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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feel guilty, I was rude on the bus

218 replies

Buzzybee4 · 09/06/2023 07:38

I know I can’t change it now and it’s over with but I’m a massive overthinks/worrier and I can’t shake off how guilty I feel!

I got a bus from basically one end of the country to the other. london to edinburgh. It was about 10 hours if I remember correctly. I’m not usually travel sick however I had a horrific migraine yesterday and felt awful with it. It was one of those headaches where everything was spinning and I felt so nauseous. But I had to get on the bus anyway as shit as I felt because I had to get back up to Edinburgh and it was the last bus

i had booked in advance and was praying for a seat without anyone beside me so I could stretch out a bit and sleep/cry/rock back and forth with the pain. However the bus was full and I ended up beside an older gentlemen (80s or possibly older i would say). Absolutely fine I understand I’ll have to sit next to someone, I still intended to sleep because I felt so rubbish.

however the man was obviously lonely and wanted to talk. He was absolutely lovely and was just trying to make general chit chat and tell me about his grandkids (he was so proud of them it was lovely) and to ask me general chit chat things. I felt awful because he was being so kind and he was clearly lonely but I wasn’t up for chatting. I was only really answering with 1 word answers and i was still being polite to him but it was clear I didn’t want to talk. Under my sunglasses I was crying because I felt so ill (he couldn’t see that though) eventually I fell asleep and woke up about an hour later still feeling rubbish. Again, he tried to make pleasant conversation with me. He honestly seemed delighted to have someone to talk to, not in a bad way just in a lonely way. But again in was polite but very short and not interested in talking. It was like this for the whole journey.

as I was getting off in Edinburgh I heard a few people chatting about how rude I was and I couldn’t even be bothered to talk to that man for more than 10 seconds and he was just being polite and is clearly lonely and how rude and selfish some people are (me) not to even chat for 2 minutes

I feel so bad about it now, what if he was lonely and doesn’t get to chat to many people and I’ve completely shut him down. He was so friendly and nice and looked a bit deflated when I wasn’t interested in talking to him and I feel so guilty about it all now

sounds silly and dramatic but I’m an over thinker and can’t shake off the guilt about it, especially after overhearing those other people too

OP posts:
snitzelvoncrumb · 09/06/2023 07:41

You were in pain. You don’t owe anyone a conversation. The only thing you did wrong was not to tell the people talking about you to fuck off.

RedHelenB · 09/06/2023 07:41

This is a classic case of needing to speak up. I'm sorry, I m not being rude but I've got a banging headache amd I'm going to try and get some sleep."

GloomySkies · 09/06/2023 07:41

You were ill, wanted to be left alone and he imposed himself on you despite the fact you clearly weren't interested. Bet he wouldn't do that if you looked like The Rock. Arguably he was the rude one. Don't give it any more thought.

Icanbringmyselfflowers · 09/06/2023 07:41

I think it’s fine to not wish to talk and irs understandable if you’re so Ill you are publicly crying. They clearly didn’t know this. But on the flip side it must have been very apparent and I would have simply said to him, I’m sorry I’m not well, so am just going to be dozing and reading

Mrsjayy · 09/06/2023 07:42

Meh I did any of them offer to chat to him. I'm sure he was lovely and maybe lonely but it isn't up to you to keep him company especially on an overnight coach journey.

SimplyTurquoise · 09/06/2023 07:43

RedHelenB · 09/06/2023 07:41

This is a classic case of needing to speak up. I'm sorry, I m not being rude but I've got a banging headache amd I'm going to try and get some sleep."

This.

TheDuck2018 · 09/06/2023 07:43

Why didn't you just politely tell him how ill you were feeling? That would have been the sensible thing to do, ....instead, you've come across as really rude, and pretty mean too, aswell as leaving the old man feeling rubbish. Nice work!

fruitbrewhaha · 09/06/2023 07:43

I cannot fathom why you didn’t just say “sorry I’m unwell with a migraine and need to try and sleep”. He would have left you alone and you wouldn’t be feeling paranoid now.

LT2 · 09/06/2023 07:45

I would have snapped back and said well I was feeling very ill. They probably would have had a bit of understanding then.

CindersAgain · 09/06/2023 07:46

Your feelings are important too. If he was travelling there is a good chance he was travelling to see friends or family. Just because he’s old doesn’t mean he is a lonely charity case and needs talking to.

JudgeRinderonTinder · 09/06/2023 07:46

I’d have politely explained that you were really sorry but you felt unwell and not up for chatting. If you felt nauseous it might have been a good idea to have an open carrier bag on your knee in case you actually threw up, and maybe it would have given him a sign!

Cherchezlafemme77 · 09/06/2023 07:46

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Original poster
Buzzybee4 · 09/06/2023 07:46

sorry I should have said in my OP- I did tell him that I wasn’t well but he was deaf on the side I was sitting at and genuinely couldn’t hear me and I didn’t want to shout it for the entire coach to hear, the only thing he seemed to get the message with was when I physically turned away because even when I was giving 1 word answers he couldn’t really hear me, it was only when I made it clear by turning away etc or closing my eyes or putting on my sunglasses that I didn’t want to talk and he got the message that way x

OP posts:
Original poster
Buzzybee4 · 09/06/2023 07:47

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I might have had a migraine but I didn’t hallucinate an entire conversation thanks, talk about gaslighting eh!

OP posts:
Readyplayerthr33 · 09/06/2023 07:48

I had this exact thing while suffering a miscarriage. I still had to get on the train from London to Glasgow, so I sat in the quiet carriage and this older woman just would not shut up.

I was much ruder than you because I told her to stop talking and leave me alone.

Mrsjayy · 09/06/2023 07:48

He sounds imposing if he was a 40 year old man he would be classed as annoying and over stepping!

Tessisme · 09/06/2023 07:48

People were actually commenting? How very strange. I don't think I would even notice what was going on around me on a bus. It really wasn't anybody's business. As pp's have said though, you should have told the man that you weren't well and didn't feel like talking.

Even if I was well, I wouldn't want to chat to a stranger for such a long journey!

Cherchezlafemme77 · 09/06/2023 07:49

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Crazycatlady83 · 09/06/2023 07:49

If they wanted to talk to him so much, they could have asked to swap seats with you!?! Don't listen to them, they are just making themselves feel better by not making more of an effort.

Tessisme · 09/06/2023 07:50

Sorry, missed your update. You did try to explain you weren't well. Forget about it. Those people were nosey and rude.

littleripper · 09/06/2023 07:50

It's really unfair that women are expected to take on the care of anyone and everyone who sits near them. Yes, it would have been nice to spend your 10 hour journey looking after this man, but it is not rude not to for any reason at all. I would say he, and the nosy idiots calling you rude were the rude and very ignorant ones, not noticing you were crying! I hope you feel better now.

Cakencookieobsessed · 09/06/2023 07:50

I don't get why he kept the conversation going when you made it obvious you were trying to shut it down. You should have told him you weren't well to avoid you feeling bad now, but you don't really owe anyone an explanation either. It's not your job to keep someone company. It's nice to be polite and friendly but you weren't well and you couldn't help it.

Original poster
Buzzybee4 · 09/06/2023 07:51

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Yeah I made it up so I could post at 7.50 on a Friday morning, just leave if you’re going to accuse me of lying because there’s no point in you being here if so

and before I get accused of being a troll, I’m a regular poster who’s NC etc, feel free to report to MN who will confirm so

OP posts:
Cakencookieobsessed · 09/06/2023 07:51

Sorry saw you had told him you weren't well, I'd have just kept repeating it.

Cherchezlafemme77 · 09/06/2023 07:52

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