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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Best friend sacks me from her wedding and ends friendship

210 replies

softgentle · 22/06/2023 21:05

So please give me your honest opinion.

I (f28) have been sacked from my best friends wedding and she ended our friendship. I was maid of honour and my bf (m31) were playing heavy parts in their wedding.

I have helped her plan this wedding from the minute she got engaged and she has confided in me several times about the state of their relationship and how she thinks that they aren't suited or have been having serious relationship issues. First it was a major disagreement in wanting children, then about money and then about family issues. She for example, wanted to use holiday to visit her family in the Czech Republic and he didn't want to 'waste' his holiday on seeing her family.

They got engaged last year and I have helped her plan 80% of her wedding, spending entire weekends doing wedding things with her. One of the key aspects I was in charge of was finding my own dress then she would pay me back.

Now us big busty girls with inherited maternal bottoms, know that it's difficult finding occasion dresses that fit correctly. By chance I found 2 dresses I liked on tinted for £10 each. I tried them on and the top fit perfectly and the bottom stuck to my bottom very tightly. So I proposed we pay for a skirt panel off one dress be attached to the other. She was on board. Recently we found a mouse in our bedroom and until we got the situation under control we gave her the 2 dresses I had brought.

I had reminded her several times that the weeks leading to her wedding I would be in the middle of my dissertation and it could potentially be a busy time for me; and I might not be as freely available I was during during her earlier engagement.

4 weeks later she rings me to tell me her mother says it will cost £200 to attach an additional skirt panel. Having been in this situation before I knew it wouldn't cost that much; more in the region of £20-£60 depending on the size and the material type etc. She decides I need a new dress so she orders 4 dresses that I know from looking at the pictures won't fit me correctly and will need adjustments (Skin tight and I'm a size 18 with size 36 FF chesticles). I explained the following week I am working overtime as well as having a deadline on the Friday and I will be more available the week after.

I get a text that the dresses have arrived few days later and I need to pick them up. I explained again that this week I am working 6 days finishing at 7.30pm and she is aware I do not drive. She lives 2 minutes in the car from our house but for me walking it would take around an hours round trip walking. And I reminded her several times on the phone this week I would be busy all week with university work and working. I could compromise and pick them up Saturday afternoon when I finished work at 4pm. She said this wasn't good enough and I needed to collect them earlier. At no point did she offer to drop them off herself; despite being unemployed and being able to drive.

I got another message telling me she didn't know why I couldn't collect them and that my uni work and mental health is no excuse as to why I can't do that. I had been feeling very overwhelmed and was diagnosed with PTSD around 8 months ago from a traumatic event. I had several panic attacks over the weekend prior and this message brought me to tears. My partner spoke to her on the phone and they agreed that she would find a seamstress and I would go with her on my day off if she found one.

We heard nothing for 3 hours following that until we got £30 sent to our bank account label 'softgentle's dresses' with a text from her fiancé. Telling us we are not people they want in their lives anymore or want to be associated with and they do not want us at their wedding.

They immediately blocked us on everything they have to contact us on and that was that. Was I unreasonable during any part of this altercation?

OP posts:
OrlandointheWilderness · 22/06/2023 21:53

She sounds mental.

Love chesticles.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 22/06/2023 21:54

Yanbu at al@softgentle and ignore all the bs on here.

She sounds nuts, plan something fun that weekend and know that you’ve done nothing wrong.

Stickybackplasticbear · 22/06/2023 21:56

Jesus christ people on here are so fucking irritating.

OP anyone who would behave so awfully to you isn't your friend. I know it's shocking and will take time to get over but even if you did something happen annoying or whatever it doesn't sound like she's behaving rationally. Move on and try to accept she wasn't a good friend. Friends don't behave like this.

Danikm151 · 22/06/2023 21:56

You’ve fallen victim to a Bridezilla.
Nothing is more important than her wedding in her eyes

WaterIris · 22/06/2023 21:57

I'm quite surprised so many haven't heard 'chesticles' (or 'breasticles'). Not my descriptor of choice, but I've heard them used so not sure what the big deal is and why it's causing such consternation.

Anyway, OP your mate sounds like she's stressed and in the middle of things. You have life stuff going on. I don't think you've done anything wrong but weddings can send people a bit loopy.

Simplyfedup · 22/06/2023 21:58

No great loss. She's told you who she really is.
(Ignore the nit pickers here, it's their hobby) 😂

Motherofalittledragon · 22/06/2023 21:59

She sounds a pain in the arse and I'd be glad to of had the sack from the wedding, dodged a bullet there you have!

LostInTheColonies · 22/06/2023 21:59

Chesticles - does nobody watch Miranda? 🤣

Cosycover · 22/06/2023 21:59

She is an arsehole. You are well rid.

