If a couple say “your presence is our present”…

[transylvanianfamilies]

…and it’s a wedding abroad (only Ireland and one of couple is Irish) after a hen abroad then you still get them a gift or bung them some cash?

DH says no. I think £50 and/or bottle of nice champagne. I couldn’t turn up to a wedding empty handed.

If this is an Irish wedding then money. The theory ( in ireland) is you cover your own costs. Most weddings I go to I give gifts of hundreds of pounds. If you need to travel they probably won't expect that from English guest but 50 in a card would still be good.

We asked for no gifts - I honestly cannot remember who ended up giving and who didn't. I don't like gifts, I'd rather choose my own stuff and we didn't need the money. A lot of people were traveling to our party and we appreciated them doing so.

I hear the going rate in Ireland is 200 Euro now.

Yes. You give a gift.

I would avoid a bottle of champagne. I'm going to assume the couple live in the UK but are getting married in ireland so anything you gift including champagne would need to be transported back. As others have said ask on craicnet for normal etiquette in ireland

*My DD and her husband said very clearly that they didn't want presents. Twenty people gave them bottles of champagne.

Not to mention that this couple have to fly back to England after the wedding.*

It baffles me why anyone knowing the couple flew to a venue would want to have to go to the trouble and cost of trying to fly back bottles of alcohol of all things in their suitcase or ship them back especially with different countries having laws about travelling with a certain amount.

*would want the couple

I would still buy a gift. I would hate to turn up to a wedding empty handed. A good bottle of champagne should cover it.

I hadn't considered the transport of the champagne though.

We said no presents and meant it. Some people still bought us things but we really meant we didn't want stuff.

We send champagne to someone's home - we don't take it with us to their wedding.

Make a donation to a charity in their name and print it and put it in the card.

It is but I have a large amount of English friends relatives travelling for my own wedding in ireland next year. As they will need to travel and are not used to this etiquette I wouldn't expect the 200-300 that I would expect from my Irish friends and relatives.

That goes both ways for my Irish friends I have given hundreds for their weddings but when I have gone to English friends wedding I have given 50. The bride and groom would be aware of differences between the two countries

We genuinely didn't need or want anything when we got married and our guests were mostly coming a distance, so we put something similar. Because we'd been asked about a list/what we would like, we said that if people really wanted to, they could donate to a chosen charity. Probably about half our guests donated, the rest didn't. We also didn't get any gifts other than champagne from work.

I would treat this in the same way as asking a friend if there is anything you can bring for dinner when they are cooking for you and they say “no, no, just bring yourself!” Everyone knows that you still turn up with a bottle of wine or two. It’s basic good manners
I hate it when people don't say what they mean and then everyone else is expected to guess whether it's truthful or a silly dance where nobody says what they actually mean.

If I ask someone if there's something I can bring then I appreciate it if they answer truthfully. I do the same when friends ask. Why turn up with a bottle of wine and chocolates if what my friend would actually like me to bring are some extra savoury nibbles?

I'm Irish.

While I agree that typically the gift for Irish weddings is €200 - €300 per couple, on this occasion I would take them at their word.

They are hopefully considerate friends who are taking into account the cost of travel from the UK & accommodation in Ireland.

Don't give them a gift; send them a lovely card. If you take any nice photos on the day, send them copies, perhaps a framed one, especially from later in the day when the formal photographer is gone.

He also wasn't obliged to accept and take the clothes, shoes, gift, food, drink, etc. We genuinely didn't want or expect gifts but to not even get us a card was very poor IMO. I just wouldn't embarrass myself like that.

Because it’s just polite. They are saying all sorted for food. You’d really turn up at a friends house without a bottle?? Sit and eat their food and drink their drink all night. You shouldn’t need to be asked in that circumstance, just know what would be polite.

I’m Irish and believe me a cash gift will be expected.

Is it normal for Irish couples to say "your presence is our present" though?

*Also, €200 can be the "going rate "but like fuck am I giving that to someone just because it's expected!

Cash voucher or champers

Gosh, the entitlement! €200? I was mortally embarrassed at my own wedding when people gave us money into the three figures. It may be a cultural expectation but it's not a particularly nice one.

I’ve come across it a couple of times, it’s definitely not the norm but I would never show up at a wedding empty handed, it’s unheard of here.

Yes of course you give a gift