To send kids to day boarding?

[Wantoncookie]

I work a very high pressured job in the city (often 7am-8/9pm) OH is similar albeit he finishes at 6pm usually. I’ve shopped around and noticed there are a few schools that offer day boarding rather than over night boarding and really feel this would work for our family. DM is saying I’m a bad parent and this is not the answer etc aibu to be considering this 🫤

@beattieedny I agree, if you aren't in a position where you have no choice but to work long hours to survive, why wouldn't you choose time with your children when they're young. Or at least someone to care for them in their own home.

Fgs.

You work 7am -8/9pm, so when do you see your children? This is a genuine question.

if you are honest with yourself did you see them very much when small I.e 5/6/7 years old because surely they were in bed when you got home? What have you been doing until now regarding childcare.

I don’t say it to be unkind but why have children if you aren’t present for them? You must only really see them at the weekend and that’s if you aren’t doing any extra work then.

I think you need a long hard look at priorities in the family and what you are modelling to your children. If your husband is home by 6 surely he picks them up every day?

if I were in your situation I would hire a nanny/2 nannies to provide with full care your children need in their own home by consistent child centred adults rather than sending them to school for longer each day.

That's exactly what I was going to say!

Well, not everyone can get jobs that enable them to be home with their kids by 5pm every night, unfortunately.

I actually quite enjoyed it as a day-boarder, it was kind of the best of both worlds in some ways. I got to see my friends everyday and never had to sit at home doing homework - when my parents picked me up I had the whole evening to do whatever I wanted - I did out-of-school clubs, saw local friends (in summer), did hobbies or just spent time with my parents.

I recall one of my favourite bits was being able to have dessert every night - my parents would never have allowed that at home

We don't all have the same lives. Some jobs need that much input. Stop being so judgemental.

Lol, the op is clearly earning enough for fee paying school for two, and both have high powered jobs. This isn't two parents struggling to make ends meet. That is entirely different.

As for "stop being judgemental", the op has asked us to judge. This is not unsolicited.

I’m inclined to agree with your Mum.

Your entire evening?! Not much of it left when you don’t finish school until 7pm! I used to work shifts 7-7:30 and even as an adult never felt there was much evening left by the time I got home. Weren’t you tired after such a long day?

Depends how old they are tbh.

Well, I doubt my parents' patients (and their families) would have been particularly impressed if they'd just walked out of the hospital to collect me at 5 o'clock every night

Standard mumsnet. Someone posts asking for opinions. People offer opinions. People get slated for offering opinions. 🤦‍♀️

Sounds like a solution that would work well for older children (age 10+), any younger I'm not sure.

Tbh I'm quite worried about you working 7am-9pm- that's not a life style you can maintain forever. Be careful you don't burn out- life needs to be about balance.

This particular instance isn't about you though.

It sounds exhausting to be honest!

A 16 to 18 yr old might find it helpful if they have to train for a sport at school each evening or do evening music practice daily at school etc... as I guess this option gives them a chance to fit the homework in and eat dinner etc... around their after school sport/music commitments.

But an 11 to 13 yr old I think would simply be knackered!! Even kids with lots of after-school activities need the down time and off-steam button of just seeing mum/dad, and feeling relaxed in their own surroundings for a bit each day...

My son finds a 9 til 3:15 school day exhausting! He'd not be best pleased with a 7 til 7 day!!!

Parents who use wrap-around care are not bad parents, how ridiculous.

It's not longer than children dropped at a child-minder, then dropped at breakfast club or school, then staying at after school club, then picked up again by child-minder.

Unless you also use a nanny or an au-pair to bring them home slightly earlier, but as long as the diner choices at school doesn't make them miserable, they will be fine. They still go home and see you everyday and have down-time before bed.

Can one of you not reduce your hours?

I think paying for wrap around care/nursery fees is often an unfortunate necessity but it seems silly that you’re paying out for day boarding when it’ll probably work out cheaper to drop a couple hours a day.

I think day boarding is an excellent solution, because they get them to do their homework! Far better than getting someone else after.school to pick them up, give them tea etc.

I think it depends on the balance of the school and your children's friends. If their friends are mostly day boarders, it would make sense. If they're mostly full boarders, it might make more sense for them to become full boarders. Either way, it's fine.

It's not like I was in lessons/studying for an extra four hours a night - I finished school at the normal time (3.15) had a snack, followed by free play for an hour, then a choice of clubs or homework for 90 minutes, then dinner. My parents could come and collect me at any point.

I wasn't really tired, no. I loved it. I got to see my friends after school everyday, I did a whole load of clubs, got my homework done and had the rest of my evening free. I didn't go to bed until 9pm at the earliest so I had plenty of time at home still.

Are you working 7-9 most days?

That’s insane and just not sustainable when you have kids (or even if you didn’t tbh).

As a PP said you are going to burn out.

How old are the children? At least there would be continuity and you wouldn’t be at risk of not getting a space in an after school club, but it doesn’t sound like a brilliant deal for the kids

If you can afford it, would it be better to have them board? Might be easier for them than being collected late, coming home and winding down quickly and g
Then going back to school?

It's a long day for everyone. Maybe just consider if it's better for them to finish learning/school, doing agree school and then being able to relax from 6pm7pm rather than travelling home, chatting to parents, unpacking and replacing? Might not be what you want but the right thing for them may not be what you would prefer?

When you say it would work for your family, what you mean is it would work for your and your partner. How do your kids feel about this? Have you asked them? It does seem like a reasonable solution if the two of you are intent on prioritising your careers.

I can’t say whether your mum is right to call you a bad parent but you are certainly an absent one on your working days. Maybe you are supermum at the weekends to make up for it. But then when do you get any downtime? I echo the concerns of a pp, working those hours you need to be mindful of burnout. You have a gruelling schedule that will surely take its toll. And now you are considering imposing a similar schedule on your kids. The fact you have started this thread shows you have some doubts. Is this really the lifestyle you want for your family?