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Original poster

Best friend sacks me from her wedding and ends friendship

210 replies

softgentle · 22/06/2023 21:05

So please give me your honest opinion.

I (f28) have been sacked from my best friends wedding and she ended our friendship. I was maid of honour and my bf (m31) were playing heavy parts in their wedding.

I have helped her plan this wedding from the minute she got engaged and she has confided in me several times about the state of their relationship and how she thinks that they aren't suited or have been having serious relationship issues. First it was a major disagreement in wanting children, then about money and then about family issues. She for example, wanted to use holiday to visit her family in the Czech Republic and he didn't want to 'waste' his holiday on seeing her family.

They got engaged last year and I have helped her plan 80% of her wedding, spending entire weekends doing wedding things with her. One of the key aspects I was in charge of was finding my own dress then she would pay me back.

Now us big busty girls with inherited maternal bottoms, know that it's difficult finding occasion dresses that fit correctly. By chance I found 2 dresses I liked on tinted for £10 each. I tried them on and the top fit perfectly and the bottom stuck to my bottom very tightly. So I proposed we pay for a skirt panel off one dress be attached to the other. She was on board. Recently we found a mouse in our bedroom and until we got the situation under control we gave her the 2 dresses I had brought.

I had reminded her several times that the weeks leading to her wedding I would be in the middle of my dissertation and it could potentially be a busy time for me; and I might not be as freely available I was during during her earlier engagement.

4 weeks later she rings me to tell me her mother says it will cost £200 to attach an additional skirt panel. Having been in this situation before I knew it wouldn't cost that much; more in the region of £20-£60 depending on the size and the material type etc. She decides I need a new dress so she orders 4 dresses that I know from looking at the pictures won't fit me correctly and will need adjustments (Skin tight and I'm a size 18 with size 36 FF chesticles). I explained the following week I am working overtime as well as having a deadline on the Friday and I will be more available the week after.

I get a text that the dresses have arrived few days later and I need to pick them up. I explained again that this week I am working 6 days finishing at 7.30pm and she is aware I do not drive. She lives 2 minutes in the car from our house but for me walking it would take around an hours round trip walking. And I reminded her several times on the phone this week I would be busy all week with university work and working. I could compromise and pick them up Saturday afternoon when I finished work at 4pm. She said this wasn't good enough and I needed to collect them earlier. At no point did she offer to drop them off herself; despite being unemployed and being able to drive.

I got another message telling me she didn't know why I couldn't collect them and that my uni work and mental health is no excuse as to why I can't do that. I had been feeling very overwhelmed and was diagnosed with PTSD around 8 months ago from a traumatic event. I had several panic attacks over the weekend prior and this message brought me to tears. My partner spoke to her on the phone and they agreed that she would find a seamstress and I would go with her on my day off if she found one.

We heard nothing for 3 hours following that until we got £30 sent to our bank account label 'softgentle's dresses' with a text from her fiancé. Telling us we are not people they want in their lives anymore or want to be associated with and they do not want us at their wedding.

They immediately blocked us on everything they have to contact us on and that was that. Was I unreasonable during any part of this altercation?

OP posts:
Mamai90 · 23/06/2023 00:06

Sunnysunbun · 22/06/2023 21:16

To be fair chesticles would be enough to end a friendship.
I think it all sounds a bit stressful and it's probably best to just let things settle for a bit. Weddings are mad - people lose all their sense of proportion.

Yeah, if they are dickheads anyway.

Normal, decent people don't treat their friends like shit and use the excuse that it was because of the wedding.

She sounds hideous OP, you're well shot of her.

mrsneate · 23/06/2023 00:08

Your friend sounds like a nut job.

When's the wedding?

ThereIbledit · 23/06/2023 00:10

Only on mumsnet would people forensically examine the language somebody uses for their own breasts, and the plausibility of the car/walking journey scenario instead of addressing the actual point of the post!

OP: YANBU. She and her fiancee is. I'd be a bit worried that he has capitalised on her mild irk and annoyance and taken the opportunity to drive a wedge between her and her best friend, though. If you can, maybe be open to reunion.

Twilight7777 · 23/06/2023 00:45

Sounds like she’s being controlled in an abusive relationship. Cutting off her connections outside of him.

whynotwhatknot · 23/06/2023 00:47

she sounds horrible but then the fiance texting you is weird he does sound controlling

Codlingmoths · 23/06/2023 00:49

I think you have escaped! Be wary of her creeping back when she realises she has to plan her own life now.

YouOKHun · 23/06/2023 00:58

Hoffi · 22/06/2023 22:12

she has confided in me several times about the state of their relationship and how she thinks that they aren't suited or have been having serious relationship issues

There's always one key sentence hidden in the middle of these really long slightly bonkers posts and I think this is the one.

Exactly. It sounds like the groom knows the friend has disclosed her doubts to the OP so he’s found an excuse to close the friendship down. Sounds very unhealthy and just the sort of wedding and likely abusive marriage I’d want to stand back from.

Primrosefrill · 23/06/2023 01:03

Surely the mouse issue is because op was worried about the mouse nibbling the dress?

op YANBU. I am sorry you have PTSD. Your friend is horrible.

artishard · 23/06/2023 02:01

I mean, there is a.lot of focus on the minutiae of OP's post, but tbf a 'TL;DR' wouldn't have gone amiss here either 😝

Mothership4two · 23/06/2023 02:43

Was I unreasonable during any part of this altercation?

No, she (and he) is a twat and probably regrets being so honest about her relationship issues.

daisychain01 · 23/06/2023 03:50

loveandpoprockz · 22/06/2023 21:48

What are chesticals? Do you mean breasts?

