Best friend sacks me from her wedding and ends friendship

[softgentle]

So please give me your honest opinion.

I (f28) have been sacked from my best friends wedding and she ended our friendship. I was maid of honour and my bf (m31) were playing heavy parts in their wedding.

I have helped her plan this wedding from the minute she got engaged and she has confided in me several times about the state of their relationship and how she thinks that they aren't suited or have been having serious relationship issues. First it was a major disagreement in wanting children, then about money and then about family issues. She for example, wanted to use holiday to visit her family in the Czech Republic and he didn't want to 'waste' his holiday on seeing her family.

They got engaged last year and I have helped her plan 80% of her wedding, spending entire weekends doing wedding things with her. One of the key aspects I was in charge of was finding my own dress then she would pay me back.

Now us big busty girls with inherited maternal bottoms, know that it's difficult finding occasion dresses that fit correctly. By chance I found 2 dresses I liked on tinted for £10 each. I tried them on and the top fit perfectly and the bottom stuck to my bottom very tightly. So I proposed we pay for a skirt panel off one dress be attached to the other. She was on board. Recently we found a mouse in our bedroom and until we got the situation under control we gave her the 2 dresses I had brought.

I had reminded her several times that the weeks leading to her wedding I would be in the middle of my dissertation and it could potentially be a busy time for me; and I might not be as freely available I was during during her earlier engagement.

4 weeks later she rings me to tell me her mother says it will cost £200 to attach an additional skirt panel. Having been in this situation before I knew it wouldn't cost that much; more in the region of £20-£60 depending on the size and the material type etc. She decides I need a new dress so she orders 4 dresses that I know from looking at the pictures won't fit me correctly and will need adjustments (Skin tight and I'm a size 18 with size 36 FF chesticles). I explained the following week I am working overtime as well as having a deadline on the Friday and I will be more available the week after.

I get a text that the dresses have arrived few days later and I need to pick them up. I explained again that this week I am working 6 days finishing at 7.30pm and she is aware I do not drive. She lives 2 minutes in the car from our house but for me walking it would take around an hours round trip walking. And I reminded her several times on the phone this week I would be busy all week with university work and working. I could compromise and pick them up Saturday afternoon when I finished work at 4pm. She said this wasn't good enough and I needed to collect them earlier. At no point did she offer to drop them off herself; despite being unemployed and being able to drive.

I got another message telling me she didn't know why I couldn't collect them and that my uni work and mental health is no excuse as to why I can't do that. I had been feeling very overwhelmed and was diagnosed with PTSD around 8 months ago from a traumatic event. I had several panic attacks over the weekend prior and this message brought me to tears. My partner spoke to her on the phone and they agreed that she would find a seamstress and I would go with her on my day off if she found one.

We heard nothing for 3 hours following that until we got £30 sent to our bank account label 'softgentle's dresses' with a text from her fiancé. Telling us we are not people they want in their lives anymore or want to be associated with and they do not want us at their wedding.

They immediately blocked us on everything they have to contact us on and that was that. Was I unreasonable during any part of this altercation?

Only on mumsnet would people forensically examine the language somebody uses for their own breasts, and the plausibility of the car/walking journey scenario instead of addressing the actual point of the post!

I don't care about "chesticles", but the plausibility of a two minute drive/half hour walk was one reason why I suspect there's more to this and think we're not hearing an entirely accurate account. The whole thing is a series of excuses for not getting the dress sorted...are they all as questionable as this one?

I think you are both BU

Why couldn't your partner pick up the dresses? why didn't you ask her if she could drop them round for you? If you knew you could get the original dresses altered and had done so before, could you not have organised it?

What other background is there? Sounds like this is the final straw from the bride's point of view

Your friend does sound high maintenance too

My first thought too, but then I realised I often walk to a village 2 minutes drive away.
It does take an hour round trip, as she said.

yes 2 minutes drive - half an hour walk
not that far
you didnt really put yourself out for her

its done now
unless you can try and meet her half way? not literally!

