer not to have a gift especially not a physical item as then they have to get it home - or leave it behind. Just take them at their word. A card is nice. A gift is silly.

marshmallowfinder · 14/07/2023 19:31

It's NO to a present. Cash or otherwise. It really is. Why on earth would anyone think it means anything else. If you can't attend then maybe OK, send a present, but if you're going then just a card. Really. Truly.

StaySpicy · 14/07/2023 19:34

We wrote something similar on our invites and didn't expect anything. We did receive some money and small gifts from a few people which were obviously gratefully received, but we weren't expecting anything at all.

I'd always take a card but wouldn't give anything if they'd expressed something like this on the invite.

HawdMeBack · 14/07/2023 19:35

We got married abroad after having a stag/hen abroad. We said no gifts, and thought we meant it. Everyone still gave us something, except the best man. He didn't even get us a card. I thought that was shit! Especially after being bought his full outfit and a gift for being part of our day.

FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall · 14/07/2023 19:35

Have a beautiful personalised card made. Do not give them anything.

we often put 'no presents' on invitations (although not weddings). We mean it. We don't want anything. And I would be mortified if someone had forked out for flights and hotels to be with us and then gave us cash.

Nosleepforthismum · 14/07/2023 19:36

I would still give a gift of some sort. I would treat this in the same way as asking a friend if there is anything you can bring for dinner when they are cooking for you and they say “no, no, just bring yourself!” Everyone knows that you still turn up with a bottle of wine or two. It’s basic good manners.

Saschka · 14/07/2023 19:37

transylvanianfamilies · 14/07/2023 19:20

…and it’s a wedding abroad (only Ireland and one of couple is Irish) after a hen abroad then you still get them a gift or bung them some cash?

DH says no. I think £50 and/or bottle of nice champagne. I couldn’t turn up to a wedding empty handed.

Cash. Definitely cash.

Doidontimmm · 14/07/2023 19:37

@HawdMeBack but you said no presents so he respected your wishes. He wasn’t to know you’d resent buying him an outfit & gift - he never asked to be best man!

Qilin · 14/07/2023 19:37

Given the cost of weddings these days....

How much someone decides to spend in their own wedding shouldn't have any relevance to what gifts guests should take.

SoShallINever · 14/07/2023 19:38

Well I never! Are you sure they are actually Irish?
All the Irish weddings I've been to have been at least £200 minimum gift.