To be put out that my friend is asking me to pay her money?

[Sundaycoffee]

I was given a very nice perk through work for myself and a plus one for an all expenses paid trip, it included hotel, all food and drink and entertainment for the value of £400 per person and I chose to take a particualr friend. My friend kindly drove us there and back (Bristol to London). She text me today asking me to transfer her half of the petrol money for the trip (£20)
AIBU to think if someone had done the same for me I would let the petrol money slide?

If someone offers you a treat - regardless of whether of not they paid for it themselves - they are offering you a treat and you don’t have to say yes if you are stuck for cash, but there’s a bit of quid pro quo here. In the friend’s shoes I’d have happily paid for petrol, and got a bottle of champagne and some chocolates to share as a thank you and a contribution to the event. You’re a participant not a passenger. For sure though, I’d never invite that CF on another bash, and I’d be making sure she wasn’t stiffing me on other activities like pub rounds, contribution to meals, etc. She’s quite happy to take the treat, but not be the treater.

Reply with an invoice for the value, reduced to half price for mates rates, less £20, so £180 with your banking details!

I like it😄

I think your friend is very cheeky to ask

This.

I just think the way it should have gone was:
OP - I'd love you to come on this trip with me.
F - I'd love to come! I can do the driving.
OP - Fab, thank you! Can I give you half the petrol?
F - Oh no, that's very kind tho.

I think it's weird not to have offered. I think just assuming the friend would pay it was odd.

There are people in life that are happy to sit on the back of the cart rather than pull the cart, and most of them are in here justifying this cheeky sod asking for £20 petrol money.

If you show thanks for kindness you will be amazed at how your luck changes.

Because there are all sorts of possibilities as to the reason for the friend's request. From the immediately seized upon "grabby bitch" to the friend being skint and left out of pocket for the following week's travel costs to work or to eat. I'm the type of person who considers all possibilities, I wouldn't just jump to conclusions and think the worst of the friend without knowing anything at all. I don't like the pile on when the full picture isn't known, that's all.

I definitely wouldn't have asked OP, but then £20 isn't a huge sum to me.

It could be argued that the guest did OP a favour by accompanying her. As in PP where poster had struggled to find a replacement for her theatre trip unless she paid the train fayre. Yes the friend benefited but it's not like she would have spent that money if OP hadn't invited her on the trip. The trip's still cost money she wouldn't have otherwise spent.

As I said, I'd have definitely paid the petrol myself, but if friend's situation was different and in her mind she was going along to keep OP company I can see why she might not want to pay more than her share of the petrol.

Either way, it's definitely something that should have been discussed. I would have offered at the organisation stage, albeit likely in the expectation that the offer would be refused, but it would have given an opportunity to discuss the matter.

I’d consider it off to be honest… but it would make me wonder if she’s tight for money at the moment. Feels very odd of her to ask considering what she received.

Aren't there just?

Perhaps "manners" needs to be added the national curriculum, because I was clearly wrong in assuming people got taught these things at home.

I've both been on the giving and receiving end of "perks" and "freebies" and its just basic manners to thank the giver by way of a gesture. And 20 quid fuel is only 5% of the value of the overall perk, so hardly more than a token gesture at that!

Just pay her the £20, without fanfare, maybe a simple 'done' text message. Then feel happy that it's been a small price to pay to see the sort of CF your friend is, one that never needs inviting for a freebie weekend ever again.

Not the same.

Cost of petrol fixed. Train fare is not.

This may be one of those where there will be people 'if she is poorer than you then you have to pay, because you can afford it'

But just tell her no you are taking someone else

Lol.

is what you should reply OP.

Yes.This.

Seriously?

Yup

The friend I would take with me on such a trip usually wouldn't be able to afford 40quid for petrol in one go. That reason would be partly why I would be taking her in the first place.

It's rubbish to say 'well she's getting a free trip' so she should pay petrol when I would also be getting the same free trip.

Sounds like some of you don't really like your friends.

What would you have done if you had drove?

To the people saying it cosy the OP nothing, are you guys insane?

The OP effectively halved her bonus with this CF - who then had the audacity to request £20 for petrol. It absolutely beggers believe that anyone can consider it anything other than outrageous.

I wouldn't be able to let this one go. I would respond something like

"I'm very surprised that you are requesting £20 given I chose to split my bonus trip with you - the estimated cost of my treat was £400. I've transferred the £20 but I'm surprised that this is how you chose to thank me"

Me too.

OP- if I was you I would lose all respect I had for this so called friend.

I like this.

People are absolutely mad. Sure the OP ‘didn’t pay anything’ and the friend did but if someone was the reason you got an expensive weekend away all paid for wouldn’t you consider that enough of a contribution to the whole thing?? Maybe not monetary but I think the friend has benefitted massively from the OP and she should be thrilled it only cost her £40. More
of a ‘aren’t I lucky to be in this position’ rather than a split 50/50 - cos it’s not 50/50 she contributed nothing to the weekend away in any shape or form otherwise

YANBU. Terrible to admit but I wouldn’t outright get shirty with her.

id say “oh no! Did you not want to come? You should have said you were short and I could have asked someone else if you didn’t have the money for petrol.”

then let her explain why you need to give her more things. If you go in with “but I gave you xxx for free” of course you are absolutely correct, but for anyone with a brass neck, they’ll argue back and see a way to make YOU the right one. Kill with kindness.