Page 10 | To be put out that my friend is asking me to pay her money?

Sundaycoffee · 2023-06-12T19:15:03+00:00

I was given a very nice perk through work for myself and a plus one for an all expenses paid trip, it included hotel, all food and drink and entertainment for the value of £400 per person and I chose to take a particualr friend. My friend kindly drove us there and back (Bristol to London). She text me today asking me to transfer her half of the petrol money for the trip (£20) AIBU to think if someone had done the same for me I would let the petrol money slide?

Windbeneathmybingowings · 12/06/2023 22:12

*tight one

MenoRageisReal · 12/06/2023 22:12

@CurlyhairedAssassin OP has already said she would have driven herself

Nanny0gg · 12/06/2023 22:12

anythinginapinch · 12/06/2023 20:44

The holiday cost you zero it cost her £40

It was a reward for hard work. Presumably above and beyond what was expected in her job

LookItsMeAgain · 12/06/2023 22:12

Just give her the £20.
Had she not accompanied you, you would have had to pay all of the petrol costs yourself.
It was an all expenses paid thing, which you also had the benefit of.
I'm not the friend in case anyone decides to pile on here.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 12/06/2023 22:12

I took a friend on a holiday that was supposed to be for my an ex. She treated me to a spa day in the resort as a thank you.

Tell her to FO!

BillyNoM8s · 12/06/2023 22:13

So many people aren't addressing the fact that many of us would expect to split any residual costs though? Even if we are the gifter.

If I take my friend on a freebie then we both benefit by having a cheaper trip and spending time together. Why would I begrudge spending a whole £20 for a weekend away with my friend. I don't think my friend should feel like she should have to pay £40 for the mere honour of being invited somewhere by me? My friend coming with me is as much a favour as me taking her.

If I really wanted a weekend away with my favourite friend and she couldn't afford it, I'd pay for the whole thing anyway. I like my good friends. We wouldn't bitch and bicker about £20.

My friend isn't my employer. She doesn't need to give me career recognition.

Caramelatt · 12/06/2023 22:13

CurlyhairedAssassin · 12/06/2023 22:01

Because there are all sorts of possibilities as to the reason for the friend's request. From the immediately seized upon "grabby bitch" to the friend being skint and left out of pocket for the following week's travel costs to work or to eat. I'm the type of person who considers all possibilities, I wouldn't just jump to conclusions and think the worst of the friend without knowing anything at all. I don't like the pile on when the full picture isn't known, that's all.

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But you are going with only one possibility, and along the way telling people don't be silly, they are being shortsighted and 'you are the kind of person consider all possibilities'.

You are bending over backwards to justify the friend whom you know no nothing about when others offer perspective in support of OP then you use the language of jeez, I sense you consider all possibilities but not that tolerant of other posters. Maybe you are 100 % right, maybe it's the OP who is CF.

willWillSmithsmith · 12/06/2023 22:14

I don’t think I’d respond to it. I’d read it (so she saw) then ignore it.

Eggs2022 · 12/06/2023 22:15

BillyNoM8s · 12/06/2023 22:13

So many people aren't addressing the fact that many of us would expect to split any residual costs though? Even if we are the gifter.

If I take my friend on a freebie then we both benefit by having a cheaper trip and spending time together. Why would I begrudge spending a whole £20 for a weekend away with my friend. I don't think my friend should feel like she should have to pay £40 for the mere honour of being invited somewhere by me? My friend coming with me is as much a favour as me taking her.

If I really wanted a weekend away with my favourite friend and she couldn't afford it, I'd pay for the whole thing anyway. I like my good friends. We wouldn't bitch and bicker about £20.

My friend isn't my employer. She doesn't need to give me career recognition.

Aye if it’s a concert or a dinner or something… a weekend away worth £400 is a different kettle of fish altogether

CurlyhairedAssassin · 12/06/2023 22:15

nokidshere · 12/06/2023 22:06

The friend I would take with me on such a trip usually wouldn't be able to afford 40quid for petrol in one go. That reason would be partly why I would be taking her in the first place.

