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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Best friend sacks me from her wedding and ends friendship

210 replies

softgentle · 22/06/2023 21:05

So please give me your honest opinion.

I (f28) have been sacked from my best friends wedding and she ended our friendship. I was maid of honour and my bf (m31) were playing heavy parts in their wedding.

I have helped her plan this wedding from the minute she got engaged and she has confided in me several times about the state of their relationship and how she thinks that they aren't suited or have been having serious relationship issues. First it was a major disagreement in wanting children, then about money and then about family issues. She for example, wanted to use holiday to visit her family in the Czech Republic and he didn't want to 'waste' his holiday on seeing her family.

They got engaged last year and I have helped her plan 80% of her wedding, spending entire weekends doing wedding things with her. One of the key aspects I was in charge of was finding my own dress then she would pay me back.

Now us big busty girls with inherited maternal bottoms, know that it's difficult finding occasion dresses that fit correctly. By chance I found 2 dresses I liked on tinted for £10 each. I tried them on and the top fit perfectly and the bottom stuck to my bottom very tightly. So I proposed we pay for a skirt panel off one dress be attached to the other. She was on board. Recently we found a mouse in our bedroom and until we got the situation under control we gave her the 2 dresses I had brought.

I had reminded her several times that the weeks leading to her wedding I would be in the middle of my dissertation and it could potentially be a busy time for me; and I might not be as freely available I was during during her earlier engagement.

4 weeks later she rings me to tell me her mother says it will cost £200 to attach an additional skirt panel. Having been in this situation before I knew it wouldn't cost that much; more in the region of £20-£60 depending on the size and the material type etc. She decides I need a new dress so she orders 4 dresses that I know from looking at the pictures won't fit me correctly and will need adjustments (Skin tight and I'm a size 18 with size 36 FF chesticles). I explained the following week I am working overtime as well as having a deadline on the Friday and I will be more available the week after.

I get a text that the dresses have arrived few days later and I need to pick them up. I explained again that this week I am working 6 days finishing at 7.30pm and she is aware I do not drive. She lives 2 minutes in the car from our house but for me walking it would take around an hours round trip walking. And I reminded her several times on the phone this week I would be busy all week with university work and working. I could compromise and pick them up Saturday afternoon when I finished work at 4pm. She said this wasn't good enough and I needed to collect them earlier. At no point did she offer to drop them off herself; despite being unemployed and being able to drive.

I got another message telling me she didn't know why I couldn't collect them and that my uni work and mental health is no excuse as to why I can't do that. I had been feeling very overwhelmed and was diagnosed with PTSD around 8 months ago from a traumatic event. I had several panic attacks over the weekend prior and this message brought me to tears. My partner spoke to her on the phone and they agreed that she would find a seamstress and I would go with her on my day off if she found one.

We heard nothing for 3 hours following that until we got £30 sent to our bank account label 'softgentle's dresses' with a text from her fiancé. Telling us we are not people they want in their lives anymore or want to be associated with and they do not want us at their wedding.

They immediately blocked us on everything they have to contact us on and that was that. Was I unreasonable during any part of this altercation?

OP posts:
UpaladderwatchingTV · 22/06/2023 21:32

OP, to answer your question (without all the bullshit about your comments), you were definitely not BU!! I think though, that you're far better off getting away from this mad bridezilla, as obviously all she can think of is herself! Plus, you know too much about her relationship, and she's probably scared to death that you're going to say something out of place to her Groom. Forget this weird bitch and move on, would be my advice, after all, who needs that much stress for a wedding that's not even their own?

TheSeaDoesntKnowMyName · 22/06/2023 21:33

Justcallmebebes · 22/06/2023 21:24

How can it take 2 min in a car, but an hour to walk?

my question as well "She lives 2 minutes in the car from our house but for me walking it would take around an hours round trip walking."

Nellynoo182 · 22/06/2023 21:34

My in laws live about 5 minutes away in a car but walking would take about an hour. They live on a dual carriageway.

theoddoneasalways · 22/06/2023 21:34

Also curious about the two min drive!

Ilovetea42 · 22/06/2023 21:35

It sounds like she didn't really like the dress you'd originally picked out, or possibly her mum didn't like it so they've used the cost as an excuse to try and get you into a different one without thinking about what you'd actually be comfortable and look good in. I think that's probably ended up being way more stressful than just going with your pick and rather than accept that she's made a mistake by doing that she's taken it out on you and doubled down. None of that is anything to do with you and she doesn't sound like a good friend. I'd have nothing more to do with her.

