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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put out that my friend is asking me to pay her money?

774 replies

Sundaycoffee · 12/06/2023 20:15

I was given a very nice perk through work for myself and a plus one for an all expenses paid trip, it included hotel, all food and drink and entertainment for the value of £400 per person and I chose to take a particualr friend. My friend kindly drove us there and back (Bristol to London). She text me today asking me to transfer her half of the petrol money for the trip (£20)
AIBU to think if someone had done the same for me I would let the petrol money slide?

OP posts:
ChrisPPancake · 12/06/2023 21:40

YABU. You didn't pay anything towards either your or your friend's hotel/food/drink, why should she pay all of the travel expenses?

Caramelatt · 12/06/2023 21:40

category12 · 12/06/2023 21:13

I dont think it is about 20 quid. It is about lack of appreciation on friend's part to ask for the money after the trip shamelessly.

@Caramelatt Well I see it as more of a two-way thing - OP wanted someone to come with her, and picked this person presumably because they got on well and she liked her company, and she felt assured she'd have a good time with her.

It's not a one-way thing where the other person should just be pitifully grateful to be picked. And the friend did all the driving.

Like I said earlier, if I was the friend I wouldn't have asked, but if I was the OP I would have offered half the petrol.

I am not saying friend should be pitifully grateful but OP still did a nice thing to think of her, even if OP had no other person to invite, as her friend I would not have asked for 20 quid considering because of her I could enjoy a weekend worth 400 per person.

Maybe OP should have offered but for friend to not ask for 20 quids make it look like friend thinks value of her driving and petrol is same as value of weekend she got it though OP, and there is no need for thanks. OP should pay and next time invite someone q go appreciates the gesture and not
dismiss it because it is paid by Op's company.

Elvis1956 · 12/06/2023 21:40

Wow just wow. This thread has to go into classics.

Using the logic of some people here...I invite a friend to Christmas dinner at mine, all the works, champers, luxury chocs and then pa for the petrol they used to drive to my house.

She has had an experience..hotel, food, drink, entertainment for fuck all. Really the op should also pay for half the petrol?

category12 · 12/06/2023 21:42

There's no also, @Elvis1956. OP paid nothing.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 12/06/2023 21:42

Preps · 12/06/2023 21:20

I've been the beneficiary of some free football tickets this season. I've offered them to various people. 4 different people have accepted them. Each time they've offered to drive and refused my offer of money. But I did offer.

Well there's the difference. It seems that OP didn't offer her share of the petrol cost, or discuss it beforehand to see if was affordable for friend to take OP to London. Maybe if she had offered, friend would have refused and said "hell, no, I insist, I'm getting so much fun out of this trip and I've got more than enough to cover the petrol." Or maybe she would have sheepishly said "oh I'm so glad you've offered half the petrol cost, thankyou so so much. I was really struggling to afford my petrol to work next week otherwise and didn't know how to tell you, I'd got myself all in state and it was going to take the shine off this nice offer to go away with you."

We don't know these people's situations. But posters should assume there's a possibilit that friend is skint rather than just assuming she is an ungrateful grabby cow. How weird to automatically just assume the worst of the friend.

Alibaba87 · 12/06/2023 21:44

If your car was better for the motorway after all and you’d driven the two of you, how would the petrol situation have worked?

Ghosttofu99 · 12/06/2023 21:44

This reminds me a the time I got tickets for a play for my bday but the friend I originally organised with got a kidney infection. After offering ticket to various other friends I finally managed to get one to go with me on condition I bought their train ticket to London. In fairness to them, they did pay for some food that day. 😂😅

Fisharejumping · 12/06/2023 21:45

Pardon my Grench but what a bitch. Sorry. I know she’s your friend and you must think highly of her to have chosen her to go with younut honestly what a selfish cow.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/06/2023 21:45

Elvis1956 · Today 21:40
Wow just wow. This thread has to go into classics.