Chesticles are giant breasticles- didn't you know?

daisychain01 · 23/06/2023 03:52

It reads like this thread is angling for a place in Classics ...

Catsmere · 23/06/2023 04:09

Sounds like you’re well shot of her, OP.

Violasaremyfavourite · 23/06/2023 04:30

I am imagine the significance of the mouse was that OP didn't want to run the risk of the little beast gnawing on the dresses.

To answer your question, I think you're well rid of the friend, her mother and her fiancé. Obviously it is hurtful because you thought you were close.

I thought Mumsnet was meant to be abut women supporting each rather than criticising their respective vocabularies in the nastiest of tones. So I understand you're too cool to call them chesticles but you want to put the boot into somebody you think is not woke enough or too coy or whatever.

SquigglyGum · 23/06/2023 04:42

Yanbu. She sounds like a very difficult friend who expected a lot but didn't want to do much in return. You're well shot of her.

Irridescantshimmmer · 23/06/2023 04:47

Sounds like she betrayed you OP.

The thing is, she is out of your life now and can no longer use you, which is what she has done.

She's cruising for a bruising if she treats others how she has treated you, which was horrendous. Sounds like you were on the recieving end of her bad attitude which, one day will backfire on her. After all, for every action there is a reaction.

Your uni courses are your future and you have your whole life ahead of you minus 1 loser. Focus on what is important.

Willmafrockfit · 23/06/2023 05:14

you werent available lets face it.
it is a stressful time for both of you.
what a shame

Freefall212 · 23/06/2023 05:28

It sounds like it is now very close to the wedding. You said you would wort your own dress but then bought two that need to be altered. You didn’t alter them and then gave them to her because you had mice in the house. Getting the dress altered list all priority for you as you were busy with school and she dress was at hers. She did the work to get a quote to get it altered for you but that was too expensive. She asked you multiple times to come and get it to figure it out and you refused. She then found other dresses she thought might fit and you didn’t like any of them. The wedding is getting closer and closer and you don’t have a wearable dress and don’t have the time or inclination to get one or pick this one back up to get it altered.

you can see how in her head she feels that her wedding and being in her wedding is a bottom of the barrel priority for you and it is stressing her out this close to the wedding that you don’t have a dress and don’t care you don’t have a dress.

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 23/06/2023 05:34

Justcallmebebes · 22/06/2023 21:24

How can it take 2 min in a car, but an hour to walk?

That was the bit for me that thought this isn’t cut and dried.

ilovesooty · 23/06/2023 05:44

I expect this experience is difficult for you but in the fullness of time you'll realise you're well rid of her. At least you won't have to be around to hold her hand through the probable divorce.

Marchintospring · 23/06/2023 05:51

Freefall212 · 23/06/2023 05:28

It sounds like it is now very close to the wedding. You said you would wort your own dress but then bought two that need to be altered. You didn’t alter them and then gave them to her because you had mice in the house. Getting the dress altered list all priority for you as you were busy with school and she dress was at hers. She did the work to get a quote to get it altered for you but that was too expensive. She asked you multiple times to come and get it to figure it out and you refused. She then found other dresses she thought might fit and you didn’t like any of them. The wedding is getting closer and closer and you don’t have a wearable dress and don’t have the time or inclination to get one or pick this one back up to get it altered.

you can see how in her head she feels that her wedding and being in her wedding is a bottom of the barrel priority for you and it is stressing her out this close to the wedding that you don’t have a dress and don’t care you don’t have a dress.

Yes this does actually sound closer to the truth of it.
And you aren’t a fan of the future husband.

countrygirl99 · 23/06/2023 05:55

What's amazing me is that, despite ot being pointed out several times that it's a 2 minute drive each way versus an hour round trip so a 2 min drive ves a 30 min walk each way people continued to question the timings. It only proves a lot of people not only didn't read the OP properly but failed to read the replies as well. And then they had the nerve to imply the OP might be exaggerating!

Shoxfordian · 23/06/2023 05:57

It does sound potentially like the fiancé is making the decision for your friend. When is the wedding? Were you running out of time to get the dress altered?

BananaSpanner · 23/06/2023 06:05

If I were the bride and I’d told you that you had free reign to go and find an dress and you came back to with 2 dresses that you wanted morphed into 1 and expected me to arrange, I’d have been pissed off too.

Shes unfair to expect you to drop all of your own life commitments to go and sort it but it is a situation of your own making. You were asked to go and get a dress, you’ve created a whole extra hassle, if it was so simple you should have sorted it yourself.

However, she’s since acted like a cow, probably egged on by her horrid sounding fiancé. It’s very sad to lose a close friend and you don’t deserve that. She’ll regret it in time.

Justsomehousestuff · 23/06/2023 06:12

Freefall212 · 23/06/2023 05:28

It sounds like it is now very close to the wedding. You said you would wort your own dress but then bought two that need to be altered. You didn’t alter them and then gave them to her because you had mice in the house. Getting the dress altered list all priority for you as you were busy with school and she dress was at hers. She did the work to get a quote to get it altered for you but that was too expensive. She asked you multiple times to come and get it to figure it out and you refused. She then found other dresses she thought might fit and you didn’t like any of them. The wedding is getting closer and closer and you don’t have a wearable dress and don’t have the time or inclination to get one or pick this one back up to get it altered.

you can see how in her head she feels that her wedding and being in her wedding is a bottom of the barrel priority for you and it is stressing her out this close to the wedding that you don’t have a dress and don’t care you don’t have a dress.

This.

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