BeverlyBrook · 22/06/2023 21:36

A lucky escape for you.

ohsuzannah · 22/06/2023 21:36

WTF are chesticles? 😂

Paq · 22/06/2023 21:37

So much drama and so many words!

Does it really take that long to plan a wedding and buy a dress? What’s with the random mouse?

Sounds like you are well rid of each other.

itsmellslikepopcarn · 22/06/2023 21:37

Such typical Mumsnet to zone in on words used and the length of a walk rather than what OP has actually asked about.

You don’t sound unreasonable at all, people can go a bit mental when they’re wedding planning. Sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape!

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 22/06/2023 21:38

He texted you, not her? The man who didnt want to waste holiday visiting her family? Id say she is in an abusive relationship and life is about to get very difficult for her. Isolating her from her friends and family is step one. There isnt anything you can do right now. And tbh staying out of the drama is best for you. I expect she will deeply regret this, although how much say she had in it is hard to know. Be glad you dont have to waste your time and money on this farce of a wedding.

Uokhon · 22/06/2023 21:42

You know where she lives, go over.

mayorofcasterbridge · 22/06/2023 21:43

You will have the last laugh when they split up.

JupiterFortified · 22/06/2023 21:43

Why are people on these threads so obtuse.

It’s not a thread about the use of the word chesticles or how long a journey takes on foot vs in a car. The OP is asking a question. If you don’t want to answer it then just scroll past.

OP - your friend sounds nuts. I’d leave her to it personally.

JupiterFortified · 22/06/2023 21:44

itsmellslikepopcarn · 22/06/2023 21:37

Such typical Mumsnet to zone in on words used and the length of a walk rather than what OP has actually asked about.

You don’t sound unreasonable at all, people can go a bit mental when they’re wedding planning. Sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape!

Exactly

DrSbaitso · 22/06/2023 21:45

It takes you an hour to walk a distance that takes two minutes in the car?

I can't help but feel there's more to this. What would she say if we asked her what was going on?

gettingoldisshit · 22/06/2023 21:47

Op asks for advice and all she gets is people being snide about the word " chesticles"!! Seriously op ignore the dickheads on here and thank the lucky stars that you have been removed from the Bridezillas wedding, she sounds like a selfish twat!

loveandpoprockz · 22/06/2023 21:48

What are chesticals? Do you mean breasts?

Alsogoingtogetslated · 22/06/2023 21:49

I LOVE chesticles! I have never heard that before and will be stealing it 😂😂

saraclara · 22/06/2023 21:49

DrSbaitso · 22/06/2023 21:45

It takes you an hour to walk a distance that takes two minutes in the car?

I can't help but feel there's more to this. What would she say if we asked her what was going on?

An hours RETURN journey. Which sounds about right. A two minute car journey can easily take half an hour to walk.

And now how about addressing the OP's actual problem?

justanothermanicmonday1 · 22/06/2023 21:50

Chesticals are big massive breasts🤣

babbscrabbs · 22/06/2023 21:50

Oh stop it with the "ugh chesticles?!" bollocks you nobs

It's so unhelpful

OP your friend sounds slightly unhinged / stressed. Maybe she'll come to her senses soon. I don't think you've done anything wrong.

PurpleChrayne · 22/06/2023 21:52

Chesticles!

Starlightstarbright1 · 22/06/2023 21:53

Op … I do wonder if she is been controlled and isolated. He didn’t want to see her family . Cuts off B/f .

for now focus on you - you have enough on your plate

Tanith · 22/06/2023 21:53

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 22/06/2023 21:38

He texted you, not her? The man who didnt want to waste holiday visiting her family? Id say she is in an abusive relationship and life is about to get very difficult for her. Isolating her from her friends and family is step one. There isnt anything you can do right now. And tbh staying out of the drama is best for you. I expect she will deeply regret this, although how much say she had in it is hard to know. Be glad you dont have to waste your time and money on this farce of a wedding.

Oh, you spotted that, too? I didn't like the sound of him, either.

Devastateddaughter · 22/06/2023 21:53

A 2 minute drive could easily be a half hour walk (op said 1 hour round trip) .
Yanbu op , she sounds very hard work.