Page 9 | My boyfriends family member paid for everyone’s ice cream, AIBU for being upset that bf didn’t say anything

Redrose28 · 2023-07-11T21:36:54+00:00

I hope this doesn’t seem too petty. I went out with my boyfriend , his sister and her boyfriend. We had ice creams. My boyfriends sisters boyfriend told my boyfriend he’ll pay for him and his girlfriends ice cream whilst waiting in line. I had to pay for my own ice cream. I felt quite awkward. I by no means want a hand out, but this felt quite rude. I felt upset that my boyfriend didn’t say that he’d pay for us to stand up for me abit. I know I would stood up for him in that position. AIBU?

1974devon · 13/07/2023 19:00

This always happens to us when we go out with brother and family. Earns good money but makes a point of only paying for his family's ice creams..and I have to pay for me and my daughter (less well off). Always seems a bit odd as only a couple of quid.. but decided long ago nowt so queer as folk 😉

FayCarew · 13/07/2023 19:20

@Missingpop , are you always this sensitive and empathetic?

WildUnchartedWaters · 13/07/2023 19:27

Was there two threads on this?

I understand it was a minor annoyance and I get the point but I just am a bit 😲 at how much it's been blown up and dragged on. There must be more to your concerns and worries in the relationship?

MagicFarawayTea · 13/07/2023 19:40

Yes it matters if you want to be socially acceptable and have decent manners.

5128gap · 13/07/2023 19:43

Maybe he's one of these every penny matters types and paid for your BF because he owed him for a sandwich or his share of the parking or something? I've a friend like that. I bought her a coffee because she had no cash, so next time we met she went and got a cake for me and her but not our other friend because she 'owed' me but not her. Its the only possibility I can come up with that doesn't mean he was being deliberately and unfathomably mean to you!
Personally I wouldn't bring it up with your bf as a big deal. Maybe just casually 'That was weird with Jake and the icecreams wasn't it..?'

Mammajay · 13/07/2023 19:46

2 ice-creams £7, 4 ice creams £14. I would imagine the person who paid for 3 was hoping your boyfriend would pay for the 2 of you rather than he was being horrible to you.

cannockcandy · 13/07/2023 19:51

Weregoingthroughchanges · 11/07/2023 23:17

Do you think his sister would have given him grief for buying another woman an ice cream?

I didn't even think of that but I do know women who are cray cray enough that that would actually make sense. Although, I just wouldn't have offered anyone besides my gf if that was the situation.

Winnipeg23 · 13/07/2023 20:14

I wouldn't personally bring it up again. But I would note it and definitely watch how generous and considerate your boyfriend is to you. Definite red flag early on in the relationship. It might be nothing or it might be the first of many signs that he's not generous or considerate. These qualities are essential in a nice partner long term I'd say. Just watch.

Freckles978 · 13/07/2023 20:45

I think you should ask your boyfriend why he didn't remind him that there were four a d not three of you.

Original poster

Redrose28 · 13/07/2023 21:17

Thanks for the replies all

OP posts:

Carpediemmakeitcount · 13/07/2023 21:33

Redrose28 · 13/07/2023 21:17

Thanks for the replies all

I would be blunt with your boyfriend and tell him that him and his sister's boyfriend was rude. Has he stopped sharing intimate details with his mum and dad.

Hawkinsresident · 13/07/2023 22:40

Don’t fret, take them to a pub and buy everyone a drink except for the twat.
Pay back in the same coin !!!

wingsanddreams · 14/07/2023 00:21

The sister's boyfriend is mean. Your boyfriend should have paid for yours. Small things reflect the bigger picture.

MarsandVenus · 14/07/2023 07:21

Goodness. This is a bit of a first world problem. Just be thankful you have nothing serious to worry about! x

Bugbabe1970 · 14/07/2023 09:22

It was weird
Your BF should have paid for yours
But then I would have said something at the time - everyone just sounds a bit emotionally immature. I wouldn't bother saying anything to your BF now it's gone past it but don't let it happen again

BatheInTheLight · 14/07/2023 10:42

It's a simple enough situation that I'd imagine you've come to your own (correct) conclusions about what should have happened and what kind of person the ice cream buyer (or not, in your case), is.

VeneziaJ · 14/07/2023 12:31

Dacadactyl · 11/07/2023 22:39

I think the bloke who paid for the ice cream was being petty!

I can't believe his gf didn't say "oi, tightwad, what about @Redrose28"

I would've expected better from your bf too tbh.

I dont think you are being unreasonable. I too would have felt awkward if someone who was already in the queue and was on the group had offered to pay all the ice creams except mine

VeraMay · 16/07/2023 21:04

I had a similar situation MIL & FIL came to stay. We were struggling financially at the time. I was looking after neighbour's daughter, age 3, as well as my daughter. Took the in-laws out, with the girls, in the car at my expense, I even paid for parking. In-laws spotted the icecream van and asked if we would like one. Of course we would. I must admit to being surprised that the tight wads should be asking if we wanted an icecream. I assumed that they meant they would buy one for each of us. In-laws ask for their icecreams and paid for them, leaving me to buy icecreams for the girls.
Next day in-laws went out on their own. They came home just before DH got home, and announced that they had bought pasties for tea as they knew how difficult it was for us on a budget. Would have been nice if they had bought pasties for us as well! This was pretty much the pattern for the week.
Needless to say, I refused to have them to stay again

Artycrafts · 16/07/2023 21:16

VeraMay · 16/07/2023 21:04

I had a similar situation MIL & FIL came to stay. We were struggling financially at the time. I was looking after neighbour's daughter, age 3, as well as my daughter. Took the in-laws out, with the girls, in the car at my expense, I even paid for parking. In-laws spotted the icecream van and asked if we would like one. Of course we would. I must admit to being surprised that the tight wads should be asking if we wanted an icecream. I assumed that they meant they would buy one for each of us. In-laws ask for their icecreams and paid for them, leaving me to buy icecreams for the girls.
Next day in-laws went out on their own. They came home just before DH got home, and announced that they had bought pasties for tea as they knew how difficult it was for us on a budget. Would have been nice if they had bought pasties for us as well! This was pretty much the pattern for the week.
Needless to say, I refused to have them to stay again

Wow...some people really are so stuck into their own worlds, they don't even see what's in front of them. Shocking behaviour.

SpaceCorpsDirective1742 · 16/07/2023 22:14

So your boyfriend recognised at the time that it was a bit awkward.

Why did he not pipe up, "thanks but I'll buy ours" then?