Best friend sacks me from her wedding and ends friendship

[softgentle]

So please give me your honest opinion.

I (f28) have been sacked from my best friends wedding and she ended our friendship. I was maid of honour and my bf (m31) were playing heavy parts in their wedding.

I have helped her plan this wedding from the minute she got engaged and she has confided in me several times about the state of their relationship and how she thinks that they aren't suited or have been having serious relationship issues. First it was a major disagreement in wanting children, then about money and then about family issues. She for example, wanted to use holiday to visit her family in the Czech Republic and he didn't want to 'waste' his holiday on seeing her family.

They got engaged last year and I have helped her plan 80% of her wedding, spending entire weekends doing wedding things with her. One of the key aspects I was in charge of was finding my own dress then she would pay me back.

Now us big busty girls with inherited maternal bottoms, know that it's difficult finding occasion dresses that fit correctly. By chance I found 2 dresses I liked on tinted for £10 each. I tried them on and the top fit perfectly and the bottom stuck to my bottom very tightly. So I proposed we pay for a skirt panel off one dress be attached to the other. She was on board. Recently we found a mouse in our bedroom and until we got the situation under control we gave her the 2 dresses I had brought.

I had reminded her several times that the weeks leading to her wedding I would be in the middle of my dissertation and it could potentially be a busy time for me; and I might not be as freely available I was during during her earlier engagement.

4 weeks later she rings me to tell me her mother says it will cost £200 to attach an additional skirt panel. Having been in this situation before I knew it wouldn't cost that much; more in the region of £20-£60 depending on the size and the material type etc. She decides I need a new dress so she orders 4 dresses that I know from looking at the pictures won't fit me correctly and will need adjustments (Skin tight and I'm a size 18 with size 36 FF chesticles). I explained the following week I am working overtime as well as having a deadline on the Friday and I will be more available the week after.

I get a text that the dresses have arrived few days later and I need to pick them up. I explained again that this week I am working 6 days finishing at 7.30pm and she is aware I do not drive. She lives 2 minutes in the car from our house but for me walking it would take around an hours round trip walking. And I reminded her several times on the phone this week I would be busy all week with university work and working. I could compromise and pick them up Saturday afternoon when I finished work at 4pm. She said this wasn't good enough and I needed to collect them earlier. At no point did she offer to drop them off herself; despite being unemployed and being able to drive.

I got another message telling me she didn't know why I couldn't collect them and that my uni work and mental health is no excuse as to why I can't do that. I had been feeling very overwhelmed and was diagnosed with PTSD around 8 months ago from a traumatic event. I had several panic attacks over the weekend prior and this message brought me to tears. My partner spoke to her on the phone and they agreed that she would find a seamstress and I would go with her on my day off if she found one.

We heard nothing for 3 hours following that until we got £30 sent to our bank account label 'softgentle's dresses' with a text from her fiancé. Telling us we are not people they want in their lives anymore or want to be associated with and they do not want us at their wedding.

They immediately blocked us on everything they have to contact us on and that was that. Was I unreasonable during any part of this altercation?

Chesticles, boak , for that alone YABU.

I would have just collected the dresses after 7.30pm. She sounds very very stressed & probably thought you weren’t interested

@Gowlett and the ‘maternal bottoms’.

Good riddance to her, she sounds like an awful friend.

I know everyone is saying she is well rid etc but I think people are minimising how distressing this situation would be. A friend cutting you out like that is a genuine loss, even if you know it might be for the best long term.

I really hope you can talk this over with some real friends OP as it must be a real shock.

I had a friend who sidelined us in the run up to the wedding to her man-child fiancée. She’d spent years complaining how pathetic he was, but she was desperate to be married and have children.
I think she’s either cut you off because you know the truth about how she feels. Or he’s demanded it because he’s a controlling prick.

If OP explained multiple times that she's working and has uni work, you'd had to be pretty dim to interpret that as not caring.

You've had a lucky escape, she sounds awful. Block her on everything and blank her if you see her. She sounds mad!

And I assume your partner could not pick up the dresses for you?

You're all being very dim. It's THE MOUSE that takes a long time to walk the 2 minute drive.

Seriously, not your fault OP. Good luck!

It was the mouse that was bothering me too. Where does he fit in with some bride-related drama?

By going the wrong direction on a really fast travelator? I was also wondering this too.

You have spent too many weekends having your precious time drained by her .

Thank your lucky stars you dpn't have to waste any more time , let her crack on with her poxy wedding without your help .

And can I suggest borrowing a cat for the mouse problem?
Cats don't block you on Facebook (but they are judgey little feckers)

Not all places and roads are the same. I can think of several places I could comfortably get to in the car in under 5 minutes but would take at least an hour to walk to… because you can’t walk up the motorway.

What is it about weddings that turn previously nice girls into spoilt, domineering brats?

There are an increasing number of threads that are AI generated I think on MN - this being one of them

People are awful in here sometimes. It is possible to take half an hour to walk a 2 minute drive. I could drive to my parents in 5 minutes using duel carriage way and main roads. To walk I wouldn’t be able to go along the duel carriage way but could walk there going a different way, different road types. It would probably take at hour and a quarter at least to walk it.

@ SchoolShenanigans
I didn’t interpret it as not caring

Flipping heck. Does no one say “ hang on, I’ll be two minutes” without a stopwatch?

A translation of colloquial time:
2 minutes means ; quick / no effort
5 minutes means a wait but imminent.
An hour means something I’ll need to factor into my day ie an hours walk is too much time to waste on a simple errand.

The first rule of Bridezilla is never to have bridesmaids with massive breasts though. Massively distracting for everyone and will ruin the focus on said bride.

It depends doesn’t it. On the nature of the walk.
for example.
i live about 4 minutes from sainsburys- it’s one junction on the dual carriageway
I cannot walk the dual carriageway. I have to go via the paths and through town it takes an hour ish.
can’t always walk the roads you drive..

OH!

Thank you for seeing the sense most of us lack hahaha

Sorry people didn't like chesticles.

I think you have dodged a bullet.

Personally I would have been uncomfortable planning a wedding all the while knowing about their relationship issues. Sorry that your friendship ended but I guess that is part of life.

Maternal bottoms ???

She said 2 minutes. Door to door. You can't drive to a motorway junction, get on a motorway, drive to the next junction, get off the motorway, drive to a person's door, in two minutes.