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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feel guilty, I was rude on the bus

218 replies

Buzzybee4 · 09/06/2023 07:38

I know I can’t change it now and it’s over with but I’m a massive overthinks/worrier and I can’t shake off how guilty I feel!

I got a bus from basically one end of the country to the other. london to edinburgh. It was about 10 hours if I remember correctly. I’m not usually travel sick however I had a horrific migraine yesterday and felt awful with it. It was one of those headaches where everything was spinning and I felt so nauseous. But I had to get on the bus anyway as shit as I felt because I had to get back up to Edinburgh and it was the last bus

i had booked in advance and was praying for a seat without anyone beside me so I could stretch out a bit and sleep/cry/rock back and forth with the pain. However the bus was full and I ended up beside an older gentlemen (80s or possibly older i would say). Absolutely fine I understand I’ll have to sit next to someone, I still intended to sleep because I felt so rubbish.

however the man was obviously lonely and wanted to talk. He was absolutely lovely and was just trying to make general chit chat and tell me about his grandkids (he was so proud of them it was lovely) and to ask me general chit chat things. I felt awful because he was being so kind and he was clearly lonely but I wasn’t up for chatting. I was only really answering with 1 word answers and i was still being polite to him but it was clear I didn’t want to talk. Under my sunglasses I was crying because I felt so ill (he couldn’t see that though) eventually I fell asleep and woke up about an hour later still feeling rubbish. Again, he tried to make pleasant conversation with me. He honestly seemed delighted to have someone to talk to, not in a bad way just in a lonely way. But again in was polite but very short and not interested in talking. It was like this for the whole journey.

as I was getting off in Edinburgh I heard a few people chatting about how rude I was and I couldn’t even be bothered to talk to that man for more than 10 seconds and he was just being polite and is clearly lonely and how rude and selfish some people are (me) not to even chat for 2 minutes

I feel so bad about it now, what if he was lonely and doesn’t get to chat to many people and I’ve completely shut him down. He was so friendly and nice and looked a bit deflated when I wasn’t interested in talking to him and I feel so guilty about it all now

sounds silly and dramatic but I’m an over thinker and can’t shake off the guilt about it, especially after overhearing those other people too

OP posts:
Woodentoyshurt · 09/06/2023 08:15

Why are you posting on it? Hmm

This place, seriously. It’s like a weird evolution of bear baiting, only it has gone virtual and involves people, not bears. I’ve seen this before, where people post deliberately provocative comments to upset / annoy a poster and then when they retaliate, even mildly, start squawking about how awful they are. Pack it in!

Cherchezlafemme77 · 09/06/2023 08:15

justanothermanicmonday1 · 09/06/2023 08:12

Do us all a favour and shut up!

Show quote history

Rude.

Original poster
Buzzybee4 · 09/06/2023 08:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Because, as I said in my OP, I felt really guilty about it and couldn’t shake off feeling bad. And felt upset after hearing people talk about me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Buzzybee4 · 09/06/2023 08:17

Woodentoyshurt · 09/06/2023 08:15

Why are you posting on it? Hmm

This place, seriously. It’s like a weird evolution of bear baiting, only it has gone virtual and involves people, not bears. I’ve seen this before, where people post deliberately provocative comments to upset / annoy a poster and then when they retaliate, even mildly, start squawking about how awful they are. Pack it in!

Sorry, are you talking to me? I don’t think I’ve posted anything deliberately provocative (if I have it’s been accidentally nor deliberately) but not sure if you’re talking to me

OP posts:
Gamechanger82 · 09/06/2023 08:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Woodentoyshurt · 09/06/2023 08:18

Not you, Op. the posters baiting you and whining ‘why did you post’ (probably not to be given a retrospective script by officious MNetters.)

DonnaBanana · 09/06/2023 08:19

I never get this hand wringing over catering to chatty old people. They’ve had eighty years to engage strangers in deep and meaningful conversations and should be able to read the signs.

DarkSignOfTheMoon · 09/06/2023 08:19

I reckon you're giving this far more thought energy than anyone else on the bus (including the grntleman) is ever going to.

Let it go.

TheDuck2018 · 09/06/2023 08:20

I think it's interesting the op dripped in her later posts that she'd told the man she was ill.....

DarkSignOfTheMoon · 09/06/2023 08:20

DonnaBanana · 09/06/2023 08:19

I never get this hand wringing over catering to chatty old people. They’ve had eighty years to engage strangers in deep and meaningful conversations and should be able to read the signs.

In my grandma's case it's 94 years and she's already used that opportunity to have the EXACT SAME conversations a dozen times over Grin

Wheresthebeach · 09/06/2023 08:21

Don’t give it another thought OP. I’ve sat on 8 hour flights and not spoken to the person beside me apart from a greeting. I hate talking to strangers when travelling and think it’s rude to continually chat to someone who clearly doesn’t want to. On a short flight recently a woman beside me phoned her sister while we were on the tarmac (who was sat at the back of the flight) to complain that I was unfriendly. Not my job to chat to people if I don’t want to. If others wanted to keep him company they could have.

Original poster
Buzzybee4 · 09/06/2023 08:21

Cherchezlafemme77 · 09/06/2023 08:15

Likewise, you could just let it go. What does it matter if a random stranger thinks you embellished a non-story? Really?