Using the logic of some people here...I invite a friend to Christmas dinner at mine, all the works, champers, luxury chocs and then pa for the petrol they used to drive to my house.

She has had an experience..hotel, food, drink, entertainment for fuck all. Really the op should also pay for half the petrol?”

Completely different. OP paid for nothing.

CheshireCat1 · 12/06/2023 21:45

My sister treated me to a theatre ticket, I insisted on arranging the transport and buying the food.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/06/2023 21:47

CheshireCat1 · Today 21:45
My sister treated me to a theatre ticket, I insisted on arranging the transport and buying the food.”

Did your sister pay for the ticket herself?

OP paid nothing

CurlyhairedAssassin · 12/06/2023 21:48

HermioneWeasley · 12/06/2023 21:30

Some people on here were raised by wolves.

OP didn’t get it “for free”, she got it in recognition of her hard work. Who knows what that was - perhaps many hours of unpaid overtime, or anti social hours, or travelling around the country, or working weeks without a break? None of which her friend did, and she benefitted entirely. If she couldn’t afford the fuel she should have politely declined.

Or maybe OP won it in a draw. Maybe friend works harder than OP does, and gets no perks.

Avondale89 · 12/06/2023 21:50

CurlyhairedAssassin · 12/06/2023 21:26

Yes, she had, but then by your argument she's expected to pay for the "honour" of being the chosen one. It just doesn't sit right with me. It's conferring monetary value onto a friendship. Just offer the nice thing with no strings attached and just split any additional costs. Like a good friend would. It's up to the receiver to show thanks "for being chosen" in any way they choose/can manage. If all they can manage is to pay their own half share of the unexpected petrol cost, and utter a really really heartfelt genuine verbal thankyou and appreciation at being asked, then why, if OP was a genuine friend, would that not be enough appreciation?

This whole thing reminds me of those timeshare scandals. Get a holiday paid for but you end up paying out all sorts that you hadn't bargained for.

Show quote history

I mean, it’s not like a timeshare at all is it. The petrol was £40. This entire thread is just staggering to me that some people are excusing this woman asking for £20 after having a £400 freebie. It blows my mind.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 12/06/2023 21:51

anythinginapinch · 12/06/2023 20:44

The holiday cost you zero it cost her £40

She got a free holiday that the op has got as result of working hard for a company. She didn't 'have' to take her friend along. Her friend didn't 'have' to accept the invitation.

I think df is being extremely cheeky, I've been in her shoes and not only did I cover the travel costs, I also got my df a gift for thinking of me and choosing to take me with her.

Caramelatt · 12/06/2023 21:51

CurlyhairedAssassin · 12/06/2023 21:30

The fact she has a better car than OP, she does not seek to be struggling financially. But if she is, she should have mentioned that before the trip.

Short-sighted to assume that as the friend has the better car she must not be struggling financially. Perhaps she's got the car on finance and is paying hundreds out every month.

Jeez, some people just don't seem to have any inkling that people's financial situations might not be anything like how their own is.

But I also said even if she was struggling financially, she should have told the op before the trip.

How did you go that far to assume whatever you have written in the post, and then you say I am the one short sighted and have no inkling😊

Avondale89 · 12/06/2023 21:52

Zipps · 12/06/2023 20:57

I'm starting to think Mumsnutters is a more appropriate name these days.

Op yanbu she's a cheeky fucker, I'd be tempted to block her.

😂there are some deeply socially inept people on this forum.

BillyNoM8s · 12/06/2023 21:53

Why do some people think friend needs to be appreciative of the work OP does for a living?

OPs reward for her hard work is the trip. If OP went alone, she'd have expenses. If she goes with someone else, she halves those expenses.

I get certain large discounts through work. If I share them with a friend I don't expect to be compensated, I just see it as reduction in the overall cost of something. If I can get us free flights from A to B, that doesn't mean I expect you foot the bill for the hotel. It just means we both pay less for our trip.

