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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Best friend sacks me from her wedding and ends friendship

210 replies

softgentle · 22/06/2023 21:05

So please give me your honest opinion.

I (f28) have been sacked from my best friends wedding and she ended our friendship. I was maid of honour and my bf (m31) were playing heavy parts in their wedding.

I have helped her plan this wedding from the minute she got engaged and she has confided in me several times about the state of their relationship and how she thinks that they aren't suited or have been having serious relationship issues. First it was a major disagreement in wanting children, then about money and then about family issues. She for example, wanted to use holiday to visit her family in the Czech Republic and he didn't want to 'waste' his holiday on seeing her family.

They got engaged last year and I have helped her plan 80% of her wedding, spending entire weekends doing wedding things with her. One of the key aspects I was in charge of was finding my own dress then she would pay me back.

Now us big busty girls with inherited maternal bottoms, know that it's difficult finding occasion dresses that fit correctly. By chance I found 2 dresses I liked on tinted for £10 each. I tried them on and the top fit perfectly and the bottom stuck to my bottom very tightly. So I proposed we pay for a skirt panel off one dress be attached to the other. She was on board. Recently we found a mouse in our bedroom and until we got the situation under control we gave her the 2 dresses I had brought.

I had reminded her several times that the weeks leading to her wedding I would be in the middle of my dissertation and it could potentially be a busy time for me; and I might not be as freely available I was during during her earlier engagement.

4 weeks later she rings me to tell me her mother says it will cost £200 to attach an additional skirt panel. Having been in this situation before I knew it wouldn't cost that much; more in the region of £20-£60 depending on the size and the material type etc. She decides I need a new dress so she orders 4 dresses that I know from looking at the pictures won't fit me correctly and will need adjustments (Skin tight and I'm a size 18 with size 36 FF chesticles). I explained the following week I am working overtime as well as having a deadline on the Friday and I will be more available the week after.

I get a text that the dresses have arrived few days later and I need to pick them up. I explained again that this week I am working 6 days finishing at 7.30pm and she is aware I do not drive. She lives 2 minutes in the car from our house but for me walking it would take around an hours round trip walking. And I reminded her several times on the phone this week I would be busy all week with university work and working. I could compromise and pick them up Saturday afternoon when I finished work at 4pm. She said this wasn't good enough and I needed to collect them earlier. At no point did she offer to drop them off herself; despite being unemployed and being able to drive.

I got another message telling me she didn't know why I couldn't collect them and that my uni work and mental health is no excuse as to why I can't do that. I had been feeling very overwhelmed and was diagnosed with PTSD around 8 months ago from a traumatic event. I had several panic attacks over the weekend prior and this message brought me to tears. My partner spoke to her on the phone and they agreed that she would find a seamstress and I would go with her on my day off if she found one.

We heard nothing for 3 hours following that until we got £30 sent to our bank account label 'softgentle's dresses' with a text from her fiancé. Telling us we are not people they want in their lives anymore or want to be associated with and they do not want us at their wedding.

They immediately blocked us on everything they have to contact us on and that was that. Was I unreasonable during any part of this altercation?

OP posts:
CoconutQueen · 22/06/2023 21:07

Have I missed something? This is an alcohol support thread Confused

JustFrustrated · 22/06/2023 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EstherMumsnet · 22/06/2023 21:11

We've moved this to AIBU for you

TeaKitten · 22/06/2023 21:11

Why alcohol support? Your partner could have picked them up.

Crispten · 22/06/2023 21:13

You’ve had a lucky escape

BettyBooper · 22/06/2023 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I think it's in the right place ....

OP I don't think you should be bridesmaid. It sounds a lot. X

softgentle · 22/06/2023 21:14

CoconutQueen · 22/06/2023 21:07

Have I missed something? This is an alcohol support thread Confused

It was posted on AIBU.....no idea what happened

OP posts:
Feliciacat · 22/06/2023 21:15

Your ‘friend’ sounds very domineering and like she doesn’t respect you. It doesn’t sound like you have been unreasonable. I’m sorry she ghosted you but as a PP said, it sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape.

TeaKitten · 22/06/2023 21:15

BettyBooper · 22/06/2023 21:14

I think it's in the right place ....

OP I don't think you should be bridesmaid. It sounds a lot. X

As that poster said, it was posted in alcohol support… hense mumsnet’s comment about moving it to AIBU

Sunnysunbun · 22/06/2023 21:16

To be fair chesticles would be enough to end a friendship.
I think it all sounds a bit stressful and it's probably best to just let things settle for a bit. Weddings are mad - people lose all their sense of proportion.

Catza · 22/06/2023 21:16

People do weird things when they are about to get married. I would take it as a blessing that you no longer need to attend or associate yourself with them. You’ve done nothing wrong. Just move on and put this experience behind you.

Sapphire387 · 22/06/2023 21:19

She doesn't sound like a very good friend at all. I know you will be hurt but really, I think you are better off without her.

readbooksdrinktea · 22/06/2023 21:19

To be fair chesticles would be enough to end a friendship.

Quite. Every day is a school day on MN, though!

Mylandra · 22/06/2023 21:19

This is one of the weirdest threads I’ve ever read. Do adults actually call their breasts chesticles!?

Createausername1970 · 22/06/2023 21:20

Maybe she is regretting telling you so much negative stuff in the past? If she cuts you off now, you can't accidentally say something she wouldn't want repeated.

Lougle · 22/06/2023 21:22

It all sounds very stressful, so perhaps it's best this way. Do you think that the chat your DP and your friend had wasn't quite so amicable as you thought?

ProfessorXtra · 22/06/2023 21:23

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Justcallmebebes · 22/06/2023 21:24

How can it take 2 min in a car, but an hour to walk?

Fandabedodgy · 22/06/2023 21:24

Chesticles?

😳

SquirrelSoShiny · 22/06/2023 21:27

🤔

Devonshiregal · 22/06/2023 21:27

i thought chesticles was amusing enough. Don’t know why everyone’s so sour about it. Just a jokey word.

2 mins drive could mean down a long main road - or you drive at 30/40 down a long road from top to bottom very quickly but walking could take ages. Or you drive along a dual carriage way for 2 mins then straight off again, but walking would obviously take ages. I clearly thought hard about that one to do the maths.

your friend is a psycho btw op. You need to be pissed at her and refuse contact with her.

continentallentil · 22/06/2023 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Deleted by MNHQ

WorkOfArt · 22/06/2023 21:30

I thought chesticles sounded quite funny 😄

parietal · 22/06/2023 21:30

Concentrate on your university work and ignore the drama. You'll be better off with a good degree and without the difficult friend.

Gracewithoutend · 22/06/2023 21:31

She lives 2 minutes in the car from our house but for me walking it would take around an hours round trip walking.

How slow do you walk? That's 10 minutes walk tops, at a slowish pace. I know because that's how far my sister lives from me.