It's rubbish to say 'well she's getting a free trip' so she should pay petrol when I would also be getting the same free trip.

Sounds like some of you don't really like your friends.

Yes, @nokidshere you sound like a properly kind and generous friend to your friends less fortunate than yourself. They're more akin to my values than the opinions that some others have shown on this thread.

Is anyone half expecting OP to come back to put a total spanner in the works by saying that she was actually given £100 by work towards travel costs but as her friend offered to drive, OP decided to keep it as "we didn't need train tickets".

category12 · 12/06/2023 22:15

Eggs2022 · 12/06/2023 22:11

People are absolutely mad. Sure the OP ‘didn’t pay anything’ and the friend did but if someone was the reason you got an expensive weekend away all paid for wouldn’t you consider that enough of a contribution to the whole thing?? Maybe not monetary but I think the friend has benefitted massively from the OP and she should be thrilled it only cost her £40. More
of a ‘aren’t I lucky to be in this position’ rather than a split 50/50 - cos it’s not 50/50 she contributed nothing to the weekend away in any shape or form otherwise

No, the friend did all the driving, so that's a contribution. Made it a whole lot less stressful/tiring for the OP.

Also possible the friend wasn't that fussed on going but went to keep OP company.

Plus they had the mutual benefit of enjoying the experience together, up until they fell out over £20.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 12/06/2023 22:16

And then when she does come back “but hun you ate more than £20 of food alone. Doesn’t that cover it? I’ll just ask someone else next time, no worries”

ANNNNND BLOCK

BillyNoM8s · 12/06/2023 22:17

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 12/06/2023 22:08

To the people saying it cosy the OP nothing, are you guys insane?

The OP effectively halved her bonus with this CF - who then had the audacity to request £20 for petrol. It absolutely beggers believe that anyone can consider it anything other than outrageous.

I wouldn't be able to let this one go. I would respond something like

"I'm very surprised that you are requesting £20 given I chose to split my bonus trip with you - the estimated cost of my treat was £400. I've transferred the £20 but I'm surprised that this is how you chose to thank me"

Unless OP rejected a cash alternative in favour of the trip (at her friend's request), then no, she didn't effectively halve her bonus with her. I imagine she'll still get whatever bonus she usually gets.

UthredofBattenberg · 12/06/2023 22:17

But the trip didn't actually cost you anything in terms of actual real money. Just because the trip was worth £400, it didn't cost you that. It was free.

It did however cost your friend a very real £40, who also drove all the way there and back.

If you had drove there yourself, it would have cost you your own money in petrol. Same for the train, or any way of getting there.

While it was very nice of you to offer this trip, it hasn't cost you anything.

I'd pay the £20, that way everyone has had the same financial contribution and benefit.

Kiwano · 12/06/2023 22:17

category12 · 12/06/2023 20:25

I dunno why everyone seems to be outraged - OP was given the trip, she didn't pay out for it by looks of it.

So yeah, it was nice of her to take this person, but she's paid nothing while the friend paid for the petrol. If it was a freebie, then it's not like OP was Lady Bountiful.

If I were the friend I wouldn't have asked for petrol money, but if I was OP I'd have shared the petrol costs.

OP presumably got the trip through her hard work in getting her job and as a result of the work she has put in there. So yes, she has paid for it in terms of her personal efforts.

GoldDuster · 12/06/2023 22:18

BillyNoM8s · 12/06/2023 22:13

So many people aren't addressing the fact that many of us would expect to split any residual costs though? Even if we are the gifter.

If I take my friend on a freebie then we both benefit by having a cheaper trip and spending time together. Why would I begrudge spending a whole £20 for a weekend away with my friend. I don't think my friend should feel like she should have to pay £40 for the mere honour of being invited somewhere by me? My friend coming with me is as much a favour as me taking her.

If I really wanted a weekend away with my favourite friend and she couldn't afford it, I'd pay for the whole thing anyway. I like my good friends. We wouldn't bitch and bicker about £20.

My friend isn't my employer. She doesn't need to give me career recognition.

Because manners. If someone takes you on a weekend to London, it is customary, due to the concept of good manners that you make a gesture to acknowledge their kindness, and express your gratitude.

