Best friend sacks me from her wedding and ends friendship

[softgentle]

So please give me your honest opinion.

I (f28) have been sacked from my best friends wedding and she ended our friendship. I was maid of honour and my bf (m31) were playing heavy parts in their wedding.

I have helped her plan this wedding from the minute she got engaged and she has confided in me several times about the state of their relationship and how she thinks that they aren't suited or have been having serious relationship issues. First it was a major disagreement in wanting children, then about money and then about family issues. She for example, wanted to use holiday to visit her family in the Czech Republic and he didn't want to 'waste' his holiday on seeing her family.

They got engaged last year and I have helped her plan 80% of her wedding, spending entire weekends doing wedding things with her. One of the key aspects I was in charge of was finding my own dress then she would pay me back.

Now us big busty girls with inherited maternal bottoms, know that it's difficult finding occasion dresses that fit correctly. By chance I found 2 dresses I liked on tinted for £10 each. I tried them on and the top fit perfectly and the bottom stuck to my bottom very tightly. So I proposed we pay for a skirt panel off one dress be attached to the other. She was on board. Recently we found a mouse in our bedroom and until we got the situation under control we gave her the 2 dresses I had brought.

I had reminded her several times that the weeks leading to her wedding I would be in the middle of my dissertation and it could potentially be a busy time for me; and I might not be as freely available I was during during her earlier engagement.

4 weeks later she rings me to tell me her mother says it will cost £200 to attach an additional skirt panel. Having been in this situation before I knew it wouldn't cost that much; more in the region of £20-£60 depending on the size and the material type etc. She decides I need a new dress so she orders 4 dresses that I know from looking at the pictures won't fit me correctly and will need adjustments (Skin tight and I'm a size 18 with size 36 FF chesticles). I explained the following week I am working overtime as well as having a deadline on the Friday and I will be more available the week after.

I get a text that the dresses have arrived few days later and I need to pick them up. I explained again that this week I am working 6 days finishing at 7.30pm and she is aware I do not drive. She lives 2 minutes in the car from our house but for me walking it would take around an hours round trip walking. And I reminded her several times on the phone this week I would be busy all week with university work and working. I could compromise and pick them up Saturday afternoon when I finished work at 4pm. She said this wasn't good enough and I needed to collect them earlier. At no point did she offer to drop them off herself; despite being unemployed and being able to drive.

I got another message telling me she didn't know why I couldn't collect them and that my uni work and mental health is no excuse as to why I can't do that. I had been feeling very overwhelmed and was diagnosed with PTSD around 8 months ago from a traumatic event. I had several panic attacks over the weekend prior and this message brought me to tears. My partner spoke to her on the phone and they agreed that she would find a seamstress and I would go with her on my day off if she found one.

We heard nothing for 3 hours following that until we got £30 sent to our bank account label 'softgentle's dresses' with a text from her fiancé. Telling us we are not people they want in their lives anymore or want to be associated with and they do not want us at their wedding.

They immediately blocked us on everything they have to contact us on and that was that. Was I unreasonable during any part of this altercation?

'Not that out there'

OP you are so very wrong in all this....don't you realise this "friend" is GETTING MARRIED. The world should stop revolving. You should have cancelled whatever you had planned and made your way to her house IMMEDIATELY. Furthermore you should have wore whatever poor fitting dress she saw fit to pick for you.

Seriously though, you've majorly dodged a bullet. You will look back on this and be glad it happened when it did.

When her marriage fails I'd refuse to get back in touch with her when she inevitable reaches out for a shoulder to cry on.

Fuck this is a shark pool. YANBU as everyone sensible has said

Not only did she massively overreact, it is her fault for being dishonest. She knew that you would be busy. Your job and your dissertation have to take priority. She should’ve asked you immediately when you had time to find another dress because she clearly wasn’t happy with your solution.

Where you went wrong was to expect she’d be comfortable with the two dress solution. The only way that was ever going to be successful was if you had gotten the alterations done immediately, so she could see how it looked, and approve it. I completely understand that you were busy, but you shouldn’t have waited 4 weeks because she was probably unnecessarily catastrophising the entire time. From her perspective, you were asked to find yourself a wearable dress and you didn’t complete the task. I say this as a someone with all the same problems as you finding formalwear. Being more than mildly annoyed by this is OTT though.

Side note, I’m J cup and chesticles is an almost appropriate descriptor when your breasts feel like distinct hanging beings.

she has confided in me several times about the state of their relationship and how she thinks that they aren't suited or have been having serious relationship issues

There's always one key sentence hidden in the middle of these really long slightly bonkers posts and I think this is the one.

Sorry you put so much into helping her but it’s probably worked out for the best for your mental health. Try and move on from the drama and focus on your self and good luck with dissertation

I've heard the term chest chesticles before. I think it was use by the late Len Goodman or Claudia Winkleman or maybe it was both.

Just forget the friend and her wedding.

BTW It seems a bit late for a dissertation.

They are part of her body, she can call them Chesticles if she wants. It’s not like it is a offensive word

All the best op

Not even at gunpoint.

😂same

Same here 🤣🤣

Think you know all you need to know about your friend now. She is in a mess potentially marrying the wrong man but that is her call. The dress drama is just her being a bit of a bridezilla and not respecting boundaries.

However, I am not sure about the mouse situation & giving her the two dresses to look after. You could have easily got this sorted out yourself.

Neither do I understand how dresses can be ordered and not delivered directly to your door either.

Cut your loses, reciprocate with the blocking, and move on.

It takes my kids 40-45 min to walk to school but takes me 5-7 minutes to drive it.

Also it’s hour round trip so half hour walk each way

This isn't a best friend and it took "wedding entitlement" to find out :( Sorry for what you're going through and seems like things like weddings really bring out the dynamics of how people can be or how a supposed thought of bestie actually comes 100 times below a partner. It all seems crazy and I'll bet within the year she'll be back wanting your friendship again beyond her selfish. entitled ways.

Chesticals as breasts is far better than saying ‘you both sound nuts’ to someone with MH issues I guess.

You've lost me.

I'm assuming you sent the dresses to hers to stop them being eaten by the mouse which is more than reasonable

You’ve enough to deal with, you don’t need this drama Queen in your life.
Crack on with your dissertation. And good luck with your degree.

I agree!! She's either batcrap crazy herself &/or been forced into it by her clearly weird fiancé. Lucky escape. Her loss, not yours.

No, you weren't unreasonable. Your 'friend' sounds like a bully- though it occurs to me that perhaps her fiance is the real bully, and is trying to break up her relationships with other people than himself. In any case, you are better off out of this toxic situation.

The more people keep crossly typing the word chesticles the funnier I'm finding it.😂

How about reading the second paragraph of the post you quoted?

It takes the bridezilla two minutes by car from where she lives, but would take the OP far longer from where she lives?