Tigofigo · 12/06/2023 21:54

Unless she's incredibly skint, yeah that's really tight.

Sounds like an amazing perk! (Where do you work?!)

GoldDuster · 12/06/2023 21:55

Alibaba87 · 12/06/2023 21:44

If your car was better for the motorway after all and you’d driven the two of you, how would the petrol situation have worked?

How would it have worked? The OP probably would have paid for the petrol.

How should it have worked, is different.

Avondale89 · 12/06/2023 21:55

CurlyhairedAssassin · 12/06/2023 21:18

But it's all relative to your budget, innit? I mean, if someone said to you, "I got given free top notch accommodation for a week in New York. Do you want to come, but you'd have to pay for your flight and food costs when you're there?" In that situation it's not such an attractive offer, even if it IS New York, is it, because the relative expense of the travel costs and spends would put you well out of pocket considering it's a trip that you hadn't planned or budgeted for (and may not ever had yearned to see New York). Yes, it's still a massive discount off the trip, because the accommodation is covered, but it's still a big outlay to someone who hadn't planned for it.

So when you compare it proportionally, maybe OP's mate simply just couldn't have afforded to pay out for an unexpected 40 quid that week, even if she DID get a treat out of it. Maybe she could just about manage the 20 quid so agreed to go on that basis. So many people are only thinking of their own financial situations and whether THEY could afford to pay out for costs for a Bristol to London trip. There are plenty of people on MN who haven't got a spare 40 quid lying about and judging by some people's opinions on here should simply have refused the offer of the trip?

If it were me and I knew my friend was really hard up and probably couldn't afford the petrol cost of the trip, I would just offer it her based on me wanting to spend the time with her as my friend and just tell her from the off that if she did the hassle of the driving/paying for parking (now, who paid for THAT I wonder? Grin, I'd cover the petrol.

Show quote history

If she desperately needed £20 then she should have declined the trip. It would have been polite for her to get her friend a small token of thanks afterwards for inviting her on the trip. Were some of you dragged up?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 12/06/2023 21:55

Elvis1956 · 12/06/2023 21:40

Wow just wow. This thread has to go into classics.

Using the logic of some people here...I invite a friend to Christmas dinner at mine, all the works, champers, luxury chocs and then pa for the petrol they used to drive to my house.

She has had an experience..hotel, food, drink, entertainment for fuck all. Really the op should also pay for half the petrol?

Well that isn't the same, clearly, don't be silly, unless all the food and drink was given to you free of charge, and you paid for a taxi to drive you on a round trip from your own house and back again.

Tigofigo · 12/06/2023 21:55

Fisharejumping · 12/06/2023 21:45

Pardon my Grench but what a bitch. Sorry. I know she’s your friend and you must think highly of her to have chosen her to go with younut honestly what a selfish cow.

Pardon my Grench 😆 is that a saying or a typo?

Caramelatt · 12/06/2023 21:56

CurlyhairedAssassin · 12/06/2023 21:48

Or maybe OP won it in a draw. Maybe friend works harder than OP does, and gets no perks.

Show quote history

Even if friend worked million times harder than OP, she would not be entitled to this particular perk OP got as it was given to Op by her company. So don't understand the logic of how much harder or easier OP works compared to others in this context.

Crazycrazylady · 12/06/2023 21:56

What a crowd of lunatics.. I sometimes get some nice perks at work eg. Concert tickets etc , I am of course happy to get myself there . I'm sure if I matched in and demanded petrol money, they would think I had lost the plot. Your friend is incredibly tight and has zero class. Of course she should have covered the petrol. I'd send her the money but would think less of her for ever and next time I'd be bribing anyone but her.
Ignore the crazy lunatics who think a)you should have paid for petrol as you asked her or b)demand that your employer pay for your petrol. They clearly don't live in the real world .

Backstreets · 12/06/2023 21:57

that is tighter than a gnat's arse

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