This could be a card saying what a wonderful time you had, thankyou very much, and maybe dinner the weekend after the trip, it could also be NOT ASKING FOR THE FUEL MONEY LIKE A TIGHTWAD!

willWillSmithsmith · 12/06/2023 22:19

BillyNoM8s · 12/06/2023 22:13

So many people aren't addressing the fact that many of us would expect to split any residual costs though? Even if we are the gifter.

If I take my friend on a freebie then we both benefit by having a cheaper trip and spending time together. Why would I begrudge spending a whole £20 for a weekend away with my friend. I don't think my friend should feel like she should have to pay £40 for the mere honour of being invited somewhere by me? My friend coming with me is as much a favour as me taking her.

If I really wanted a weekend away with my favourite friend and she couldn't afford it, I'd pay for the whole thing anyway. I like my good friends. We wouldn't bitch and bicker about £20.

My friend isn't my employer. She doesn't need to give me career recognition.

Nah.

If a friend invited me on an all expenses paid trip, unless the costs were huge, I’d say the petrol cost was on me. I don’t have a lot of money but I’m not a tightwad. No way on earth would I be invoicing my friend £20.00.

BillyNoM8s · 12/06/2023 22:19

Eggs2022 · 12/06/2023 22:15

Aye if it’s a concert or a dinner or something… a weekend away worth £400 is a different kettle of fish altogether

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I really don't think it is. A freebie is a freebie in my world, whether it's a pizza or a holiday.

Coolhwip · 12/06/2023 22:19

This thread reaffirms just how awful people are.

The people saying it cost OP nothing know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

OP, I wouldn’t piss on your friend if she was on fire.

BadNomad · 12/06/2023 22:19

I would have offered to go halfers on the fuel costs because I would have been grateful that my friend wanted to come with me on the trip. But I can see I'm in the minority in that.

BillyNoM8s · 12/06/2023 22:20

willWillSmithsmith · 12/06/2023 22:19

Nah.

If a friend invited me on an all expenses paid trip, unless the costs were huge, I’d say the petrol cost was on me. I don’t have a lot of money but I’m not a tightwad. No way on earth would I be invoicing my friend £20.00.

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OK, but if you were my friend, I'd be splitting the cost with you. Because you don't need to compensate me for sharing a gift with you.

category12 · 12/06/2023 22:20

GoldDuster · 12/06/2023 22:18

Because manners. If someone takes you on a weekend to London, it is customary, due to the concept of good manners that you make a gesture to acknowledge their kindness, and express your gratitude.

This could be a card saying what a wonderful time you had, thankyou very much, and maybe dinner the weekend after the trip, it could also be NOT ASKING FOR THE FUEL MONEY LIKE A TIGHTWAD!

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Manners also dictate that when someone drives you a long distance, you offer to pay half the petrol.

You may not expect your offer to be taken up, but you make it anyway. You don't assume.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 12/06/2023 22:21

BillyNoM8s · 12/06/2023 22:17

Unless OP rejected a cash alternative in favour of the trip (at her friend's request), then no, she didn't effectively halve her bonus with her. I imagine she'll still get whatever bonus she usually gets.

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@BillyNoM8s

Your tightness explains your username!
Well played!

Eggs2022 · 12/06/2023 22:22

category12 · 12/06/2023 22:15

No, the friend did all the driving, so that's a contribution. Made it a whole lot less stressful/tiring for the OP.

Also possible the friend wasn't that fussed on going but went to keep OP company.

Plus they had the mutual benefit of enjoying the experience together, up until they fell out over £20.

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Someone has to do the driving on a trip no matter if it’s free or not… hardly a deal breaker- some people prefer to drive and find it less stressful so who knows!

splitting hairs here now… I still think it’s absolute madness.

BillyNoM8s · 12/06/2023 22:22

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 12/06/2023 22:21

@BillyNoM8s

Your tightness explains your username!
Well played!

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If you've read my posts you'll see I'm quite the opposite of tight. I would've shared the gift AND paid all the petrol for the luxury of being driven.