My boyfriends family member paid for everyone’s ice cream, AIBU for being upset that bf didn’t say anything

[Redrose28]

I hope this doesn’t seem too petty. I went out with my boyfriend , his sister and her boyfriend. We had ice creams. My boyfriends sisters boyfriend told my boyfriend he’ll pay for him and his girlfriends ice cream whilst waiting in line. I had to pay for my own ice cream. I felt quite awkward. I by no means want a hand out, but this felt quite rude. I felt upset that my boyfriend didn’t say that he’d pay for us to stand up for me abit. I know I would stood up for him in that position. AIBU?

It’s not about being a bloke. I’m a woman and last year I was out with two 70+ people and three 20 yos. I bought ice cream for everyone by way of thanking the 70 yos for doing me a favour. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to leave anyone out.

It's odd but we have no idea of the guys reason for doing this.

What we do know is that your boyfriend should have addressed the situation by saying that he would pay for his and yours.

Then there could have been a discussion between you and your boyfriend as to whether you would go halves or accept his offer.

The fact he didn't say anything would piss me off more than the sisters boyfriends behaviour.

I think you just refuse to go out with them again- ‘you put me too many awkward
situations wiht them so no thanks’

I would definitely bring it up with your boyfriend, and it's not about the money, it's about him having your back and having consideration for you. A lack of consideration for your partner is a massive, massive red flag. If this is a one off, fine, but if it's a pattern of behaviour, you have a problem. You're supposed to be a team.

I’d never ever get food for myself and others and leave one person out, I’m blushing at the thought.
I knew as a child that was out of order though.

I think if your boyfriend can’t afford to buy you an icecream/ didn’t want to buy you one, I’d be dumping him.

That would seem deliberately rude to me. If need just paid for his own and his girlfriend's I expect you would have not batted an eyelid and you and your BF would have sorted the other two between you. But leaving out one person is really unpleasant. He might as still have said "you aren't one of us".

Someone did similar to me once and I remember feeling shocked, then confused, then hurt and embarrassed. It felt like he'd done it to make a point and wanted everyone to notice.

It's not the payment, it's the exclusion which is the issue.

Bit embarrassing. But also just an ice cream.

Does it matter?

It's not about the ice cream. 🤦

I'd be asking your bf just in conversation if he knew what the hell happened.

Sisters bf should really have just got his and gf or got all 4. Very weird if you're all stood in the queue.
Could be innocent enough - sisters bf owed your bf a couple of quid and paid back in ice cream or something like that. Equally, if they're young they might be a little immature yet to know social niceties

What an odd thing to do. I wouldn't give a shit about paying for my own ice cream and I wouldn't be hurt or upset, I'd just think he was really weird! I'd have bought myself a massive double scoop flake one and sat on my own 🤣

They are in their 20's. Unless they were raised by wolves, there is no excuse for rudeness like this, and the op's boyfriend should definitely have rectified this immediately.

Ask your bf calmy what he thinks of the situation. What will he do next time if it happens again? Let him come up with the solution.

I would have felt awkward too. To buy for everyone bar one person is rude. I certainly wouldn't want to go anywhere again with him that involved paying for something. Equally your boyfriend should have declined the offer and bought his and yours as a way of showing him you don't exclude someone

I find that really rude OP. He should have just got his and gfs or offered to get everyone’s. I’d never leave just one person out! We either offer to get something for everyone when with other couples or each couple sorts it between themselves. I also don’t think I’d really want to hang out with them again but I’d tell boyfriend you’re just busy lol! I would gently ask why he didn’t think it was weird that you were the only one left out or why it thinks that happened? Because it is shitty of them, all of them.

What do you think, Einstein?

Really weird. Looks really cheap/petty to buy 3 out of 4 ice creams.

Your boyfriend should have said no thanks we will get ours. But it is very odd and unexpected i wouldnt be upset he didnt say much so long as when discussing later he agreed it was odd/rude and plan if it happens again.

My boyfriend thanked me for paying for mine as the situation was abit awkward. Do you guys think I should bring it up with my bf or leave it?

What has your bf said about it beyond thanking you? Did he thank you for just doing it and not making a scene? What the other boyfriend did was rude as hell but it might have taken your bf by surprise and he didn't really appreciate what the other one was doing.

I think what matters here is your bf's reaction and what he's going to do if it happens again.

Was yours more expensive?

I’d say to your boyfriend that it was really weird behaviour, that you didn’t mind paying for your own ice cream but it was the fact you were left out and your bf didn’t stick up for you that was upsetting. Your BF should have just said ‘no thanks I’m getting mine and xx’s ice cream’ Could have all been avoided.

Very odd of him - and a bit petty. If you’re going to go out together aa couples in the future, it would’ve all come out “in the wash” - ie you’d have bought him a coffee another time or whatever.

I'd probably say to my boyfriend "that was a bit weird wasn't it?" and leave it at that. What matters is how your boyfriend behaves. If the sister's boyfriend is a weirdo or has a set against you, then you can just ignore him/not socialise much with him. I'd be mortified if I were the sister. Like someone said (meaning something entirely different) it's just an icecream - why wouldn't he just pay for everyone in the group or himself and his girlfriend rather than 2/3 of the group, excluding one person.

Probably your boyfriend should have said "ah no thanks redrose and I will buy our own" but he was probably caught on the hop by such a strange thing.

Me too..

If I was the OP and everyone stayed paired up, 35 years from now, he would always be the tight fisted knobhead who didn't include me..The boyfriend should have stepped up to be fair..

Mind you, I carry a grievance. Still annoyed with an early boyfriend who bought himself lots of chocolate and crisps and ate them all in front of me.

I wasn't dieting.

It was 1984 😂

Sounds like your bf doesn't understand social norms.