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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Left out of family holiday

356 replies

Nmum21 · 24/06/2023 08:13

My parents are away in Greece having booked earlier in the year - originally just for themselves. However since booking they have now invited all of my siblings (x3) plus a partner. We were not invited.

We have two children and I feel like they didn’t want us there. I hate to feel like I’m an inconvenience or not wanted because of the kids.

I get they probably want a child free holiday, but think it was quite thoughtless to invite everyone else in the family except for us. I can’t help feeling hurt about it.

To top it off they are now posting pictures and posts of their wonderful holiday.

Am I being unfair to feel this way?

OP posts:
SD1978 · 25/06/2023 20:44

Not having a conversation with you in advance that they wanted an adult o my break is a bit crap- having children around would change the dynamic of an adult only group and some concessions would have to be made that they obviously didn't want to do. Not having that conversation is where they were unreasonable.

oggie679 · 25/06/2023 20:59

Proper dick move; I can't believe they did that, I'd call them out on it (& probably in their holiday pic comments), but I'm petty 🤣

eldersis · 25/06/2023 21:06

Hit the unfollow button ! Its a very awkward situation but the best thing for YOU is to stop constant triggers. THAT SAID. If they challenge you why not say " I wasnt invited, it hurt, so I stopped having to see" END OF let them think about it and reach out to you .

STOP worrying and DECIDE what you like AND stick to your guns.
I am in the opposite position . I am the last surviving GREAT Aunt. I am invited to not only 1st birthdays, but 6 month, first tooth, first standing celebrations etc etc

I have NO kids,but over 25 great nehews and nieces I have to DECLINE invites several times a month. Dammed if you have kids, dammed if you dont.

Macinae · 25/06/2023 21:10

I don't think it's right to exclude one child and invite your other three. I get wanting a child free holiday but it's their grandchildren. Unless you regularly palm your kids off on your parents then it's still a holiday for them. I'm sure you wouldn't all be together the entire holiday so it's not like the kids would be there every hour of the holiday. I just can't imagine my parents excluding one of their children.

NickyT64 · 25/06/2023 21:11

Maybe as so many are saying in here, everyone wanted a more relaxed holiday, child-free BUT they should have told you, not wait till you discover the hard way.

Hoppysue · 25/06/2023 21:37

How old are your children? If they are school age maybe your family just presumed you wouldn’t be able to go?

Zanatdy · 25/06/2023 21:40

I get why you’re excluded, it does change the dynamic and yes they are your children but doesn’t mean everyone’s holiday should be changed by inviting you along, as it would be as having children on a holiday changes the vibe and everything else. Don’t take offence, if you didn’t have children but a sibling did, it would be them left out.

AngelinaFibres · 25/06/2023 22:00

Nmum21 · 24/06/2023 08:39

So originally it was just my parents. My sisters got added on a few weeks later. And after a visit to my brother they also added him and his partner. I knew they were going.

The thing is I totally understand they wanted a child free holiday not that they would ever admit it and maybe that has made it worse.

It just hurts to be the only one out of my siblings not to be included and I cannot shake that feeling especially when I see the pictures and posts of them all having such an amazing holiday without us.

If the shoe was on the other foot I would never not invite someone because they had children. So perhaps that’s why I’m feeling strongly about it. But I know everyone is different.

Show quote history

The thing is that you are up to your ears in children stuff at the moment. You are totally used to everything running to their timetable because you are totally embedded in it. I was a single parent and worked fulltime when they were both at school. It was a hard slog. They are adults now and married . One son and DIL have a little boy. I adore my grandson ( look after him at least one day a week) but a holiday with him would be a totally different holiday to a child free one. He gets up at 6 and he's on the go all day. He sleeps periodically and usually cries loudly for the 5 minutes or so before he gives in and sleeps. If I wanted a holiday where I was granny I would throw myself absolutely into it. If I wanted to sit by a pool,eat late,mooch about and relax I wouldn't include a child.

NicholaSE13 · 26/06/2023 09:39

6 and a refund please no problem

MandyFriend · 26/06/2023 17:29

I think you are perfectly entitled to your feelings and I think I would feel the same way. This is not some group of random friends who have excluded you, but your entire close family! Did they even give you the opportunity to join them without the kids? I sincerely hope there was no deliberate intent on behalf of your parents and siblings to upset you, although they have been incredibly thoughtless in how they have (not) handled leaving you out of the extended family holiday.
I would try my best to not look at their holiday posts and pictures as you're only going to become more and more upset/bitter/angry. I really think you do need to have a chat with them when they get home, to let them know how upset you are feeling.

