Left out of family holiday

[Nmum21]

My parents are away in Greece having booked earlier in the year - originally just for themselves. However since booking they have now invited all of my siblings (x3) plus a partner. We were not invited.

We have two children and I feel like they didn’t want us there. I hate to feel like I’m an inconvenience or not wanted because of the kids.

I get they probably want a child free holiday, but think it was quite thoughtless to invite everyone else in the family except for us. I can’t help feeling hurt about it.

To top it off they are now posting pictures and posts of their wonderful holiday.

Am I being unfair to feel this way?

👏

This

If the shoe was on the other foot I would never not invite someone because they had children. So perhaps that’s why I’m feeling strongly about it. But I know everyone is different.

So you would choose to not holiday with other family at all ever or end up on a holiday with other people's dc even though you wanted a relaxing holiday? You do realise dc change holidays entirely don't you? It's not at all strange to want a child free holiday. Adult holidays and family holidays with dc are totally different. An alternative might have been to invite you but point out that you would have to accept that the others would be having the holiday they wanted which is a child-free holiday and would not be scheduling or planning activities revolved around dc so if you wanted to come you could but you'd be at times left out as they would be going to late night bars and adult only pools etc. they would be asking you to move if the dc we're making a lot of noise and you'd have to sit at the end of the table with your dc so the others could eat in peace. I suspect this would have upset you as well. They can't win really.

That’s really hurtful. If they wanted a child free holiday they should have explained that to you, not just invite everyone else and say nothing to you.

OP are your dc at school?

Seriously these entitled people who think that everyone should just invite them regardless of the fact they have kids drives me insane…I don’t want kids on my holiday..what don’t they get about that?

I absolutely disagree with this.

If they want a child free holiday, that’s what they want and they should be under no obligation to cave to inviting OP knowing her DC will come along as well.

Whether people want to admit it or not, children being present changes a holiday. And if that’s not what you want, it’s not what you want.

I do, however, think they should have discussed this with OP and explained their reasons.

She’s not a child.

I understand why you were hurt, I do but I think you’re being unreasonable. Why can’t they have a holiday in an adults only resort? Why should they have to change their plans for you?

You can take a holiday if you want to. You don’t need to wait for them to invite you or go along with them.

What a ludicrous statement.

Heaven forbid grandparents have a holiday without their grandchildren without the threat of removal of care because some people are so transactional with their love and affection that this mentality seems normal.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a holiday without all the incumbent restrictions that come with bringing children along.

Why do some people think that because they chose to have children that means everyone in their family has to adjust the things they want to include them in everything?

Why would that bother anyone?

You know other people’s childrens birthday parties are boring, right?

Depends on the grandparents. All the ones I know would be very offended to not be invited to a large party of a young preschool child.

But hopefully you do go on holiday with SD and the children too.

That comment hugely amused me. Apart from being utterly pathetic and childish in the “you can’t come to the party” vibe, it’s not like any adult would be devastated to miss a child’s birthday party, especially one that’s over the top with a bouncy castle etc. Err, yeah pp, that’ll show ‘em 😂

I just don’t understand what is the point of family if you don’t be at least try to accommodate everyone. Leaving people out is just mean. I cannot imagine leaving one of my children out and not even addressing it with them.

Yanbu

meanwhile my mil has planned a holiday for this summer and invited both of DH‘s
brothers and their families, but not us.
luckily I’m not bothered and we have our own plans anyway (not that they knew that) but I think DH is a bit miffed. All families in this case have
kids, who get on well with each other, so I’m baffled that we weren’t asked.

If accommodating everyone is going to mean completely changing the dynamic of the holiday for the worse, why should they?

Children change the dynamic of a holiday. Some people are happy to work with that for every holiday. Some people are happy with it for some holidays and others not at all.

just because they chose to have an adults only holiday doesn’t make them bad people. Or do people really think that once they choose to pop out a child or two that everyone in their family has to acquiesce to their every whim regardless of what they themselves want?

I do think they should have been direct with the OP and explained why but it still doesn’t make them bad people. Even if they’d have explained, OP likely still would have felt a type of way about it.

They’d probably be congratulating themselves for getting out of it 😂

And this is from the same people who have no problem not inviting one member of the family out of 5 on holiday.

Yeah because that one member comes with kids attached and those kids will change the entire dynamic of the holiday.

Id have zero issue going on an adults only holiday because it’s my life too and I’m allowed to take holidays that don’t include kids.

any feeling you have are vaild you have to work through them tho, if you can talk to them and tell them how it made you feel and they continuously do the same thing over and over then you know there’s a true issue there where the relationship may be toxic. But if it’s the first time I wouldn’t think too much about it again I would voice how it made you feel so they can make sure to include you next time. Alienating your family members is not okay. Inclusion is necessary to keep a healthy family dynamic.

@IfIHadAHeart
Is it possible , that after being there for you and your children this past year, that your family actually wanted and maybe even needed a vacation away from all of the stress of helping you navigate

If you could have used a break , there was nothing stopping you from playing a get away for you and your children. That would have been a healthy thing to do.

Sometimes, some people's problems start to take up all of the oxygen in the room , and a break away from them and their issues becomes necessarily.

Maybe your family was not trying to exclude you, maybe they needed a break to re- energize

How many times have the had to listen to you tell his endless list of transgressions and all of the many times and ways that he demonstrated that he was an SOB? In how many numerous other ways have the helped you and your kids try to get through this? They did all of those things out of love, but that can be very draining and stressful.

Maybe they just needed to relax away from all of that. Hoe was that hurtful to you? You should probably have been trying to give your own kids a brief break away as well.

Wow ! I am sorry its shitty of them !

Why?

It was a couples holiday the other siblings muscled in on. Nothing to say Op couldn’t have too.
I might be hurt looking at looks of Insta/ Facebook stuff but that’s a different dynamic. Your parents are of a ge E ration where photos are just sharing rather than likes or validation.

You never know, maybe your parents are silently kicking themselves for not saying ‘no’ to your sisters and brother joining them on their own couples retreat.