Page 9 | If a couple say “your presence is our present”…

transylvanianfamilies · 2023-07-14T18:20:22+00:00

…and it’s a wedding abroad (only Ireland and one of couple is Irish) after a hen abroad then you still get them a gift or bung them some cash? DH says no. I think £50 and/or bottle of nice champagne. I couldn’t turn up to a wedding empty handed.

Cosyblankets · 17/07/2023 11:01

HawdMeBack · 17/07/2023 10:42

Maybe we should have got him a medal or a trophy!

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You obviously didn't think you meant it or you wouldn't be disappointed by the only person who listened.
We married abroad and said no gifts. Except we absolutely meant it

alwaysmovingforwards · 17/07/2023 11:24

redskytwonight · 14/07/2023 19:24

They mean they don't want a gift. So don't buy them a gift.
Why do people think that their desire to get someone a gift trumps the other person's desire not to have one?

Agreed, it's hardly rocket science...

HawdMeBack · 17/07/2023 12:06

Pyri · 17/07/2023 10:58

Maybe just a thanks and not to slag him off on an internet forum 🤷‍♀️

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🤣 I've heard it all now.

ImNotReadyToMakeTea · 17/07/2023 12:14

When I got married we didn't really need or want gifts so we asked people to bring a mug. Then we had a best mug competition.
It got round the issue that people don't like to attend a wedding empty handed.
Some of the mugs have lasted longer than the marriage.
I think if the couple have said they don't want gifts then take them at their word.

Neverinamonthofsundays · 17/07/2023 12:19

I am telling you and repeating it - I am Irish. I have been married (and divorced) and when a couple say they do not want a gift they genuinely mean it. If you want to buy a card and put cash in which really is the done thing here then you do it. If you do not want to then do not but it will be frowned upon. I was at a wedding myself on Friday in Ireland and we spent ages debating whether to put in 200 or 300 euro in the card. We ended up with 250 as a compromise as it was just us pair that went, our kids didnt want to go but if they had it would have been about 300 or more. Literally the thought process here is that you pay for your meal and drinks (as they are a usual add on) and a bit more for the gift. You NEVER gift alcohol though.

RebelR · 17/07/2023 12:32

I think it means they don't want gifts but do want money

DoesNotPlayWellWithIdiots · 17/07/2023 12:44

I can't remember the wording we used but we made it clear we didn't want or expect presents and we absolutely meant it.
We genuinely appreciated and valued just the company of those invited.

Take them at their word or, if you'd feel rude not giving a gift, make it vouchers or cash so that the couple can choose something they'll use and enjoy. I know champagne seems an obvious choice but we were given 6 bottles as wedding presents; we both detest the stuff and don't drink at home anyway!

Hohohole · 17/07/2023 12:49

In Ireland you usually gift €100 per person attending

Confusion101 · 17/07/2023 14:13

Hohohole · 17/07/2023 12:49

In Ireland you usually gift €100 per person attending

You'd still gift this even if the invite specified no presents?

aSofaNearYou · 17/07/2023 14:18

Hohohole · 17/07/2023 12:49

In Ireland you usually gift €100 per person attending

So if you were a family of 4 you'd be expected to give €400??

I think that's absolutely appalling.

EarringsandLipstick · 17/07/2023 18:05

Neverinamonthofsundays · 17/07/2023 12:19

I am telling you and repeating it - I am Irish. I have been married (and divorced) and when a couple say they do not want a gift they genuinely mean it. If you want to buy a card and put cash in which really is the done thing here then you do it. If you do not want to then do not but it will be frowned upon. I was at a wedding myself on Friday in Ireland and we spent ages debating whether to put in 200 or 300 euro in the card. We ended up with 250 as a compromise as it was just us pair that went, our kids didnt want to go but if they had it would have been about 300 or more. Literally the thought process here is that you pay for your meal and drinks (as they are a usual add on) and a bit more for the gift. You NEVER gift alcohol though.

Honestly. There are many Irish here, me included.

They don't want gifts - cash or items. That's why they said so!

If they wanted a gift (cash or otherwise) they'd have put nothing.

They are recognising that some guests are already spending a considerable amount to attend their wedding & don't them to spend more.

EarringsandLipstick · 17/07/2023 18:08

So if you were a family of 4 you'd be expected to give €400??

No - dependents / students don't count.

The typical amount is €200 - €300 per couple. (Still a lot!)

However, most decent people I know, would not judge their friends & family on the basis of their gift. They'd be appreciative regardless.

It's over-stating it to say every Irish person is grabby & expecting €€€€ for their wedding, as some posts have implied