Poppyfun1 · 27/06/2023 10:15

this is unbelievably hurtful. I hope your ok

Northernladdette · 27/06/2023 10:37

Tessabelle74 · 25/06/2023 18:00

My step mum is amazing, she's not the problem, my Dad is. Anything we do en masse is because of her, she agrees to it, my Dad makes excuses. Everything we've ever done together is at my request and organised by me so I don't do it any more, he should WANT to do stuff with us, not be guilt tripped into it by his wife.

Show quote history

She sounds like an amazing woman x

Northernladdette · 27/06/2023 10:41

Where is OP? Unless I’ve missed it, has she told us the ages of the children, is the holiday term time, are the children feral? Can OP afford the holiday?
I would be upset, family is family including the grandchildren. I would questioned it as soon as I found out.

lieselotte · 27/06/2023 10:51

Agree it's the lack of communication rather than the child-free trip - I'd not want to go on holiday with other peoples' children either - and that includes relatives. Grandparents are allowed to have holidays without grandchildren in tow as well.

If they are away now, it's term-time. Are your kids school-age?

HoppingPavlova · 27/06/2023 10:52

Have you asked? I would definitely be asking my parents how come eveyone else in the famiy was invited on a holiday but I wasn't

It’s been plainly stated. The OP’s parents were going on a child-free holiday. OP’s siblings don’t have children so we’re able to tag along. No point asking OP who has children if she wanted to go on their child free holiday. What is confusing about this?

OP, unless you genuinely believed your parents thought you would consider sending your kids somewhere else to be minded so you could go on the holiday, YABVU to think they needed to discuss it with you as what exactly would there have been to discuss?

Changes17 · 27/06/2023 10:53

Aren't the kids at school - and isn't that why they haven't invited you/them? They originally booked it for just the two of them outside school holidays from the sound of it and then it's kind of expanded. But it's still term time...

Maddy70 · 27/06/2023 10:55

It's an adult holiday. They booked it themselves. Then obviously conversations happened when your siblings booked in too. It could be an adult only resort.
Tbh my children are adults. I wouldn't want my brother coming with us with his younger children it's a different holiday altogether

billy1966 · 27/06/2023 11:04

Awful behaviour.

Particularly the lack of acknowledgement.

What is your relationship like generally?

Because it is hard to imagine that it is close and loving for them to have treated you so shabbily.

You have every reason to be very hurt.

workworkworkugh · 27/06/2023 11:06

HoppingPavlova · 27/06/2023 10:52

Have you asked? I would definitely be asking my parents how come eveyone else in the famiy was invited on a holiday but I wasn't

It’s been plainly stated. The OP’s parents were going on a child-free holiday. OP’s siblings don’t have children so we’re able to tag along. No point asking OP who has children if she wanted to go on their child free holiday. What is confusing about this?

OP, unless you genuinely believed your parents thought you would consider sending your kids somewhere else to be minded so you could go on the holiday, YABVU to think they needed to discuss it with you as what exactly would there have been to discuss?

But that's not for the parents to decide, that finding care is too hard so they won't ask, that's for OP to decide so she should have been given the option.
I believe OP has a DH that could be with the kids.

And if the siblings did tag along even if not invited initially, it should have mentioned to OP that plans have changed and would she like to join too.

Midli · 27/06/2023 11:07

My POV - it’s totally understandable for your family if all of them want to have a child-free holiday to go without you/not inviting you. Also no sure if answered previously but are they staying in a resort or holiday house ? It may have been that the resort is adults only or the holiday house is not insured for children. I don’t think you should taking it personally but if you are hurt maybe when they are back you can have a chat with them like “I understand you want a holiday without children but I would had appreciated to let me know in advance and I would had been ok with it”. I am sure they love your children but you can’t really tell them how they should spend their time off and money.

Monster80 · 27/06/2023 11:09

If you had the choice between a childfree holiday and one with children, which would you pick? Be honest now!

Jellifulfruit · 27/06/2023 11:14

Totally entitled to feel this way. Sending love. Hope you manage to get through it without too much mental health damage x

MegMez · 27/06/2023 11:17

Could they have assumed it would be too expensive? I don't know. It should've been at least discussed with you.

Harry12345 · 27/06/2023 11:21

God I’m so grateful for my family, can’t believe anyone thinks this is ok. We would never leave anyone out like that especially without it being discussed. Such a British attitude to be so anti children too

HealthyBBQ · 27/06/2023 11:24

That is really fucking shit.
Of course they can plan a child free holiday but the respectful thing would be to tell you and tell you they are all going. They didn’t tell you as they knew it was wrong. You now know where you sit and how they feel about you I’m sorry.
I have been on the end of this the other way with not having kids and excluded and it really fucking hurts and ruined a good relationship.

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