My boyfriends family member paid for everyone’s ice cream, AIBU for being upset that bf didn’t say anything

[Redrose28]

I hope this doesn’t seem too petty. I went out with my boyfriend , his sister and her boyfriend. We had ice creams. My boyfriends sisters boyfriend told my boyfriend he’ll pay for him and his girlfriends ice cream whilst waiting in line. I had to pay for my own ice cream. I felt quite awkward. I by no means want a hand out, but this felt quite rude. I felt upset that my boyfriend didn’t say that he’d pay for us to stand up for me abit. I know I would stood up for him in that position. AIBU?

Do you think his sister would have given him grief for buying another woman an ice cream?

My boyfriend hasn’t mentioned it since it happened and I don’t think he will. I would like to ask him how he would react if it happened again, but I don’t want it to seem like I’m being negative or that I dislike sisters boyfriend. Apart from that he seemed a decent guy

How long have you been together?

Is it possible the guy owed your boyfriend because he’d previously bought him something, so he was paying back by buying the ice cream? Obv still awkward but he might just have been thoughtless about how it came over.

That's really odd. I wouldn't have expected anyone to pay for me but I definitely would feel aggrieved being left out. That's such a socially awkward thing to do.

That was incredibly rude of all three of the others. If his brother couldn't pay for you that he shouldn't have paid for your boyfriend either. If he wasn't going to pay for you than your boyfriend should've paid for both of you or suggested you went halves. The brother's girlfriend should have nudged her boyfriend to make him include you.

The odd thing is that it's unusual for the brother in that situation to pay for everyone anyway. It's more likely to be two sets of couples who sort themselves out.

It all depends on how you bring it up. Just calmly say it was a nice day out etc and you liked the company, but a bit puzzled about the ice cream situation, what do you think about it..? See what he says.

"Do you think his sister would have given him grief for buying another woman an ice cream?"

Eh??? We're talking about buying ice creams as part of a round, not the sister's boyfriend riding OP on the bonnet of the Mr Whippy van.

Thoughtless of the man buying the ice creams not to buy you one, can almost see his reasoning that he doesn't have a relationship to you, but it's a mean thing to do.
Your boyfriend presumably has similar reasoning to his friend, but again thoughtless to not have the empathy to understand that it's not nice to be left out of something.
I would write it off as being young and head up arse really. Although I recognise that not all young people are like this. I would spell it out to your partner that you felt uncomfortable with what happened, so he knows what you expect him to do going forward.

Strange to leave one person out but at same time I woiuldn’t expect my boyfriend to buy mine either, as I am capable of buying my own.
i would if going out with them again say to boyfriend shall we just stick to getting our own things today as bit weird leaving one out

😀

I would like to ask him how he would react if it happened again, but I don’t want it to seem like I’m being negative or that I dislike sisters boyfriend.

I think that's a bullet you have to bite. Otherwise you're going to be wondering what your bf thinks of it, if he sees nothing wrong then I'd be wary of him. Or if you go out with the other two again you'll be wondering what will happen, will there be a repeat.

Whether he meant it that way or not, what the other bf did was extremely rude. I don't think you'd be at all unreasonable to talk about it.

I would spell it out to your partner that you felt uncomfortable with what happened, so he knows what you expect him to do going forward.

Yeah I’d want to get his honest thoughts about it, he is 26 after all..Better sooner than later. It would be a red flag if he made excuses for his brother and not seeing your side of it. Because you are not wrong.

I know. So start a post about being left out in general and don’t make it about ice cream. When people use props as ways to defend/reinforce their feelings they need to look a bit deeper.

Very odd thing to do! I did this by accident once, just miscounted and I was mortified and went straight back to get the other person one (it was cans of pop not ice creams but that's by the by). With only four people though it couldn't have been an accident-perhaps if he's immature for his age he just doesn't understand social etiquette? If I was his gf OR your boyfriend I'd have said something. Your boyfriend definitely should have said he'd get yours. I'd bring it up with him-it is a small thing now, but it is part of a bigger picture IMO.

Do you think it might have been a (very poor) attempt at 'impressing' his girlfriend, or getting in her brother's good books, by offering to pay for his order as well?

It definitely is rude and your boyfriend should have declined, but maybe he felt awkward too and didn't quite know how to handle the situation.

I would gently bring it up and say you're reluctant to go out with them again as you don't want another awkward situation like that.

Did you line up at van, a kiosk or was it in a palour? What flavours did everyone have?
No, honestly that's petty and hurtful, although I'd make a concession for age.

You should talk to him about this. Ignoring an issue that bothers you is how people end up in unsuitable relationships for far longer than they should have been. MN has perfect examples of that every day.

Ffs, stop it. Op is 22 and is starting out her life. She clearly understands this is not about ice cream, or she would not have asked. Your post says a lot more about your small mind than op’s.

You could bring it up casually and see what he says - “how come sister’s bf bought you your ice cream? Did he owe you?”

YANBU, the issue here is you were singled out.

The boyfriend should have just paid for himself or for himself and his girlfriend.

Your boyfriend should have said don’t worry about me, me and Redrose will get our own.

Look on the bright side - you now never have to pay for a drink or anything for the sister and her boyfriend again.

I wouldn't say anything...I'd wait until we'd all gone out for a meal and then pay for everyone except the tight arse.

I still nurse an old grievance about a time I drove 300 miles to meet up with a newish boyfriend I’d met on holiday. I paid for lunch for both of us, then as we came out of the restaurant we spotted an ice cream van, so I suggested we get an ice cream. Boyfriend bought himself an ice cream, leaving me standing there, ice cream-less, and a bit shocked. Even the ice cream man said “Looks like you’re buying your own, love!”

I dumped the tight fucker.

I am not trolling any more than you are.