Left out of family holiday

[Nmum21]

My parents are away in Greece having booked earlier in the year - originally just for themselves. However since booking they have now invited all of my siblings (x3) plus a partner. We were not invited.

We have two children and I feel like they didn’t want us there. I hate to feel like I’m an inconvenience or not wanted because of the kids.

I get they probably want a child free holiday, but think it was quite thoughtless to invite everyone else in the family except for us. I can’t help feeling hurt about it.

To top it off they are now posting pictures and posts of their wonderful holiday.

Am I being unfair to feel this way?

Oh, and they might be grateful that at least one of their adult children (you), didn’t commandeer their holiday.

Yes sure 🙄

No never. Not holidaying with them has no effect our amazing relationship.

I don't think it matters about your children-surely a normal person will say 'we're thinking of going away but were hoping it would be more of an adult holiday? Is there anyone you could get to take the kids so you can join us?' Then the ball would have been in your court. Definitely talk to them about it when they get back and tell them you're hurt (first instinct was to kind of play games I suppose and send them a passive aggressive text or ignore them, but where does that get you really?) Hope you have an ok week op

I think the fact they did this and didn’t tell you or give you a reason why they didn’t invite you is nasty. I suspect they probably have done things to exclude you before but you never noticed. Honestly I would view it as an opportunity to go lower contact. If they complain about seeing the gc less just tell them straight that you assumed they didn’t want to considering you were the only one they didn’t invite to the holiday. You need to tell them how you feel - don’t bottle it up. It absolutely isn’t normal behaviour.

Absolutely.

Some of the family dynamics on here are so weird.

Op it's shit they didn't discuss it with you. Communication was key.

Who said 'ask permission'? And of course they can do what they like.

But a whole family trip except for one family, without mentioning it is unkind.

And the not mentioning was deliberate.

Dodged a bullet, couldn’t think of anything worse than holidaying with large family! Have a great time on your own holiday.

This! I'd totally understand the desire to be child free but I'd also expect an explanation and possibly the chance to organise a family break with them in the future.

My Dad is currently on a lovely family holiday, problem is it's not us he's on holiday with but his wife's kids and grandson. Granted they've been married 20 years but he's NEVER taken a holiday with me and my kids. It sucks, it hurts but it's not worth falling out about so I quietly seethe at the Facebook photos and move along

Have you ever invited him and “his wife” (there’s a whole history there isn’t there) to come on holiday with you. Who organises their holiday, his wife, or her children, or your dad? What about your mother, if still alive, does she come on holiday with you?

Maybe they just figured you wouldn’t be able to go as your kids would be in school.

My step mum is amazing, she's not the problem, my Dad is. Anything we do en masse is because of her, she agrees to it, my Dad makes excuses. Everything we've ever done together is at my request and organised by me so I don't do it any more, he should WANT to do stuff with us, not be guilt tripped into it by his wife.

I was left out of things for years, it was very hurtful.

I think this is an "it depends" situation. Do they visit you and the kids? Do they babysit or take the kids for a weekend here and there? Do they generally avoid you and the kids or is this just a one-time thing where they wanted a child free vacation?
And you know what, they may not have even invited your siblings. Maybe your siblings invited themselves? Do you know if that is what happened? Maybe it is less your parents not inviting you and more your parents not knowing how to say no. They could have just been visiting your siblings and talking about the upcoming trip and your siblings were all, "that sounds awesome, I want to go." The very fact that they were added in stages sort of points more towards this scenario than of your parents planning a trip and excluding you. Did they ever actually say that they didn't want you and the kids there or is it just an assumption?
Could they have just assumed that if you wanted to go as well, you would have said something like your siblings did?

YANBU. I have similar except it’s my siblings - 2 go on holiday and leave me out. It has significantly altered the relationship with my sibling closest in age so much so there’s rarely phone calls etc between us now. It’s a pity but it is just something I can’t get over. I used to get the family WhatsApp messages of “all of the family together”. I had to point out that it was in fact not!

Sorry you are going through this.
I had a similar thing happen to me. The year after my dad passed away my mum wanted to go and see dad's family in Ireland, I offered to take her. Then my sister stepped in and said she would take her. Before it was booked I became ill and my mum decided that yes it would be nice for us all to go together, my mum, me, my sister and her kids.
I had managed to make sure I could get time off work. As we had somewhere to stay all we needed was to book ferry. I kept saying let me know when you need money for fare. Then 2 weeks before we were due to leave I was told that there was no room for me as my cousin said she couldn't fit us all in to stay. Bearing in mind that this is an Irish family there are lots of cousins who would of course let me stay. Or I could of booked into a hostel. This was the last holiday my mum took before she passed away and I feel I was robbed of the memories

It's not really about you or your kids though is it?

Your parents booked a holiday, other family members have tagged along. Its not like you'd be able to go anyway, as your kids are presumably in school anyway, or possibly it's a type of holiday that your kids wouldn't enjoy.

My Dad and his wife often go on holiday with my brother and his family. I don't get invited because it's a watersports holiday and sounds like my idea of hell. I don't get upset about it, they're being thoughtful by knowing me well enough to know that this is something I wouldn't enjoy.

You presumably chose to have kids. One of the consequences of this is that you don't get invited on child free holidays. You can either take offence about it and spoil your relationship with your family, or you can just shrug and let it pass you by.

They should have spoken with you.

It also depends on the dynamic you have with your parents. You’re not someone are you that when you visit them, you sit back with a cup of tea and let them run around after them? Some parents with dcs if spending time with their parents will look on it as a rest, and allow the grandparents to take control of the ‘parenting’. My sister used to do this all the time. But I do think they should have just mentioned it to you beforehand, and explain they wanted a child free holiday. We all know how hard it is when on holiday with kids, so I’m not surprised they prefer to holiday without them if there’s a choice.

Why is everyone saying it was never mentioned? Op says she knew her parents had booked a holiday and when her siblings were invited/invited themselves.
Wasn’t a secret was it.

All the Op had to do was say something.

I would unfollow them at this point😪 Go low contact.

They should have given you the opportunity to find childcare for the children. But they don’t have to change their adult only holiday just because you feel left out. Maybe they could have just invited you

It’s never nice being left out of family events; but perhaps once everyone’s home you can have a quiet word with your parents & say you didn’t think it was going to affect you; but when you saw the photos you, felt a pang of hurt that your family had been excluded from what was essentially a family vacation & ask why weren’t we invited, they might say they wanted an adults only break then of course you’ll have to just suck it up but it might be they thought rightly or wrongly it would be out of your price range, you need to say something though because if you don’t it will eat away at you x

I'm so on the fence here - YANBU to feel upset but you must understand the difference the children make to a holiday.

I agree with @aperolspritzbasicbitch that they should have had a conversation with you about it and not just swanned off saying nothing.