This!

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise? Just concentrate on your dissertation, and plan a mini getaway at the same time as the wedding.

Is this some new way of removing female anatomy from speech? Chesticles and maternal bottoms?

She isn’t a friend. She has treated you terribly. Being generous, perhaps she knows she shouldn’t be getting married and is having a bit of a breakdown herself or is being influenced by her partner. Sorry you’ve been let down at an important time for you.

This

Arguments about whether or not to have children, not wanting to "waste" a holiday seeing her family, I wonder if he's had a part to play in this fiasco?
Either way, hold your head up and let them get on with it.

This was harsh on you OP and you are NOT BU. You put a lot of time and effort into helping your friend organise her big day, and if, for whatever reason, she changed her mind about your involvement in the wedding she should have had the decency to tell you face to face, herself.
I'm sorry this has happened but push this from your mind as best you can, and focus on your studies.

It’s not too late in the year to be doing a dissertation, I’m doing my part time MA dissertation right now!

OP my friend got sacked from a wedding where she also knew a lot of negative stuff about the couple and actually asked the bride how she felt about getting married…she was no longer BM and her partner was sacked too It’s mainly that which has caused your fall out, plus a bit of bridezilla ness

Maybe because of the mouse situation she assumed the dresses would stay at hers, so it was on you to get yourself round there, and you didn't show at all willing.

I don't know who is BU - sounds like a bit of both. Although, as others have said, weddings do bring out the bad in people. It's a real shame to lose a friendship - hope you patch it up or find peace.

On the face of what you have said it seems she is being over dramatic and highly unreasonable.

But we only have your side. I am sure she would give a very different story.

Either way, she has made her decision quite clear so step away and try and forget about them both. They sound hard work.

Chesticles, breasticles, rodent pesticles, friends who are no longer besticles, ill fitting dressticles... I'm ridiculously overinvesticled!

This

She sounds absolutely crackers

Reckon she might contact you in a few years when it doesn’t work out.
Sounds like someone who centres herself. Pointless.

I got this feeling too!

Quite. The nit-picking is ridiculous

This whole thread has been a messitcles!

Seriously OP, she sounds a dick, be glad she's not your problem anymore.

There’s something really spiteful about the way people have jumped on the OP for use of a single word when it is a) irrelevant and b) completely harmless. Some of you need to have a word with yourselves about this: in what way does this word have any impact on your ability to comprehend this situation. It doesn’t and you’re all just being dicks.

But I digress. OP weddings send people a bit loopy at the best of times and especially when the marriage is built on shaky foundations (as is clearly the case here). I think you will probably find over time that your friend will realise that she has prioritised a failing relationship over a strong, supportive friendship.

I would put money on her turning around at some point and crawling back begging for forgiveness (probably after he has cheated on her). Up to you whether you choose to respond or not.

Their relationship is not good and he feels threatened that you know this.

you should have sorted the dress out ages ago if you have dissertation stuff to do this close to the wedding.
if you think you have a tricky figure to fit (I do too) then planning is key, especially if you like making plans involving creative alterations. (I do too). If the bride is the kind of person who can / likes to just buy dresses off the peg then her attempt to do this for you is her basically doing your job because you didn't. So don't sound so sniffy about "I knew they wouldn't fit".

I'm so sorry for the trauma you've experienced, for the PTSD that it's left you with, and now, during a time that's stressful and overwhelming for everyone (dissertation) you've also lost your best friend and you don't understand why. Fwiw, I don't understand it either. Please try not to internalize her behavior (don't let it convince you that something must be wrong with you). We are not responsible for other people's actions.

You may want to go to her house or you may choose to just leave it. Either way, allow yourself a chance to grieve the friendship you thought you had. I hope you're getting some specialist support for the PTSD. Take care.

Oh god, OP. Lucky escape. Let the bridezilla get on with her bat shittery and look forward to hearing on the grapevine of their messy divorce in a few years.