To send kids to day boarding?

[Wantoncookie]

I work a very high pressured job in the city (often 7am-8/9pm) OH is similar albeit he finishes at 6pm usually. I’ve shopped around and noticed there are a few schools that offer day boarding rather than over night boarding and really feel this would work for our family. DM is saying I’m a bad parent and this is not the answer etc aibu to be considering this 🫤

It's interesting how lots of you criticising day-boarding have no actual experience of it.

7-7 at school sounds frankly hellish

Most private schools will officially offer wrap around care from 8-6 - you often just have to ask. If you want longer then some schools can offer that too - you just make what is effectively a private childminding contract with the teacher responsible for the aftercare. So don’t get sucked into sales pitches or jargon

Not much understanding on this thread of different jobs and the fact that lots of jobs don’t give you the option of just cutting your hours.

OP, I think it depends on your kids. How old are they? How extrovert are they? I know my DD needs time alone to decompress at the end of the day. I was a weekly boarder and it can work well but one disadvantage of day boarding is that the kids may not have any space of their own (not even a dorm) so it’s full-on all the time. Would work for some and not others.

Is an after-school nanny an option?

I think the two questions which have come up on this thread, which are the most important and relevant to help us answer your question, are:

1. How old are your children
2. What's their opinion? How do they feel about day boarding?

The OP asked for opinions on whether never seeing her children in the week makes her a bad parent. I think it does. Others may disagree.

Some jobs need a lot of input yes. But one parent could get a different job.

That’s a fair comment and it obviously worked really well for you. And none of us know OP or her kids so… 🤷‍♀️

To be fair I did do a lot of activities as a kid and had something on most evenings. The only difference is I went home in between. Maybe I would have been ok with it as a child. I definitely wouldn’t as a parent though. I love being able to pick my kids up from school and hear about their day (though I do work part time so can’t do it every day). I like that it’s my husband or I who take them to their activities and that we sometimes get to join in e.g. with beavers and cubs. I value sitting down as a family to dinner. Bottom line, I like being involved in my kids’ lives and I’m glad my parents were involved in mine. Each to their own but I would really miss all that if my kids were at school until 7.

I agree, I don't know why some people even have children.

Actually she asked for opinions on sending her kids to school as day boarders.

Bottom line, I like being involved in my kids’ lives and I’m glad my parents were involved in mine.

My parents were still very much involved in my life. It's quite offensive of you to assume that they weren't due to their working hours.

We had amazing holidays together. We had every weekend together without one of them having to catch-up on work they'd missed in the week. We played board games and watched TV and had hot chocolate before bed. I had friends over at weekends, and went to parties, and talked to them about my day.

I also got to see my friends every night. As a younger kid we played, as a teen we got to hang out and talk or watch TV or even use the gym or go swimming. I got to do my homework supervised by a teacher and didn't have to take my work home. I had a great social life and met loads of kids I wouldn't have done as a day pupil.

No, she didn't.

She asked whether it was okay to send her kids to day boarding. And then loads of people with absolutely zero experience of day-boarding leapt on to tell her how awful she is.

God, I mean it's just a long day. Not prison.

Assuming we are talking about 7-7 and not a more normal 8-5.30 type of wraparound care, on these type of threads there's usually the odd person saying they loved spending extra time at school but most say they didn't like it and it's damaged relationships with parents etc.

It does depend on age of child, I'm sure that from 16 or maybe 14 it could be fine for many children.

I guess the only thing that really matters is whether these particular children would prefer it. If not, then the parents are prioritising their career over their children. Even a high powered surgeon should still put their own children before their patients. It's more difficult for a single parent, clearly, but op isn't in that position.

I guess the only thing that really matters is whether these particular children would prefer it. If not, then the parents are prioritising their career over their children.

Most children would prefer not to go to school, to eat chocolate for breakfast and to never have to do their homework. Unfortunately children don't always get what they want, or even what they prefer. That's life.

Even a high powered surgeon should still put their own children before their patients.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, you can't just walk out mid-surgery, or refuse to treat an emergency case because you'd prefer to pick your kids up from school at 5pm instead.

Some jobs require long hours and the vast majority of people can't just quit their jobs and find something else just because they have children.

How old are they?

A friends kid does this. She is picked up by school bus at 7 and dropped off by 7:30pm. It is a long day but she does lots of extracurricular stuff and is a lovely girl. Very well rounded.

It doesn’t sound great to me. Most children want to be with their parents and spend time with their families. Can you not just hire a nanny? So your kids can go home and rest and have some more free chill time?

It totally depends on the hours, which you haven't come back to clarify.

If you're proposing they're in school from 7am-7pm 5x week then yes, I do think YABU. Kids need their parents in their lives more than just the weekend. Their needs should be prioritised.

If it's 8.30-6pm 5x week then that's probably much more tolerable for a child and still gives them a few hours in the evening with dad.

Obviously that's just my opinion. If you feel your children will enjoy day boarding then that's what you should do.

What other people do is totally irrelevant.

I think it depends on the hours and the child.

A friends child does it at a very sporty private school and absolutely loves it, but they were out every single night at activities so all that happens now is that they don’t need to get the school bus home and then rush out for activities. They’re a child who likes being busy so it really suits them.

My DS would have thrived in the pre and after school bit, but would have hated the sports focus. My Dd is a homebody and would have hated it full stop.

So it doesn’t really matter what anyone else would do, it’s only important what works for your child and family

I went to a full boarding school and didn’t go home for month(s) on end ( so did my three siblings) and we all loved it.

we had weekly boarders at school and they never got into the same clubs/groups/activities etc that we did as full-time.

The term ‘day-boarding’ doesn’t sit right with me at all - that’s not boarding - that’s extended days in school and could be hell, or excellent - depending on the school/teachers/masters/facilites/groups and of course the kids themselves. Some ‘proper’ boarders that we spent time with absolutely hated it (from 7yo and then 11+ or 13+ - depending on when they arrived from previous schools/prep schools) and it was nothing short of cruel for them - the other 95% adored it and set us up for life (waiting for the negative comments now).

I think it depends how old your kids are.

@Appleblossompetal 6 and 10

I also got to see my friends every night. As a younger kid we played, as a teen we got to hang out and talk or watch TV or even use the gym or go swimming. I got to do my homework supervised by a teacher and didn't have to take my work home. I had a great social life and met loads of kids I wouldn't have done as a day pupil

Reading this I reckon my older two DS would have/ would love it. Both very sporty, sociable types, DS2 16 would have the advantage of doing HW without me twisting his arm/ niggling. But he's at state, so no debate here, but I can see how it would work for him. DS3 no way it depends on your DC OP.

I think they're too young, especially the 6 yo, but you know them best.

Plenty of kids have to go to wrap around care , it's only a few extra hours a day than the usual 8-6 by the sounds of it and its not like they won't get time there to play and stuff