MoonSea · 22/06/2023 22:00

You don't sound unreasonable at all.
Sounds like your friend is a horrible person and you are better off without her - or perhaps her fiance is isolating her.

AlyssumandHelianthus · 22/06/2023 22:00

Oh yeah, sounds like you're well out of that one. Don't say yes if she decides to reoffer you the position.

Greycloudlooming · 22/06/2023 22:01

itsmellslikepopcarn · 22/06/2023 21:37

Such typical Mumsnet to zone in on words used and the length of a walk rather than what OP has actually asked about.

You don’t sound unreasonable at all, people can go a bit mental when they’re wedding planning. Sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape!

Yeah for sure. So weird to comment on word choice and logistics rather than the actual question. It’s like they lack basic comprehension skills. I’ve heard chesticles used quite frequently in the past while I lived in England, it’s not like OP just invented the word.

Anyway, OP. You’re not being unreasonable. She sounds like a bridezilla and really put out that you’re not focusing your entire life on her and her wedding right now. How dare you prioritise your work and your dissertation! Her behaviour is frankly embarrassing and this is probably a blessing in disguise for you. Do you really need a friend who is so self centred? Maybe just book a holiday or weekend away on the wedding date to cheer yourself up.

All the best with your dissertation.

LaMaG · 22/06/2023 22:01

Tanith · 22/06/2023 21:53

Oh, you spotted that, too? I didn't like the sound of him, either.

My first thought too. She was probably giving out about the dress / you being busy etc and he somehow twisted it into her needing to dump you. Very worrying. I'd say call round and suss it out, don't communicate online. If you were close enough to be bridesmaid then she deserves the benefit of the doubt and you deserve an explanation. When it suits you! I can imagine you are terribly upset OP, this is really a horrible situation.

QuintanaRoo · 22/06/2023 22:01

theoddoneasalways · 22/06/2023 21:34

Also curious about the two min drive!

It’s like one of those crazy maths questions. If a car travels for 2mins at 60mph what distance has it travelled? Is it 2 miles?

so maybe 2 miles there and 2 miles back would be an hour round walk.

Gowlett · 22/06/2023 22:02

Never mind chesticles…
What about the mouse in the bedroom???

OfcourseitsaNC · 22/06/2023 22:02

For pity's sake... Why on earth are you so many of you getting caught up in chesticles and the time it would take to walk? Grow up and offer something useful, or don't offer it at all.

OP-we're only hearing your side of the story here, but sounds to me like you're better off out of it. I'm sorry that you've lost a good friend over it, but if all she can see is her and not what you've got going on in your life too, then she was never a good friend in the first place. It's not what friends do.

I hope you're able to move on from this and find better friends to replace her. All the best with the dissertation too. That's it's own special kind of hell.

QuintanaRoo · 22/06/2023 22:02

And yeah I think you’ve dodged a bullet with this friend, she’s shown her true colours. You were perfectly reasonable

Splishsploshsplash · 22/06/2023 22:03

She sounds awful, as do most of the morons on this thread who are incapable of actually answering the question asked.

You are well rid of her. Block her back in case she changes her mind and get on with your lives without her drama.

By the way she cut you because you know too much about her relationship.

Greycloudlooming · 22/06/2023 22:03

LostInTheColonies · 22/06/2023 21:59

Chesticles - does nobody watch Miranda? 🤣

YES! Oh wow, I forgot about Miranda, I used to love that show! I’ve lived abroad for the past 8 years so I totally forgot about it! I’ve got today off work so I’m going to get lost in a Miranda void! Thank you, thanking you lovely, chesticles!

neveradullmoment99 · 22/06/2023 22:04

Gowlett · 22/06/2023 22:02

Never mind chesticles…
What about the mouse in the bedroom???

This! Glad you mentioned it...

Whenwillitallmakesense · 22/06/2023 22:05

This reply has been deleted

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Stravaig · 22/06/2023 22:08

To answer your question, she's not a friend. You need to re-evaluate your ideas about what friendship is supposed to bring to your life, and how friends are supposed to treat you. So, lucky escape.

If you know someone wise and caring, talk it over with them; or perhaps with a counsellor. Have higher standards going forward.

Things you didn't ask:
'Chesticles' sounds like it was written by a man.
Two minutes drive but one hour to walk does sound bonkers.
I'm intrigued by a wedding which requires the best friend to devote multiple entire weekends to preparation, yet where the budget for the bridesmaid dress is about 10p. That's unusual.

SpainToday · 22/06/2023 22:09

Is the mouse invited to the wedding?

onlywayissussex · 22/06/2023 22:10

You both sound nutsarama to be honest although we only have your side

weebarra · 22/06/2023 22:10

Chesticles is that out there.
I immediately thought busy road or dual carriageway.
You sound lovely, she's an arse.
You must be really upset, but this is absolutely all on her (or him to echo other posters)