My boyfriends family member paid for everyone’s ice cream, AIBU for being upset that bf didn’t say anything

[Redrose28]

I hope this doesn’t seem too petty. I went out with my boyfriend , his sister and her boyfriend. We had ice creams. My boyfriends sisters boyfriend told my boyfriend he’ll pay for him and his girlfriends ice cream whilst waiting in line. I had to pay for my own ice cream. I felt quite awkward. I by no means want a hand out, but this felt quite rude. I felt upset that my boyfriend didn’t say that he’d pay for us to stand up for me abit. I know I would stood up for him in that position. AIBU?

I think as your BF acknowledged the awkwardness and thanked you for not making a fuss at the time I'd move on - just ask him to reassure you that he will have your back next time. It's good that he sees the situation as you do. What a dick the other chap is!

Rounds of drinks are different because everyone ends up buying one. I don’t imagine they all bought a round of ice cream did they.

Ignorant, all round. I would be questioning your boyfriend's loyalty. It doesn't matter that it might seem petty, it's what it represents.

It is a bit rude, but maybe he thinks you never buy anything? Do you offer? Perhaps make a point of buying a round for everyone, and see if it changes what he does. If he still behaves the same, then I would just go without and see if boyfriend will offer. If he doesn't offer, then he's not very nice is he?

It’s not passive aggressive at all! Passive aggressive would be repeating the behaviour of the sister’s boyfriend. What I’ve suggested it straightforward, clear, no game playing. Forgetting it won’t help as this could establish a long term dynamic and OP would do well to set boundaries now.

Your boyfriend should have said "no it's ok I'll get my own". Whether he then paid for his own and you your own or one or the other of you paid for both is irrelevant, but he should have declined the offer on the basis you were excluded.

The fact he had the balls to do it suggests he is that ignorant he didn't even see it as a problem. When it is done back on him, the penny drops.

That’s not my point but whatever

YANBU. Even if the boyfriend doesn't know you, what better way to make you feel welcome than with a nice gesture? I don't like people being left out and am often the one trying to get everyone included because it feels terrible to feel isolated in a crowd. Maybe he didn't think you were ordering anything? I don't know.

I don’t think you should bring it up now as it will sound really petty and you risk looking unreasonable. Yes it was odd but I would just see if similar happens again and be ready to speak up.

I am really confused by this. You say it was your sisters bf that paid for your bf and your sister but not you? Why is it then your bfs responsibility to have intervened? surely you know your sister and her bf better so should be annoyed with them? Your bf was probably a bit confused by the whole thing and probably has no understanding of the dynamics between your sister and her bf. Do you normally get on with your sisters bf?

You are confused because you have read it wrong. It is her boyfriend's sister.

Your boyfriend should not have thanked you he should have paid for your ice cream and it would have made a point to the sisters very rude dick head boyfriend who if he couldn't afford four should just have bought two, but it's not about the money is it.

I think I would of said 'it's ok I will get mine and boyfriend's if you can't afford all 4' but I am petty 🤣

You’re saying she was excluded but I don’t really think it’s the case the sisters boyfriend excluded her on purpose. Comparing it to a round of drinks isn’t equivalent because everyone would end up buying something. The sister and her boyfriend sound young, so he probably just didn’t think to buy a (probs) stranger an ice cream.

That's not what she said in her second update: To confirm, my sisters boyfriend paid for everyone except me

They were all rude and you must have felt so left out of the group. It's not about the ice cream or the payment in itself. You could make it clear to your BF that you are not keen on meeting up with his sister and her boyfriend again and see how your BF reacts.

Although I am confused OP about whether the sister is yours or your BFs as you've said both.

What did the sisters bf say to your bf?

Maybe he said “I’ll get your ice cream too!”
and your boyfriend just assumed he meant his AND yours!

Then when sisters bf only ordered 3 icecreams your boyfriend was maybe surprised and didn’t know what to say?

Me too and to me that is important because if it was my sisters bf I would be annoyed with sister and her bf but if it was my bfs sister's bf I would be annoyed with my bf

My suggestion is to never all go food shopping together , it could end up in a riot in the supermarket .

Dulra exactly.

Your boyfriend should have brought it up with you, to tell you how awful that was and how he’s very very sorry he didn’t step in.

Her boyfriend did acknowledge it.

OP you need to confirm who’s sister it was because that changes everything

Honestly, I'd think it was funny. I'd assume the sister's bf was trying to get into her brother's good books.
Presumably you were going to pay for your own ice cream anyway so you weren't any worse off.