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AIBU?

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Original poster

To send kids to day boarding?

202 replies

Wantoncookie · 01/07/2023 20:29

I work a very high pressured job in the city (often 7am-8/9pm) OH is similar albeit he finishes at 6pm usually. I’ve shopped around and noticed there are a few schools that offer day boarding rather than over night boarding and really feel this would work for our family. DM is saying I’m a bad parent and this is not the answer etc aibu to be considering this 🫤

OP posts:
ScarlettDarling · 01/07/2023 20:30

What is day boarding? Surely boarding means you stay overnight?

Sapphire387 · 01/07/2023 20:31

ScarlettDarling · 01/07/2023 20:30

What is day boarding? Surely boarding means you stay overnight?

Ha - I was just typing this. Is it like, breakfast club and after school club?

1992H · 01/07/2023 20:33

Unsure what day boarding is-but with the hours you both work if funds aren’t an option would week/flexi boarding not be better? You can’t be having much time in an evening with them, & maybe if they stayed Monday-Friday you could swap around work hours to pick them up at say 4pm on the Friday and have more quality time together?

CherryLipgloss · 01/07/2023 20:34

Yes, there are day boarders at my DC's school, they are at school 7am to 7pm (not my DC - they're normal day pupils). They have supper and are supervised to do their homework. I don't see the problem really, if you both work long hours then it's a practical solution.

PurpleParadise · 01/07/2023 20:36

Sounds sensible. I didn’t realise this was an option but it would certainly make sense for parents working long shifts.

TooBored1 · 01/07/2023 20:36

Isn't it just wrap around care made to sound posh?

TomatoSandwiches · 01/07/2023 20:37

It's a completely reasonable option imo.

ProfessorXtra · 01/07/2023 20:38

I mean I used breakfast and after school club. Loads of parents do.

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 01/07/2023 20:39

Around here boarders have longer school holidays so might be worth looking into

CherryLipgloss · 01/07/2023 20:40

The difference compared to wraparound care (at my DC's school anyway) is that you apply to the school as a day boarder rather than a day pupil and go through a different admissions process. And it's every single day - you can't pick and choose some days.

Bobbybobbins · 01/07/2023 20:41

Would a nanny be another option so they can be at home? Otherwise day boarding sounds ok just might be tiring to travel home later in the winter.

ProfessorXtra · 01/07/2023 20:42

CherryLipgloss · 01/07/2023 20:40

The difference compared to wraparound care (at my DC's school anyway) is that you apply to the school as a day boarder rather than a day pupil and go through a different admissions process. And it's every single day - you can't pick and choose some days.

But Op isn’t talking about the admissions process. She is talking about wether it would make her a bad parent.

In practice it’s the same. Ds was in breakfast club and after school club. Every day. I couldn’t pick and choose his days either.

SnackSizeRaisin · 01/07/2023 20:43

Depends how old the children are but I think I'd make the effort for one parent to be home with the children in the evening most days. Do you really need that much money? Or would time with your children be more beneficial? Unless you're on the breadline I don't know why anyone would work these hours with children.

Doggymummar · 01/07/2023 20:43

How do you manage now, other than the cost what's the difference for you all?

CurlewKate · 01/07/2023 20:45

Unless you live next door to the school 7-7 would make an incredibly long day.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/07/2023 20:45

I’m a bit unclear what day boarding is too - just longer hours wraparound care?

pointij · 01/07/2023 20:46

There are pros and cons. It's a great all-in-one solution, and works well if you have full-on careers. We're considering it for DD as there are a few options with a good school bus service that would stop near us. They do have fantastic facilities, including own pool and riding and huge grounds - things we'd never find in a day schools where we are in London (well the pool maybe). And amazing extracurricular options, all on-site.

A few concerns for me would be that they are quite far, the bus takes them door to door but it's quite a pain to get to for me if I had to get there. Might not be the case for yours, although boarding schools generally do tend to be fairly rural. And the ones we looked at fully expected the dcs to do all extracurriculars there, most days after school - which would suit OP but not sure if we'd like it. Our dc's do some classes elsewhere and might want to continue at secondary level. I quite like that she has a lovely diverse group of friends away from her prep school, so she mixes with a wide range of children, from other preps and also state primaries. At a day boarding school it would be very much a bubble where all your socialising was within the school, and I'm not sure I'd like that. I think she'd also become more streetwise and urban if she went to a local day school (probably by tube) than being bussed out of the city every day - which is something I'd value, but other parents might not.

CherryLipgloss · 01/07/2023 20:47

ProfessorXtra · 01/07/2023 20:42

But Op isn’t talking about the admissions process. She is talking about wether it would make her a bad parent.

In practice it’s the same. Ds was in breakfast club and after school club. Every day. I couldn’t pick and choose his days either.

Show quote history

I know, I'm just replying to the other posters who asked if this is the same thing as wraparound care.

Terryer · 01/07/2023 20:48

A day boarder at my dds school is a flexible boarder - ie you have a bed but only spend one or two nights a week there.

TakeMe2Insanity · 01/07/2023 20:49

Surely the better option is weekly boarding?

OMG12 · 01/07/2023 20:50

Tbh I’m with your mother on this. If you start work at 7am what time are you going to drop your kids off? What time will they have to get up. If DH picks them up at say 7 your poor kids are going to be out the house 14 hours and probably fucking knackered.

I would think they would be better off boarding permanently.

how old are they? Could one of you cut hours? Staggered hours so one of you can drop off at 8 and the other collect at say 5:30? What about after school clubs? Chill out time,

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 01/07/2023 20:50

Day-boarding isn't really any different to wrap-around care.

When I was at school, it was 7am-7pm care and included breakfast and dinner, plus a space to do your homework (or you could attend clubs). I was a "day boarder" for a while and it was absolutely fine. I got everything done at school so even though I was late home, I had my entire evening free to do what I wanted.

beattieedny · 01/07/2023 20:55

Why did you bother having children if you can't make a few sacrifices to spend time with them? They'll probably resent it when they are older. My parents sent me to boarding school, home most weekends, and it was grim. We go without lots of things and my children have a state education, but at least they get our attention.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 01/07/2023 20:57

beattieedny · 01/07/2023 20:55

Why did you bother having children if you can't make a few sacrifices to spend time with them? They'll probably resent it when they are older. My parents sent me to boarding school, home most weekends, and it was grim. We go without lots of things and my children have a state education, but at least they get our attention.

OP isn't talking about sending her children to boarding school.

Day-boarding is just a slightly longer version of wrap-around care. The children go home at the end of the day.

beattieedny · 01/07/2023 20:58

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 01/07/2023 20:57

OP isn't talking about sending her children to boarding school.

Day-boarding is just a slightly longer version of wrap-around care. The children go home at the end of the day.

Show quote history

Yes, I realise this. That is far too long to spend at school every day.