Show quote history

Well, it’s a bit weird for someone to hang around a thread accusing someone of making something up, especially if it’s clear that person is already feeling upset and guilty. Not sure why you would do that when you’ve made your point, I’ve told
you it’s not the case that I’ve made it up, and now you’re sort of sticking the knife in. You clearly don’t believe me so why not go?

im not going because it’s my thread and because everyone else has managed to be respectful and it’s been helpful and other commenters have helped and I feel better now, as per my previous comment.

and the reason I couldn’t let it go in the first place was because, as I said in my OP, I am really bad for over worrying about things. Throw in to the mix feeling extremely unwell and it’s not rocket science to see why I was upset about it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Buzzybee4 · 09/06/2023 08:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

but nobody has actually accused me of being unreasonable? And I haven’t once said I’ve not been unreasonable either. I know the sorts of threads you mean but nobody has actually said I’ve been unreasonable other than I need to be more assertive which I’ve commented and agreed with. Did you not read that? The only replies I’ve been short with is one person accusing me of making it up!

OP posts:
Cherchezlafemme77 · 09/06/2023 08:23

Buzzybee4 · 09/06/2023 08:21

Well, it’s a bit weird for someone to hang around a thread accusing someone of making something up, especially if it’s clear that person is already feeling upset and guilty. Not sure why you would do that when you’ve made your point, I’ve told
you it’s not the case that I’ve made it up, and now you’re sort of sticking the knife in. You clearly don’t believe me so why not go?

im not going because it’s my thread and because everyone else has managed to be respectful and it’s been helpful and other commenters have helped and I feel better now, as per my previous comment.

and the reason I couldn’t let it go in the first place was because, as I said in my OP, I am really bad for over worrying about things. Throw in to the mix feeling extremely unwell and it’s not rocket science to see why I was upset about it all.

Show quote history

Deary me.

DarkSignOfTheMoon · 09/06/2023 08:23

FWIW my last comment reminded my about my grandma: if you sat next to her on a bus she would definately come across as lonely and having no one to talk to in her every day life. In reality, she lives right in the heart of her immediate family and is included in everything. She's only really alone when she chooses to be and go off to her annex.

You cannot tell.

Original poster
Buzzybee4 · 09/06/2023 08:24

Woodentoyshurt · 09/06/2023 08:18

Not you, Op. the posters baiting you and whining ‘why did you post’ (probably not to be given a retrospective script by officious MNetters.)

ah, that makes sense. Thank you for sticking up for me. I’m not sure why people bother commenting if they don’t like the post etc, I don’t understand it at all!

OP posts:
Fandabedodgy · 09/06/2023 08:25

It would have been so much easier for everyone of your just said -
"I'm in pain and. I need to sleep/sit very quietly."

amylou8 · 09/06/2023 08:26

You've done nothing wrong. I'm like this without a migraine. I hate sharing space with a stranger. I nod politely at the person next to me on a plane, and then pop a large pair of over the ear headphones, which generally deters any small talk.

Original poster
Buzzybee4 · 09/06/2023 08:26

Wheresthebeach · 09/06/2023 08:21

Don’t give it another thought OP. I’ve sat on 8 hour flights and not spoken to the person beside me apart from a greeting. I hate talking to strangers when travelling and think it’s rude to continually chat to someone who clearly doesn’t want to. On a short flight recently a woman beside me phoned her sister while we were on the tarmac (who was sat at the back of the flight) to complain that I was unfriendly. Not my job to chat to people if I don’t want to. If others wanted to keep him company they could have.

that has made me feel so much better, I felt so guilty but I feel a lot less bad now. I know it’s completely acceptable not to talk to people but when you are a worrier your brain plays tricks on you and makes you think you’re a terrible person for not doing it! It’s really good to know other people don’t do it too x

OP posts:
Original poster
Buzzybee4 · 09/06/2023 08:26

Fandabedodgy · 09/06/2023 08:25

It would have been so much easier for everyone of your just said -
"I'm in pain and. I need to sleep/sit very quietly."

I did, it’s in my comments x

OP posts:
Original poster
Buzzybee4 · 09/06/2023 08:27

Readyplayerthr33 · 09/06/2023 07:48

I had this exact thing while suffering a miscarriage. I still had to get on the train from London to Glasgow, so I sat in the quiet carriage and this older woman just would not shut up.

I was much ruder than you because I told her to stop talking and leave me alone.

I’m so sorry you had to do that, it must have been awful 💐

OP posts:
Emotionalsupportviper · 09/06/2023 08:29

RedHelenB · 09/06/2023 07:41

This is a classic case of needing to speak up. I'm sorry, I m not being rude but I've got a banging headache amd I'm going to try and get some sleep."

This.

A simple sentence would have been all that it took, and you would have been left in peace and he could have spoken to the person across the aisle to him.

Frankly, if you were considered so rude that people were commenting on it, I'm surprised that the person across the aisle/ in front/ behind didn't initiate a conversation with him anyway. Unless they were also feeling ill they were just as "guilty" as you were.

Gamechanger82 · 09/06/2023 08:29

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Buzzybee4 · 09/06/2023 08:30

DarkSignOfTheMoon · 09/06/2023 08:23

FWIW my last comment reminded my about my grandma: if you sat next to her on a bus she would definately come across as lonely and having no one to talk to in her every day life. In reality, she lives right in the heart of her immediate family and is included in everything. She's only really alone when she chooses to be and go off to her annex.

You cannot tell.

Oh that’s really good to know! Sounds silly but I was worried he was completely alone. He was telling me about his family but it sounded like they don’t spend much time with him IYSWIM so hopefully he’s like your grandma and that’s not the case x

OP posts:
Original poster
Buzzybee4 · 09/06/2023 08:30

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

yeah, with someone accusing me of making something up. I think that’s reasonable, don’t you?

OP posts:
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